War & Love

| prologue | I never wanted more from life. Nicolai changed that. He showed me what living is truly like.Not just breathing, but feeling alive. And I don't know in what moment it happened, but I gave him my heart. He became the source of my happiness and all I could think. Little did I know that my happiness would come with a price. That Nicolai was my one time happiness, and that all he would be is a memory. That my heart would beat again only to be broken in pieces. That love doesn't last forever. At least ours didn't. It was all war and love, or was is war against love? I don't know anymore. All I know is that I lost in the end. "So you are just not going to listen to me?" I ask as tears threaten to fall from my eyes "There is nothing you could say that would change my decision, Selena" he says with such a cold voice that for a moment I forget this is Nicolai talking. The man of my dreams, the one I love more than anything else. The one who always held me when I was crying and I trusted with my life. "So you will just believe what someone else told you instead of listening to me?" I say probably repeating what I said before. "Yes Selena" he says clearly mad "I will just believe whatever anyone else has to say, it's better than listening to the gold digging liar in front of me". "Don't you dare call me a gold digger" I say holding my palm to my heart, because my heart psychically hurts from hearing those words. "You know I have always loved you, more than a-" "I said I don't want to hear anything from you anymore" he says cutting me off "Get out" "What?" I ask just because I probably didn't hear him right. I couldn't have. "Get the f**k out of my office" he says gritting his teeth as if he will snap any moment. "I will not leave this office until I say what I have to say" I say coming closer to him, probably not the best decision I have ever made "I will explain myself then I will leave" I put my hand on his shoulder and can feel the tension and anger running through him. "I don't f*****g care" he yells as he slams his fist to his desk. I don't back up, I never do. I know Nicolai and he would never hurt me. But his move makes my hand fall from his shoulders. "What is it that you want Sels?" he says using Sels which only he uses as my nickname "Money? -" he stops mid word to grab something under his desk. When I can see what it is I realize it's a briefcase. When he opens it I realize it's filled with money. For what reason, who knows. "Here, have them" he says as he starts to throw the money at me, I put my hands up telling him so stop but he doesn't, he just keeps going "That's all you ever wanted wasn't it? So take them. f*****g take them and leave me alone" "I don't want your f*****g money" I yell as I push him against his desk, forcing him to stop. My voice breaks and this line comes as broken. He just looks in my eyes and I don't notice the look. I don't know the man standing in front of me. "The fact that you think that I spent time with you for money shows me who you really are Nicolai" I say coming nose to nose with him. I can hear his heavy breathing and can feel it. He tries to stop me but this time I don't let him. "Don't you f*****g dare to interrupt me" I say, then continue "I don't want to explain myself anymore, believe whatever you want to believe. I might be a gold digging b***h but you know what you are Nicolai?" I take a deep breath to stop the tears from falling, I will not cry here. After I calm down I continue "You are the most f****d up person I have ever meet and I will not hurt myself anymore trying to fix you, you don't deserve me" I then grab his face when he tries to turn away from me "You don't deserve me" I repeat while looking deep into his eyes, the eyes I fell in love with. The eyes of the man who is breaking my heart. I then push him as I turn around and leave. "You don't deserve me" I whisper, repeating these words again as if I am trying to convince myself. He doesn't deserve me. Am I worth someone deserving me? And that's when the tears I tried so hard to keep in come flooding.