Surviving His Memory

Chapter 4

Our "tour specialists" all decided that another local spot would be a fun place to spend the evening. Sally actually said something along the lines of "no tourist drama." That vile man-creature after dinner, definitely left a sour taste in my mouth. Less drama sounds perfect to me. Only, he was a local, not a tourist.

When we left The Aloha Grill, Emery's brother picked us up and took us to a private beach. This beach is mostly reserved for the locals. The only way you can attend is if a local brings you. I don't know if that is entirely necessary. Mostly because, unless you're a local, there's no way you'll ever find it.

I can't believe how beautiful this place is. I mean the entire island of Maui is gorgeous, but this place is...just wow! Is it possible that the moon is brighter here? The reflection off of the ocean is almost captivating. I watch the ripples sway in the water, as each ripple catches the light and swirls to the shore. I am in awe. "Woah.." I hear Cheryl whisper and when we make eye contact I nod in agreement. On the beach there are three large bonfires going to add extra light. Rock formations border the fires so that you can sit around them if you want to. Off on one side there's a band playing an eighties light rock song. The band is surrounded by people. Some are standing. Others are sitting in lawn chairs or on blankets.. Opposite the band, there is a huge line of tables with food and chairs. At the far end is what looks like a drink table and keg.

I followed the rest of our group down the small hill separating us from the beach. We all remove our shoes before we get to the softer sand of the beach. Sally and Emery let us know they would be grabbing all of us some drinks. So Cheryl and I follow Diane to the largest of the rocks around the center bonfire.

I stared into the fire and finally felt free again. I feel like the sadness and agony I have felt for the last year have both finally begun to lighten. I can't believe it took being here, around this group of extraordinary strangers, to begin finding myself again, but here we are. I have a smile on my face for no particular reason. I feel good. All the way to my soul.

Sally and Emery return with everyone's drinks. They both share the large rock to our right. I'm not sure if the alcohol has loosened my tongue or just helped hold down the pain, but I began to open up to my new friends. "One year ago today, I never thought I'd laugh again. I want you ladies to know that I appreciate you tonight. I have laughed more tonight than I have the entire last year. My late husband, Evan, would have loved you all." The tear barely hanging in my eye fell as I spoke his name for the first time in almost five months. The familiar pang in my heart is there, but the residual sobs remain absent. I'm thankful for that. "His death still tortures me, but I feel like I can finally breathe. That is improvement." Cheryl was the first to grab my hand. She doesn't say anything but the others chime in.

"I knew something had happened but didn't want to pry. I'm glad you shared a little bit of him with us." Diane had tears in her eyes as she approached me. For a hug. Even the hug didn't make me cry. Is it possible to cry all of your tears? To a point where you just can't anymore? I can see his face in my mind and, for the first time in a year, it brings me more comfort than anything. If I can't have him, I will keep all of his memories.

One by one, the girls all hugged me. They all had a bit of shock on their faces. "Ellie, when I met you...I saw this pain in your eyes. I know heartache when I see it. We could all see how guarded you were though. You could still put on the show. I can see you. We all can. Friends are here to pick you up. I am blessed and thankful to be considered your friend. We all are!" Emery brings a tear to my eye and a smile to my heart. "Also, I think there is a certain man that would be more than willing to help the process.." Sally teases "You should have watched him when that guy stepped in front of you...shew.." She was fanning herself now. "He did not like that! Girl, let me tell you..he looked like a caveman for a minute and it was hot." All of us laughed at that. "I don't even know him." I told them innocently. It's true. I don't know him at all, but maybe I kind of want to. The thought sobers me up a little.

Cheryl, who is still holding my hand, looks over at me and smiles. "It's okay that you are attracted to him. You know that, right? I started dating again about six or seven months ago now. I should have done it sooner. My husband was amazing. He died in a car accident. No warning. He was just..gone. I didn't think I'd live through it. At one time I didn't want to. I...just didn't want to live our life without him. There's light at the end of the tunnel, though, and it is right in front of us both." She tells me and I decide June was right. I should have sought out other women, like me, much sooner. "I think I'm beginning to see that light." I said with a genuine smile.

"Alright ladies! Let's take some shots! I have tequila in a tube!" Diane shouts as she returns. I hadn't even noticed that she had left. She's handing out what looks like viles of golden liquid.

"Ahh...yes the nectar of the God's!" Emery says as she takes her tube of tequila. We all laugh and joke as we begin to raise our tubes to one another. "To new friends.." I say. "...and new beginnings!" Cheryl adds as we tap our tubes together.

I lost count of how many tubes we had as the night went on. We danced on the beach to classic rock. I learned that every night has a different theme and on every full moon they have a "true, luau" as they call it. They roast a pig on the fire and have several old cultural dances with beautiful costumes. I want to come to one while I am here. It sounds like a great environment.

Before I knew it, we were headed back to the hotel. I am drunk.. Cheryl and I were dropped off at the front of the resort. After many hugs and promises of doing this again, we finally part ways with Diane, Sally, and Emery. We link arms on our way to the entrance, laughing and joking. We practically stormed the hotel.

"What if you stayed a little while? I mean, at least a week? I don't want you to leave yet." I told Cheryl on our way through the doors. We both waved at the doorman. "I have to tell you something, Ellie. I want you to know that I had no idea until after dinner, when I checked my email. I thought it was my new flight arrangements and it was, but..." Cheryl trailed off looking worried. She shook her head and looked at me again. "This is hard to tell you because, frankly, this trip and tonight was something that I needed, myself. Okay, I'm just going to rip off the bandaid. Your late husband made sure I was the person who would deliver that letter. I have no idea what it says but my email was clear. I am here as long as you need me. Please don't be upset." Cheryl finished without making eye contact with me. My insides tingle as I realize what she's saying. Evan is still trying to take care of me. The thought brings the very tears to my eyes that I had thought had gone dry. "He was the freaking best." I tell her as I pull her into a hug in the middle of the hotel lobby. "He knew you could help me and trust me, I needed you. The moment that I knew you had gone through something similar, I felt lighter. I felt like I wasn't alone." I told her in her ear. "I need you too, Ellie. It's nice to finally feel less alone." Cheryl whispers back.

Arm in arm, we made our way to the hallway that joins both of our rooms. "I'll see you in the morning for breakfast. I'm about to have a tequila nap." Cheryl jokes and I snort out a laugh. "You may not see me until brunch. We had a lot of tequila!" I told her. We hug, say our goodbyes and I push open the door to my room. Sitting there on the kitchenette is the letter, but I continue past it. I'll read it, eventually. Maybe tomorrow.