Heirs of love

The human thought that women can be called anything, has screwed up my life.   My mother, decided that naming me 'Rain' was a fantastic idea.   And here I am, being made fun of at ten years old, by everyone in my class, no one thinks that should be a girl's name. And beyond that, does anyone see any sense in it?   My brother has been named Aaron, and everyone thinks it's an extremely cool name, full of style and avant-garde. He, at seventeen, is at the age where everything he does seems to be a feat. And about to graduate from high school.   However... Neither of us is facing a good time in our lives....   Since we both have the misfortune of being responsible for two people with whom, at least for me, I am not very familiar.   And they are Mrs. Jimena and my cousin Hilary.   Both of them say all the time that I am too mature for my age, that I am an intellectual girl, and that maybe I want to be a lawyer like my f*****g brother aspires to be.... Everyone thinks that because I have a sharp memory and an innate ability to respond to aggression, I have the right written in my future.   The dilemma comes, when I allow myself to express my mixed expressions, and as a token of the same, the abhorrence I have begun to feel for my father.   Everyone asks over and over again, why do I hate my father so much?   As if he's such a great example!   After he has claimed so much, how much he loves us, that he is capable of giving his life for us, he has gone to the show of the first adversity of our life as a so-called 'family'.   My mother has become ill, she has a kind of paralysis that has her all the time immobile on a sad hospital gurney, but in a room they have adapted in our house.   We were a happy family, or so it seemed. With adults who loved each other, and two children who were being raised in a warm environment, with an abundance of love and good values.   Until my dad, abandoned us.... Who knows under what stimulus.   In the same way, I feel that nothing justifies abandoning your children. And even less so when they are in the full age of development, where education is fundamental, and even more so when Madrid is so congested? With so many currents of thought, so many slips, so many addictions and so many confusions.   Among my main desires, while I find myself trying to develop a philosophy assignment that I have been given for Thursday, is the unheard of desire for many, to grow up, to be an adult, to eat the world. Even though sometimes I have lows where I feel that this will not be possible if I do not have my mother's hand to support me, she has always been the inexhaustible source of energy that any person needs to have close by. She is soul, she is light, she is life? And now her green, eager eyes look dull and distant, far away, even from me, the apple of her eye.   I don't find support in my brother, even though he tries to be a good example for me... For he is more intent on romancing every young woman who approaches him, than being a companion to me.   "Rain, Jimena has arrived, and she is going to check that you have done your school obligations, I am very busy right now"" My brother Arón bursts in without warning.   As usual, I can tell he's on his way out.   Is he ever going to talk to me and agree on how to cope with this new life we are trying to live?   "Perfect, Aaron, I hear you." I reply trying to make him notice that I am not in agreement with him, and the way he behaves towards me.   How I miss my brother, and the quality time together with him. The video games and horror movies he used to make me watch.   I decide to leave my comfy room and I tuck my journal under my bed, it is not fit to be seen by any member of my dysfunctional new family.   As I stand in the hallway, Jimena looks at me with her usual sympathetic gaze.   "Rain, how are you, how's your day going? As soon as you're in the mood bring your homework to the hall table, I'm afraid to tell you that Hilary is coming today, to check that everything is going well at home, and you know how temperamental she can be." Jimena greets me and touches my head, I don't quite understand how people take this as a token of affection.   "It was pretty good, and I finished almost all my homework... I even advanced the math one they have left me for next week, however, Jime, I'm not so happy anymore, no one can be happy if they are aware that Hilary's black cloud is going to settle in their house." I state facetiously at the reproachful look Jimena gives me.   "I'm sorry, Rain, but he's the only family member approaching this house to watch over the integrity of you and your brother, there's nothing more I can do. I know you like to criticize and that you are a rather irritable person, but there aren't too many options right now, and at your age, you don't have the power to make choices." Jimena muses plaintively.   Yes...   Here's the speech that I can't complain about anything that happens in my life because I'm too young to do so. It's the perfect people, with perfect lives, who have made that choice, without carrying out any analysis beforehand, without considering how we feel about being belittled and without the ability to give an opinion.   "I will avoid disturbing, do you know if my brother is in his room? I want to talk to him, ask him if he can look at my homework? Not because I don't want you to do it, Jime, I'd just like to be with him a little." I blurt out embarrassed, I hate showing my vulnerability to others, however, it becomes the only viable way for them to consider what I want and the creepy way I feel.   "No problem, you can say that I've been busy doing your mother's daily bath and that's why I haven't checked on you in time." Jimena replies to me and accompanies it with a wink.   I walk over to her and wrap her in a warm, sisterly hug.   I walk to my brother's room, possibly having a little better luck than in the previous days.   "Dirty animal, can you open up for me?" I ask him in a shout.   "Rain, you're almost a lady, what are those manners!" he exclaims in an obfuscated tone.   "f**k man, I just came by to have you take care of checking my homework before Hilary's witch comes to see us, you're going to freak out at how well I've done." I reply in a jocular tone, I just want to be alone with him, not feel like the world is overwhelming me.   "Are you going to continue with those ways, girl? God reprimand you, that's not manners, now go away I'm busy." He answers me aggressively and doesn't open the door.   