Into The Land of Punt

As he stood on the edge of the cliff. He wondered if this really was the way to do things. Nah! kidding. He chuckled as his heart hammered his chest. This was his way of life. Life on the edge. Literally. Adrenaline coursed through his veins making him love even the moment. He rolled back his sleeves, showing his protruding muscles and veins that looked like snakes were slithering down his arms. He took another breath and tugged his rope to check if the pulley stand that had supported and held part of his rope was steady enough. Oh yeah. It was. He took one more breath and jumped off the cliff. This was life. This was why he was born. This was why he was an archaeologist. What he had been doing in the past was nothing but child's play. Boredom. He swung through the air and searching for the entrance to the cave he had been chasing all over. He found it and stopped unrolling rope. The rope almost slapped him onto the face of the cliff. He bent himself and straightened his back and hit the wall of the face of the cliff with his feet and almost screamed as his feet hurt. He stood straight and and slowly walked on the face of the cliff. Tom Cruise lied. He thought as he held his breath. This stunt was way more painful than he let on. But Deadpool was right. Hard on the knees. He reached the crevice on the face of the cliff and he instantly knew his mistake. His weight. The traction beneath his boots, the face of the cliff. Even gravity. They weren't enough to keep him there. Nor did they give him enough time to insert the medallion onto the small crevice on the cliff. He fell on their trap. He thought. Voluntarily. f*****g gravity. She's a b***h! It just turned him into a pendulum. Why didn't he see it? Guess he was going to die. He looked down as he kept on going, losing the medallion in the process. Butterfingers! What a damn pickle! He was supposed to be a scientist. What the f**k did he just do? Why was he giving the pendulum more momentum? He weighed his options as his chances of survival slowly descended. He didn't have enough inertia to to slowly go back to the pendulums lowest energy moment and the pendulum was slowly gaining more energy. Soon it was going to pull him back and wipe the face of the cliff with him. But he didn't have enough time to release be free of the cliff and parachute his way to safety. He closed his eyes and took the only leap of faith he could. He used his free hand to release the parachute as he jumped of the face of the cliff before unlocking his harness button. The parachute pulled him and he fell down fast. Before he could gain control of the parachute, he was already into the forest cover of the sss forest. Each branch put a slap to his face just for the fun of it. As the ground approached, he almost sighed at the haven the ground promised, his parachute caught on the tree cover and yanked him. Sharp pain went up his groin and he froze as he felt pop. His eyes instantly lit bright red and as the parachute cords squeezed his balls. All the veins in his face grew as his face doubled in size. My balls! He cried in his head and blinked a couple of times before the parachute pulled him up a bit and dangled him for what felt like an eternity. Another pop. His face became even more pitiful. It became even brighter, but he didn't dare even move. "My balls have popped." He said with a trembling voice. No wound he sustained on the fall hurt as badly as the one between his thighs. Even though all bled and were probably calling all the dangerous carnivores of the forest, he didn't move for a moment. Especially as he felt his testicles slowly crawl back into his body. Once the pain subsided, he cut himself loose and fell onto the wet ground with a huge thump. He landed on his face and stomach and yelped, screaming, "f**k you!" He slowly got up while cursing. He stopped once he was on his knees and held his waist. Dad was right. he thought. He was a fool. He then continued to his feet and cut everything he had in him except his clothes and walked off with his legs spread apart. He bought the wrong hiking gear, he told himself in consolation. Wrong hiking gear.