Love or Lust
1285 Words
I was hit like a freight train by the emotions I was repressing. I couldn't believe I'd come so close to what I'd been wanting for so long, but one stupid little thing prevented me from getting it. The stupid little thing was neither stupid nor little to me or him apparently, but it shouldn't be this big of a deal to either of us. I needed to think of my next move and fast. I was tired of waiting, I needed action. The first thing that popped into my mind was revenge. As psychotic as it sounds, part of me is angry at him. I know he's entitled to his preferences, but did he really have to choose my virginity to be his deal breaker? It felt cruel regardless of his lack of control over his opinion. It wasn't something I ever thought the guy I like would do. It wasn't like him. The fact that he got into bed with someone while he liked me did nothing to soothe my anger with him. Having chosen my path of destruction I marched over to Vanessa, who was laughing with Grant.
Grant nudged her and pointed towards me. "Look who decided to join us."
I lean against the counter, feeling dizzy. "Unfortunately, I'm not joining. I just needed to talk to Vanessa really quick."
His expression was undecipherable. "I was going to catch up with Alec anyways, I'll be on the dancefloor."
Vanessa looked at him apologetically. "I'll meet you out there."
"Oh God, why is Alec dancing like that?" He speeds off.
Vanessa giggles, then turns to me. "Why are you always pushing Grant out of things?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"You always either leave or make him leave when we're hanging out. Why couldn't he hear what you have to tell me? He's our friend and also the least judgmental person ever."
I dismiss her. "I don't do that! Grant and I hang out all the time. He couldn't hear because it's a girl thing."
It's obvious that she doesn't believe me. "What's is it?"
I whisper my plan in her ear to get her approval. When I'm finished, she looks like I just told her I murdered someone. "Z, I think this is all getting a little out of hand."
She's right, I know she's right, but I don't want to listen to it. "V, I love you but I'm 23 years old and I know the consequences. Please, trust me."
"If you're going to start pulling this, 'I'm a big girl' crap, at least tell me why you want to do this? Is this about Aiden and that girl?"
I feel impatient and want nothing more than for this conversation to be over. "It's about me. I'm so over letting men walk all over me. This is my retaliation."
"You are going to do what you want regardless of what I tell you, but I want you to know that I don't approve of this."
My throat feels dry. "I appreciate you caring about me, I love you for it. I know it's stupid, but I promise I've thought it through and this is what I want to do."
"Okay, whatever. You better know what you're doing." She goes up to the counter. "Two waters please."
It's as if she read my mind. She hands me a bottle and I chug it. "Thank you. I'll be back. Now, maybe you and Grant can have some alone time."
"Stop." She complains.
I make my over to Mr. Purple Eyes. The looks he gives me lets me know that he wasn't expecting me. "Hello again."
I don't say anything, instead I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him down to me. I kiss him hard. He's still at first, then he returns the kiss with equal intensity. As soon as his hand finds its way to my waist, it's ripped away. "Get your hands off of her!" An angry masculine voice warns him. It's not Aiden though it's Grant pulling me away from Enzo.
I pull against him. "Grant, what are you doing?"
He huffs and throws me over his shoulder. "What are YOU doing?"
"Where are you taking me?"
"Home." His response is short and I can feel the heat in his words.
I kick and fight against him. "Absolutely not! Put me down right now!"
"Absolutely not." He mimics me.
My eyes find Vanessa and I reach for her. "Help me, V he's trying to take me home."
She shakes her head. "Not a chance. I'll see you tomorrow."
I glare at her the whole way out of the club.
Grant carefully puts me in his car and buckles me up. "Stop pouting."
I look out the window. "I'm not pouting, I'm fuming."
"I'm going to listen to some music while you fume." He turns the dial on the radio.
I lower the radio volume. "You know you ruined everything, right?"
"No."
"Did Aiden even see me?" I look at him pleadingly.
Grant turns the radio off. "I don't know, I wasn't really looking at anyone but you and the guy your tongue was down."
"Great."
His eyes meet mine. "What does it matter anyways? Why do you care if Aiden sees?"
I know that I'll regret it when I sober up, but right now my need to rant trumped my need to keep my secret. "It was for him. I wanted him to see."
"What?"
"He slept with that stupid blonde bimbo he wasn't even supposed to date."
Grant pulls into my house and puts the car in park. "I knew it wasn't like you to kiss a stranger."
I open my door and climb out the passenger side. "Thanks for the ride G. Do me a favor and don't tell anyone what I just said. I'm not really trying to broadcast it."
He is behind me before I can blink. "Oh no, I can't leave you like this."
"Yes, you can. It's not your job to babysit me, you've already done more than enough." I try to look normal when I walk but end up tripping over myself.
Grant picks me up again and walks me into my room. "Is me being here really that intolerable? I haven't even had time to do anything annoying yet."
I pull him into a hug, desperately needing his hugging skills to help me feel better. "No, I'm sorry. I'm just embarrassed and want to hide."
He intensifies the hug. "Do you like Aiden?"
"No. Actually yeah."
"Why?"
I look up at him. "Huh?"
Grant looks uncomfortable with the topic. "Why do you like Aiden? You guys are so incompatible."
I get defensive. "That's not true, we're very compatible. We have the best conversations, he's so sensitive and..."
"Cut the crap Rinnie. What's the real reason?"
He caught me the way he always does. "He was my first kiss." When he doesn't speak, I continue. "It's so dumb. Three years ago, we played a game of spin the bottle at a party and we had to kiss. The kiss was magical, I haven't been able to get the kiss out of my head ever since. It was a great first kiss."
His mouth drops. "First kiss? Did you ever consider that could be the reason you're so hooked on him?"
My defenses go up again. "No! I've kissed people since and I still think about him. It's not like that."
"You sure?" He leans down, inches from my mouth. "I'm bet that if someone else kissed, like really kissed you, you'd change your mind."
I step back. "Grant are you about to kiss me? You can't kiss me!"
- Writer