How can he talk about God if he treats me in that disgusting way?   He constantly makes reference to how religion is part of his life, yet then he has actions like this, where he belittles the closest family member he has available to him who is obviously in need.   At the end of the day, her opinions about me is not the most important, I used to care about my mother's, and now she can't speak, or move, or do anything. I can afford to talk however I want, and think however I want, I'm alone in all this.   I decide to go take a bath, my hair is a bit dirty, and being f*****g curly, it takes a specific set of care if I want it to look good when I'm older.    I make it quick enough, quicker than I had assumed, I hear the obnoxious Hilary's obnoxious voice in the kitchen, I could spend all day talking about all the reasons why I have insurmountable contempt for her.   I rush out of my room to communicate with her before she comes in on her own and starts ranting against my designs on the wall, my Billie Eilish posters, which she detests immensely just because she can't understand what her lyrics communicate, she's already a lady in her late thirties.   "Good morning, Hilary you look beautiful today, did you get something new done?" I jokingly greet her.   "Good morning, Rain, I'd like to say the same about you, but look at that uncombed hair, were you even in the middle of World War II? That's the only way to justify your condition, and let's not talk about those hands, your nails are filthy, it's not proper for a lady". He emphasizes with his false voice, I would like to hit him with my shoes right now, however, I contain my emotions.   Is it enough with the misfortunes I live hard? Apparently not.   Every time she comes, it is as if she intends to embitter my existence even more. I'm just a child, I'm ten years old, why the hell does she hate me so much?   We sit at the dining room table because they insist that we should have lunch together, Aaron keeps blessing the food with a face of concentration that I find disturbing. But since contrasts are always going to exist and show presence, Hilary says over and over again that he looks very focused, prays wonderfully, and I could listen to him all day.   After hearing five hundred times why we should be thankful for the food on the table, we finally start lunch, I continue in silence, just eating, a little rushing to finish, so I have the excuse to go wash the dishes in the kitchen and not have to be with the two most annoying and intense people I know, Aron and his religious phoniness, and Hilary with her feminism in disguise.   "Maybe watching you eat has made Auntie stiff, you eat like a pig, Rain, did you see that, Aron? Even her nose is crammed with food, it's a real fiasco trying to make your sister people." Hilary interjects and a knowing look crosses between her and my brother.   "Mm, and you look like a sow trying to flirt all the time with all the men who come to bring the letters, do you think I haven't seen you?" I reply with derision and let out a mocking laugh.   Aaron looks at her in disgust and storms out of the kitchen without explanation. She looks at me angrily, wondering what he is going to say to me.   I start to pick up the dishes quickly to escape to the kitchen, I get ready to wash them while I think about how easy life would be if robots were already accessible among us, it is hateful to have to do everything manually, and that it is something so every day, it is a real odyssey.   I meet Jimena when I was about to go back to my room.   "Did you mess up with Hilary again, Lluvia?" she asks me with a concerned gesture.   "That's right, I told her she's a slut, but nicer, it was just "slut" as she usually calls me slutty, I found that she might find that sort of synonym cute but used on her, didn't you think it was witty?" I reply spontaneously and stand admiring an abstract painting we have in the hallway.   "Hilary is the person who is taking care of you, Mr. Helio hasn't shown up and your mother's health you know is delicate, try to take things calmly, time is a machine that never rests, in a few years you will be older, and you will have the whole world at your feet, and with this attitude of annoying that woman you are not going to get anything" Jimena expresses seriously.   I shrug my shoulders as I'm not going to explain to her that I'm not going to wait eight more years to be able to say what I want, I'm living as best I can.   I spend the rest of the day watching TV shows that manage to entertain me, and I go to sleep as soon as it's nine o'clock at night. School is the only place where I dare to be myself, and even so, some people accept me and don't label me as disgusting for the way I express myself or for telling the truth more than half the time.   ...   I wake up with a lot of energy and hurry to put on my uniform, I hate being late, however, it is a challenge for Aron to make me angry with that situation.   We both wait for the bus together and head to school, he is in the last year of high school and I am still in elementary school, although I normally escape to his area, I am fascinated and curious about what happens there.   After greeting my best friend Pamela, we start chatting about the latest episodes of the series that we watch together, until I notice that Arón is kissing a girl on the lips? In front of the guidance teacher of the freshman boys, and all of us up on the bus. Does this seem like socially accepted behavior to you?   Isn't he the same man who constantly berates my manners and vocabulary because he thinks it's too perfect?   "Is that your brother, Rain?" Pamela asks me with an embarrassed expression.   Turning to look at her, I notice that she is blushing.   "Yes, that's my brother who says my Platonic love for Zac Efron is a sin, but just wait, I'll tell him his truths right now." I reply in anger.   "What crazy thing are you going to do? Don't go make a fuss, they're going to make fun of you if you do." Pamela cuts me off.   "These are the memories I want to have when I'm an adult, Pame." I quickly reply and walk towards my conquering brother.   This is the essence that I wish to characterize me throughout my life. I will not see injustice, I will not allow myself to be denigrated because of my gender.   I will grow up, and I will never forget these moments.   ...