When Everything Changes

The last day I remember was the day of the spring festival. There were colors of red and orange like a flame, colors of white and gold like royalty, and pink and blue, the colors of the newly bloomed flowers all around.  People ran around with ribbons and flags, people sold things from carts, there was chatter buzzing, and there was a liveliness I never hear anymore.  I was among all the cheer and excitement, my own excitement shown through my eyes as I watched people run around the waterfront and fly kites. They had sparklers that they waved around and ice cream that they rushed to eat before it melted under the sun.  I had brought my sister Olivia along with me but I had lost her in the crowd. She was just as excited as I was. At the time she was fifteen and I was sixteen. We always came to the festival each year and it was never less amazing to me. Our parents always encouraged us to go have fun while they talked with their friends. I much preferred to take off my shoes and socks and wander around, taking in all there was to offer.  My mom gave both Olivia and me twenty dollars so we could see for ourselves what everyone had to offer. When I got to come to my very first festival, I promised myself that I would buy a new wooden figurine from Carol, the woman that sold them just across the street from the waterfront. She made gorgeous wooden figurines of all sorts of things. I had a collection of them sitting on my dresser at home.  She said they all represented different things. I had a bear which she said represented optimism and self-healing, I had a bell which was for peace and freedom, I had a daisy which was for innocence and purity. At the time I thought they were just pretty. That day I had bought a Lion, for strength.  I tucked the remaining money into the pocket of my blue dress and I put my shoes on the grass just before the sand. I was warned to not go too far into the water seeing how the drop-off was pretty deep. Being sixteen at the time I had rolled my eyes but complied nevertheless.  The water was cool against my feet, it was refreshing. I wiggled my toes and dug them into the sand, relishing in the feeling. The sand stuck to my feet as I walked onto the grass. I laid down on the grass, not minding the feeling of sand or dirt, and I looked up at the blue sky.  The clouds passed in large fluffy white shapes that I imagined to be different items and animals before my name was called.  I knew I was pretty easy to spot considering my bright pink hair, but locating who called my name was harder on my end.  “Ella!” The crowd was large, but Olivia was running towards me which made it easy to see her coming. She panted as she held onto my arms. I waited for her to catch her breath and stand up fully. “Mom is looking for you, she wants us all to be together when the mayor gives his speech and the fireworks start.”  I glanced up at the sky which was still blue. “But the sky isn’t even dark, the fireworks won’t start for a while.”  Olivia shook her head “mom sent me to get you and I’ll get in trouble if you don’t come with me” she made a face and poorly mimicked our mom’s voice “go get Gabriella and bring her back, I want us to stick together”  I sighed but allowed her to pull me by my hand through the crowd “I don’t even see the mayor, we still have time before that”  Still holding onto my hand, she shot me a scolding look. Despite being younger than me, Olivia has always been more careful and compliant. She follows the rules and does what is needed of her. I, however, am more wild. I like to be free and spontaneous, I don’t care much for rules and prefer to live a bit on edge.  If I had known what was going to happen, I would have learned better.  “Olivia, Gabriella,” my mother called as we walked up to her “the mayor is just about to make his speech”  I glanced around “he’s not even here, mom. Can I explore a little more?” I asked She shook her head and gestured to the stage we had set up with a podium all ready to go. “He’s due to speak any minute now and I want us all together.”  “Where’s dad?” Olivia asked as she looked out at the other people in the crowd. “Is he here?”  My mom waved her hand through the air in a dismissive gesture “he stayed home. He had to finish a phone call but is having some trouble with the service so he’s trying to figure that out”  I took out my phone from my dress pockets and looked at the time. 2:20. I noticed my service was also down a few bars making my eyebrows furrow.  I lifted my head towards the stage when everyone began clapping and cheering. Olivia leaned over towards my ear and whispered “I told you it would start soon.”  I shrugged. “I really did think it was going to start later.” I kept my eyes locked on the stage when Mayor Mckinney walked over. His smile was bright and his eyes were alight as he waved out to the crowd like a pageant star.  His happy features never left his face as he began his speech. I suspected it to begin like every other one. He would thank everyone for coming, he would talk about the beauty of spring and how it is something to be cherished, and how grateful he is for everyone’s contributions that made this all possible. But he didn’t, and my head reeled back when his first words were- “Today, we are welcoming change. And I’m not talking about the upcoming spring.”  