When Everything Changes

Three: "I Just Want To Get Home"

I’ve never been able to particularly sleep well.

The moonlight isn't bright enough to read by, but it illuminates through the window, making a soft glow fall over the room where Peter and Olivia sleep. 

Once Olivia had turned over and fallen asleep, Peter didn't complain again. He just shuffled for a few minutes before settling down. 

The sun will be coming up soon, the lights between the sun and moon will clash against each other before the sun eventually will overtake the sky, bringing the day with it. 

I’m not sure I'm ready for today to begin. Nothing will be planned, nothing will be familiar, we will all be taking a chance that could be detrimental. I shake my head lightly to myself, it doesn't matter if I'm ready or not, I don't think I will ever be ready, but this is something that needs to happen. I need to get Olivia and myself out of here. There must be some place that's normal outside of the containment over us. If we could just find a way to get out of here, maybe things could be normal. 

I'm not sure what's out beyond the containment. No one talks about who’s there or what's happened. Maybe everyone is out there living their lives without a care in the world. I wonder if they know what's been happening in here. 

“I'm not, you know?” 

I jump at Peter's voice. My head turns to look at him, only able to see the outline of him in the light of the moon. His voice sounds soft, nothing like the usual tone he had yesterday. He doesn’t sound cocky or arrogant. He seems thoughtful, older.

“A green, I mean” he continues when I don't answer. 

“A green?” I echo. Is he talking about his rank? Suddenly I'm more interested in what he has to say. More so than yesterday when I felt like everything he said was pretty much dust flying through the air.  

But now, this is like I'm about to be holding a jewel that I've dug from the dirt. 

He hums in confirmation. “My rank,” he sighs “it’s yellow. I wouldn't say I would do something against the center to rebel, but I miss my old life. I miss my friends, my family, the memories.” 

I watch as he turns from his back and sits up leaning against his arms, looking at me. “So if you’re waiting for me to jump back into the arms of the center and go against you guys, you can stop holding your breath.” 

“And your family?” I ask. He may say I can trust him. I don't, but the information is important, especially if we’re going to be associating with his family. 

I can hear him swallow as he looks away from me. “My dad’s yellow, like me.” 

I look at him, waiting for him to continue. He takes a breath and looks up. He stares just to the left of me, out the window, as he speaks in a low tone “my brother-” he hesitates, looking at me nervously and yet with a hard determination, ready to defend his brother at any moment. “-he’s red” 

I know he’s waiting for a reaction, but I just continue looking toward him, unfocused. I keep quiet.

I can't tell if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Would a red accept us? Would he be okay with us? Would he be malicious and use us for his own benefit? With the thoughts whirring around quickly, I'm quickly convincing myself this is a bad idea.

“He’s a good person” Peter blurts out quickly. 

“Yeah?” I ask in a tone that asks for more information. Of course he would say his brother is a good person, he’s his brother. 

“Yeah,” Peter nods. “He takes care of me and our dad, and he always makes sure we’re safe and keeps us in line.” He quickly notices how soft his voice is when talking about his brother and he glares at the ground and shrugs apathetically “-and stuff like that” he keeps his eyes on the ground and I smile amusedly.

He really cares about his brother and it shows, even when he pretends to be indifferent. 

I look back out at the rising sun and I begin to stand. “I’ll believe it when I see it,” I tell Peter. 

I walk over to where Olivia sleeps and kneel by her side. I look at her briefly, looking at her brown hair which falls messily around her, her soft content face which I only see on her when she sleeps. It reminds me of before the new world happened, when she could laugh freely and have her shoulders free from holding so many worries and memories. 

Gabriella's goals- 

Make Olivia happy again. Like she used to be. “-after all, how can I trust a biased opinion?” 

*-*

“So, what’s the plan?” Olivia asks as she carefully puts several granola bars in her backpack with an assortment of other things. 

I hesitate with every move I make to grab things. I’m trying to pack my bag for the “trip.” 

I find it easier to call it a trip, or an adventure because it fails to remind me that this is permanent and everything is going to change. My normal is about to become an unknown. I'm not sure if I'll ever see my clock tower again, and I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad about that. 

I clear my throat, hoping my voice comes out more steady and believable than I feel. “Peter is going to lead us as he retraces his steps back to where his brother is. We are going to help as best as possible to navigate the streets seeing how we know more about the more discreet paths in the city.”

Olivia throws her bag over her shoulder and begins twisting her hair into a ponytail. “And then what?” Her voice comes out slightly mumbled around the hair tie she holds in her mouth. “If we find his brother, then what?” 

She glances over at me briefly before focusing back on the ground, finishing putting her hair up and kicking her shoes in front of her. “You got a plan for that?” 

I don't miss the sarcastic tone laced in her words. I focus on my own shoes and try to not confront her and make the situation worse. “I’ll figure it out as it comes” 

Olivia stands and makes her way towards the stairs. “Of course, because you know everything.” 

I tilt my head to look at her “What is that supposed to mean?” 

She rolls her eyes and turns away to walk down the stairs “I'll meet you at the door” she mutters, ignoring my question. 

I’m left watching the place she stood in disbelief. Of course we have fought before, but I’m not sure what prompted her to be so upset. I hate when we fight, it’s not good for either of us, especially when we need to have trust in each other and have each other's back. 

I finish tying my shoes and I pick up my bag, making a reminder to myself to find time to talk to Olivia. 

“Gabriella?” Peter calls as he walks up the stairs. He looks at me and raises his eyebrows. “Are you coming?”

