What I want

The past

Areefa

I sat next to asma and Arfah a smile making it's way on my face as memories flood my head

"I still remember when I and him Were preparing for our wedding......

Flashback.......

"I'm just nervous ashraf, what if something goes wrong? I mean I heard that when things are going so well calamity is waiting to strike at the right time" he rolls his eyes 

"For god sake stop fretting, we're fine and doing so good. I've waited for this moment for long so don't ruin it" he mumbles looking out the window from the backseat of the car we arrived in, we were at the dinner event and waiting for the m.c to announce our arrival 

He takes my hand in his a soft smile on his face "I really can't wait to spend for ever with you, areefa I promise to devote my whole life showing you just how much I love you. Growing old with you as we watch our kids running around . That'll be our forever and  ever after " I smile back at him with a nod , I'd love that as well 

Present time.....

"But that wasn't the case, it was far from it"

Flashback......

I held his weak hands in mine as I rest my head on his chest feeling him breath heavy and trying to laugh at the same time

"I still remember the look on his face when Faridah told him she didn't want to marry him"  I laugh almost falling off the small hospital bed, he pulls me closer as the laugh died down small chuckles still escaping us

"Do you remember our plan? Our forever and ever after" I nod smile still present on my face 

" I'm so so sorry areefa I don't think that's possible, areefa I don't think I'll make it till then" a sob broke through me as I clutch onto his shirt 

"There's nothing I'd love more than to do that but I guess this is where our journey  comes to an end and even though it hurts me greatly to think of another man having to take my place that's what's going to happen" I shake my head as I was full on crying now 

"I want you to promise me areefa, that if you meet someone who'll take care of you and our kids you'll give him a chance. Give yourself a chance at happiness again, please areefa promise me so I can leave with no fear of holding you back. All I want is to bring a smile to that gorgeous face of yours whenever you remember me, that's my last wish" I nod through tears and gut wrenching pain clinging onto him and praying, no begging and pleading god to keep this man beside me as I wasn't ready to lose him .

Arfah 

I felt tears roll down my cheek as I listened to mamas story, she had a huge smile on her face but you could see the tears and sadness in her eyes as she tried to keep it at bay 

"Ashraf was truly one of a kind, I just wish he had more time and showed people just how much of a blessing he was" I saw her smile weaver and for a bit I thought she'd break down but it left just as fast as it came 

"I'm going to go check on mansur and the boys cause god knows they get easily side tracked and forget the task at hand"

I watch her leave as my heart breaks for her. Mama was one of the strongest women I know, I loved her and felt so bad for her. She had lost him so young and still stayed strong, all my life I've watched her smile when she talked about him or when my siblings brought him up and never has a tear escaped her eyes. She kept her promise to him, he made her smile and glow whenever she remembered him. And I prayed I never ever go through the kind of pain and hell she's living through all day, and I hope and pray her pain is rewarded with only good things.

Muayyad pov

I stare at the pictures smiling, it was i and Mufeedah,I had a folder of us. I looked at her smiling face, no she was laughing uncontrollably without any care in the world. I felt the distance between us now, it was like everything was falling apart while I was trying to keep my family happy. Her call interrupted my last thoughts, answering i was only met with silence. I could tell she was on the other side of the phone cause I could hear her breath softly and I waited for her to say something first.

"I can do it, wait till you're ready to come for me. Comeback to me because something tells me you're still mine unless I'm wrong?" I sigh 

" you're right i have no Intention of letting you go, I promise I'll keep my word I'll always be here. You must see videos online with the wedding and all, and I'm not gonna lie I'm going to have to do things you don't like. But I owe it to them, my family marrying the first born off and her because all this wedding stuff only happens once and I want it to be a great experience for her" I could hear her take a deep breath 

"I don't care as long as you remember who you belong to" 

"I know Mufeedah don't worry"

We ended the call with our goodbyes, I should be happy about us but I wasn't. I was preparing to be what I disgusted the most, a cheater who's not loyal to my partner. Granted I never asked for Arfah, but no woman deserved being a second option no matter what.

I shake my head trying to get rid of the guilt I felt, but I still felt bad knowing Arfah was going to have to go through a lot. I didn't love her, heck I had no romantic feelings for her but I'll be the man who'll make her go through so much, I'll have to watch her eyes lose the light and happiness she's supposed to have. I prayed god forgives me because I had no intention of letting Mufeedah go.