I didn’t understand what he meant. If I did, I would have run. I would have gotten out of the city and somewhere I could figure it all out before it happened. Somewhere where it all could have been different. But I didn’t. The mayor’s barbie face looked out to everyone as he clapped his hand like a child being handed his first present on Christmas. “This world needs to be changed. It needs to be different in many ways in order to make it what it could be. What it has to be.” “There is too much violence. Too much hate. There is no order,” he continued I was too young to understand. I didn’t know what he was talking about or why. I wasn’t sure where this was heading. I had not experienced enough hardship to not bite at my nails and fret as Mayor Mckinney talked about things I didn’t understand. And based on the murmurs of the crowd, I wasn’t the only one who didn’t understand.  I blinked at the sudden change in the mayor’s face. His joyful exterior dropped in an instant, making his features hard and sharp. “This city has been put under a lockdown.” I was stunned into a silence more quiet than the loss of words.  “We are in need of order and discipline. I have called in a team of power to help maintain the new restrictions to be put in place” Restrictions? His hard and sharp demeanor changed back into his barbie face as he clapped his hands together and motioned to a man coming into the stage. He wore a black suit as if he were going to some gala.  His face was made of stone, carved into a stern and bland expression. I looked on with wide eyes, my heart beating hard as I watched on as if this was some sort of movie.  I should have known better than to think thoughts like that. Because this is real.  As the man spoke, he made no hand movements, his expression did not change, the wind hardly moved his hair from its place. “There are newly placed curfews.-” there were sounds of protests and complaints from the crowd but a sharp look from him and we all reduced to angry grumbles and confused murmurs.  “-Adults at eleven, anyone else under will be inside at ten,” his sharp voice rang out. My mind was still young. I didn’t understand what he was saying when he said we were all going to be separated and how things were all going to be changed and made into something that we needed. How rebellions would not be tolerated and any refusals would result in immediate action. There were cries of outrage all around but the man just continued talking in his same sharp tone. He talked about how a new world order will be established. How new rules will be put in place and how things will be changing. I didn’t think to wonder why things were changing, I was focused on how the crowd seemed to be getting progressively angrier and wild. I took a step back only to bump into someone else. They were too focused on what the man was saying to look at me. I felt too trapped, too much was going on and I couldn’t focus. My eyes flitted around from one thing to the next, not really focusing on anything.  I jumped when I felt a hand on my arm. I looked into Olivia’s blue eyes which were wide with more confusion in them than mine. But however much she didn’t understand what was happening, she gently started pulling me through the crowd. “Where are we going?” I asked. I sounded quiet in the chaos of the crowd. The man kept talking and the crowd was getting worse.  “We’re getting out of here. I don’t like whatever’s happening and I think we both need some fresh air,” she said as she finally led us out of the chaos and back towards the sand by the beach.  I looked over my shoulder, still walking away, and my eyes narrowed in confusion when I saw men coming from all sides towards the group. They all wore large black vests with a symbol of a wolf on them. The symbol was pretty, but I didn’t know what it meant. A cry got stuck in my throat when I noticed what was in each of their hands. “Olivia,” I muttered through the chaos in my mind. She glanced back at me, noticing I had stopped walking. We were a ways away from the crowd, but there was no mistaking the way the men held their guns. They were ready to fire. “Olivia!” I cried, frantically looking back and forth at her and the men.  I wish I would have done something different, anything. I still wonder about it to this day, hell, I even dream about it. But it never turns out how I wish. The men always raise their guns, the crowd always screams, and the shots always fire.  I watched in horror as the men held the crowd in, containing them, and they went down one by one. I tumbled a few steps back, and once I fully turned around, I grabbed Olivia’s arm and pulled her with me. We ran down the grass and back into the streets. Rocks dug into my feet as I raced back to our apartment. Maybe our dad was there, maybe he knew what was happening and why. Maybe he could fix it. He could tell me it was all a dream or some joke. Maybe mom would be there too. Maybe it’s all fine.  