I wave my hand carelessly. “Yeah, I just need to make sure I have everything and didn’t leave any traces of our presence.” 

He nods in approval. “Thorough, good” 

“Want to help?” I say partially sarcastic. It’s not like he’s been much of a help since he’s been here. 

He crosses his arms and shrugs one shoulder. “Whatever” 

“Well, just look around and make sure nothing is left behind. I want it to be that if someone were to come here it would look like it did before, when no one was here,” I say as I begin to walk around the area, sweeping over it with my eyes. 

I thank the universe that he doesn’t say anything after and just quietly joins me in looking around. 

“Are you ready for this?” I ask him. I wonder if he’s as freaked out as I am, or if because of his lack of information he thinks this will be simple, easy. 

It always seems easy until easy’s not on your side. 

“I just want to get home” 

He hesitates on the word “home” and I understand. Home isn’t what you make it. Home is comfort, it’s warmth, it’s the feeling of relief. It’s everything we don’t have in the homes we’ve been given. 

“What are you guys doing here anyway?” He glances at me “in the tower, I mean” 

“It’s none of your business,” Olivia says before I can answer. She stands at the top of the stairs looking between us. “And we should probably leave soon” she glances out the window “before there’s to many people out, that’s when the howlers will be more vigilant” 

“Alright,” I nod. “I’m ready to go.” I look at Peter and he nods in agreement. 

Olivia turns away and walks down the stairs. Peter scoffs as he picks up his bag. “What’s her problem?” 

I purse my lips and shake my head, continuously looking back towards the top of the stairs. “I don’t know” 

I suppose I just have to wait until I can talk to her without distraction. 

We go down the stairs and meet Olivia who’s standing with her back to us, her ear pressed against the door. 

“Finally” she mutters. With one last glance at us she opens the door, looks outside, and after a moment she slips out and disappears from sight. 

I guide Peter towards the door and softly tell him “she’s going to be to the left of the tower, in the space between the tower and the brick building next to us” 

He nods and shifts the backpack on his back. I open the door for him and he looks at me one last time before walking out and leaving my sight. 

I tilt my head up and take a deep breath. This is it. This is my imaginings coming to life. 

Leaving this door, I am changing everything. 

I walk out and close the door behind me. The sun shining down on my face as I grip the straps of my backpack and go to meet with the people who hold my future. 

-*-

Olivia's hands are in her hair and she glares at Peter. “What do you mean you don’t know where you’re going?” 

“I mean I don’t where I am,” he bites back at her.

Olivia looks at him, exasperated. “That's ridiculous! Just go to the last place you were.” 

“Hold on,” I cut in, “what if Peter just tells us where he needs to go and we can lead instead of Peter having to figure it out on his own” I suggest.

Oliva throws her arms up and turns away from us, walking down the street a bit. 

Peter looks away from Olivia's retreating figure and looks back at me. “Seriously, what’s her problem?”

I sigh and run a hand through my hair, not sure what's going on with her at all. “Stress?” is all I can answer questioningly. 

Peter shrugs wordlessly and puts his hands in his pockets. When it seems he won't say anything, I ask him “want to tell us where you’re trying to go so we can help?” 

Peter rolls his shoulders back and glances around at the buildings around us. “I think-”

“You think?” I cut in

He glares at me and continues, not responding to my question. “I think our best bet would be to go through the forest just around the train station. We can cut through there and get towards my house” 

As I think this over I come to realize how smart this plan is. The train station could provide us with an excuse to be out if we’re seen, the sound of the train will make enough noise to muffle any sort of other noise we don't want anyone else to hear, and the forest will have little to no people so it will be less risky and easier to move without exposure. 

I nod and smile at him; he’s proving to be more useful than I thought he would be. “Yeah, that sounds like a good plan.” 

I jump slightly when Olivia appears behind me and says, “were you planning on letting me in on this plan of yours?” 

My eyebrows raise at her question “of course, this isn't all about me you know?” 

“No, I didn't know” Olivia's hands shake slightly and she pulls her sleeves over her hands to hide them “you seem to be making all the decisions lately, it’s not like I’m here or anything” she says sarcastically 

My head reels back in surprise. Have I been doing that? Making all the decisions? I only wanted to do what I thought was right.. 

“You come back from a trip and without a single word you bring him,” she points a finger at Peter who looks at the finger which is just about touching his chest and back to Olivia. He grabs her hand and throws it back to her, glaring at her. She glares back before talking to me again. “And invite him in without any consideration for how I feel. You give him food and let him stay the night and suddenly we’re leaving and I have no choice but to follow. Because I know you wouldnt let me be alone. You don't let me do anything. I can't go out without your concern and questioning, I can't eat or clean or read or anything without you being there asking questions or asking to help. I can't make decisions, and because of this, I have to go along with you. No matter what I want.”

She breathes out harshly and looks at the ground. 

Is that how she felt? Was I really being like that? I just wanted her to be safe, I just wanted to help. I didn't know I was suffocating her and making her feel like that, I feel awful. I never wanted to make her so upset, I wanted the complete opposite, I wanted her to be happy, I always want her to be happy. 

“Olivia, I'm so sorry” I try to tell her but she waves her hand in the air in a dismissive gesture. 

“Whatever,” she sighs. “We should go” 

She turns away and starts walking while I look at her helplessly. Peter puts a hand on my shoulder and looks at me with an awkward smile. He walks away following Olivia and after a moment of looking at them I walk after them as well.