Olivia and I screamed out for our dad inside the apartment. We ran around the whole place looking for him. I screamed for him to stop hiding, stop joking around and to come out, that something awful has happened, but he never did.  I stumbled a few steps as I raced around the apartment, not able to get a steady footing on my feet. Olivia ran up to me. “Have you found him?” she asked. I shook my head with wide eyes. He wasn’t there. “Maybe he’s just out? Mom-” her voice cracked as she talked about her “-she said that he was just fixing the phone.”  I shook my head frantically and tears pricked at my eyes “I don’t know” my breath shuttered as I breathed in sharply. “I don’t know..” my voice was weak and panicked and Olivia wasn’t faring any better.  I wish I had learned to be stronger sooner. I wish that I had stopped crying when our mom never came home. I wish I had never held onto the hope that things would be okay, that our dad would come home and we could be normal again. That the man from the spring festival never got on stage and my mom, Olivia, and I could all go home to dad.  But he never came home after that day. Everything is different now. But when the world locks down, you learn to make it through. You learn to survive. It’s not really the whole world that’s like this, it’s only about America and then some, but it’s a new world here. And that’s all we have, there is no in of it, and there is no out.  The border is lined with military-grade defenses and weapons, it’s lined with equipment that can detect movement from miles away, no one comes in, no one goes out. Well, unless you’re choosing death over the new life here.  It’s not uncommon.  Families were separated. Children under eighteen were in one group, they were all brought to bases to be evaluated, and adults were signed into a new system that hovers over the world. They now have new identities. They have names, jobs, stories, ranks, notes, everyone is a part of the system.  I used to go out with friends after school, we would eat ice cream or go shopping. I used to watch tv and listen to music. The power was the first to go. There is no more connection.  The wolf symbol was ingrained in my mind from the first day. It’s how the men with the guns and black vests got the names I call them. Howlers.  They patrol the streets looking for anyone that steps out of line, if you’re in their sights, they swarm, giving you no escape. They gather and circle until they bite, and once they bite, you’re gone.  It’s good to be able to know what to look for, what to hide from. I keep away from humans, they’re about as bad as the howlers in their own ways. I keep away from large towns that hold the people that I keep away from. And I never go near the center. That’s what the new world order officials call it. It’s the center for everything that’s being run in this new world. It’s where everyone’s identity is being tracked and monitored. It’s where the data goes and where the controls are. The center is the remote in a remote-controlled world. It’s also the main place for the world’s officials to reside, them and the howlers.  Officials are more like the people controlling the system whereas the howlers are part of the system that keeps all of us in place. We’re the sheep.  We are all given a rank when signed into the center. Much like the traffic controls we used to have, they go green, yellow, and red. Green is what they would call good. They are helpful, useful, and overall a positive member of society. I call them complicit or stupid. Yellows are unneeded but kept. They are the ones that can contribute to society but are seemingly at risk for rebellion or chaotic moments. They are kept under the watch of the center and can and will be detained in the center if needed. Yellows are used to make the green look good, and the red look bad. A red level means you are unnecessary, you are disposable. You have too much free thought and are a menace. A threat. A possible disturbance to the order created. Reds have little value and are first to have a finger pointed at them.  In this world we live in, you either live, survive, or die. You can play happy family with the center and pretend everything is alright how it is, or you can do what you have to to get through it. People with loyalties held in the right place are hard to find. There are whispers of rebellions and plans to overthrow the center, but I’m not sure if I believe it. But in my case, I’m tired of living like this. I’m tired of having to sneak around and keep my eyes open all the time. I’m tired of being distrustful and scared. I’m tired of it all.  Because of the day on the beach, the day I saw where everything was heading, I became an anomaly. I never got signed into the center, I ran away and became nothing in the eye of society. I never got an identity or a rank, I have the same story and I am the same person. I’m just Gabriella, and if I were to have a rank, well I think about it sometimes, and I would call myself pink. Simply for the reason that I never got rid of my pink hair, a risky move, but it reminds me of myself and it helps me feel human, normal. And if I am going to do anything during this time, I am going to keep my humanity.