Second Chance Mates [Full Collection]

Chapter 3

Chapter Three

WILDER

We quickly drive by my place, picking up some clothes. I never expected this to happen. To spend day and night with Logan’s mate, but somehow, since you can never expect any decency from Logan’s parents, I seem to be the only one who can be there for his little family. How did everything get so messed up?

In the back, Sterling and Maddy have fallen asleep, and Sarah keeps giving me glances, but she doesn’t say anything. She knows too well what Logan meant to me, and she also knows that I would never have let his mate and child be alone after all this mess. There are only so many times in your life that you can make a difference, and I believe this is one of them. Besides…

It’s not just about them, I don’t think that being alone is the right thing for me right now either. I know that I won’t be able to lean on him, but I think that just being there for Sterling and Maddy may help somewhat to lessen my own pain.

We drive out of the bounds of the city, into fields and hills.

It only hits me then that they lived so close, close enough to just drive there. My quick gasp attracts Sarah’s attention.

“We’ll be there in 20 or so minutes.” She puts her hand on my leg and I cover my mouth as I internally break down, trying not to let out the sounds of pain as this new realisation sets in.

He lived so close by. Any time in the past ten years that I left the house, we could have run into each other.

My eyes shoot to the two in the back, they’re still asleep. Which, I guess is good right now, as the pain won’t go away and the tears keep coming. This is my pain, they don’t need to know about this, this isn’t about them, this is about me, me and Logan.

Sarah squeezes my leg again as she keeps driving, she knows, of all the people, she’s the only one who knows about this pain. I put my head to the window, looking outside over the fields. But it doesn’t calm me down, especially since I know that the city isn’t far behind us, my city, the one I’ve lived in my whole life. I close my eyes, my heart too heavy.

I must have dozed off at some point, as the next thing I know is the sound of gravel under the wheels of the car. The house emerging in front of us is simple, not very big, sort of like a cottage, but there is a good-sized walled garden and there are fields around it. I think I can see some sheep walking around in the back.

“Home!” Maddy chirps from the backseat as she starts to get restless.

I look up and meet Sterling’s eyes in the mirror, he tries to smile but there is just no energy behind it, if anything, he now looks worse than before. I can’t blame him, this is the house he shared with Logan, there will be many memories and they’ll be a constant reminder of his loss.

“Okay, let’s get inside.” Sarah puts on a happy face as she opens the car door and in the back, Maddy also tries to get out of the car as quickly as she can. For the first time, I’m on my own with Sterling.

“Hey, I know you would have much preferred someone that you actually know to stay here with you. I get that, I understand that it can’t be easy to have a stranger around right now.” I meet his eyes again. “Sorry.”

He nods, looking out the window. “I guess it’s okay. Sarah was right, I can’t keep this all running on my own. So thank you for staying with a stranger,” he follows his little girl with his eyes as she is rushing to the gate that opens into the garden, “and his kid.”

He’s quiet for a moment and I’m about to get out of the car as he speaks up again. “Maybe knowing that you knew him and that you cared for him, even after a long time, knowing all that, maybe it makes this a little easier. I don’t know. Does that make sense?”

“Loss doesn’t have to make sense, neither does surviving it.” I open the car door. “I’ll be here if you need me for anything, it doesn’t matter what it is. But you don’t have to do it all on your own.” As I step out, I see him nod from the corner of my eyes. He looks exhausted and so lost.

How did I get myself into this again? Oh, yeah, because I’m way too nice of a guy, or maybe I know what it’s like to be profoundly alone, even if our situations are different.

I get to the back of the car and grab my bag. I only packed some essentials, so I don’t have to worry about clean clothes and stuff. Though, seeing this place, I don’t know, maybe I should have taken some clothes that are better suited to get really dirty. It seems like they do a lot of outside work around here.

Sarah joins me and stops me for a moment. “Are you sure about this? I could see if I can change my parents’ minds, or even ask a neighbour here. I don’t want to put you in a bad situation.” I can hear the underlying words, even if she doesn’t speak them, ‘not another one’. Because Sarah and Lilly are the only ones who know how I nearly didn’t survive Logan leaving the first time, who knows what will happen now he’s really gone?

“It’s not just for them. I’ve never properly been able to say goodbye either. I feel like I need to do this. For me.” I pull the bag over my shoulder and look up just as Sterling opens the door to the house.

I stumble back as my mind flashes to the past, directly in the doorway is the exact painting that Logan used to have at our front door. According to him, it represented love, kindness and an invitation to do good by a stranger. For me, it represented home. I let out a strangled sound. Yeah, Logan doing good by a stranger, that was so him, but what about the people who actually loved him? What about them?

Maddy appears in the doorway, her shoulders down and Sarah and I both step towards her before I stop and let Sarah take the lead. Sarah looks at me for a moment, confused, before she goes into the house. I follow them and close the door behind me, then I touch the painting, at about halfway up the frame, on the right side, a spot worn away from years of doing exactly that. It still feels so natural, so comforting.

And for a moment, I’m transported back into the past. I don’t exactly know why I started touching this spot, but I’ve always done it, maybe as a silent prayer at first, but over time, I did it because it made me feel like I was home. I guess, this time, that prayer is not for my own happiness, or for a home, but for everyone to survive this horrible time.

When I look to the side, Sterling stares at me, tears in his eyes. He quickly dries them but they won’t stop. f**k, what did I do? I messed up. I reach out, pulling him into an embrace and he leans against me, sobs wracking his body. My own tears rise to the surface again and I hold onto him tightly.

As he calms down, the words come out. “Sorry. Sorry. I was just supposed to come get you, to show you to your room. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologise. I’m sorry for being weird right when I step into your house.”

“It was just… It felt like he was right there. He… He’d always do that. I’ve never seen anyone else touch the painting like that. It was surreal. I guess it just overtook me.” He steps back and wanders over to the painting, his voice mellowing. “You had this same look on your face as he always had, some sort of serenity. Even if it was fleeting.” He turns to me, his eyes locking with mine before he looks away. “I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

“It’s fine. It’s nice to hear bout him.” Even if it hurts.

He stands up straight. “Right. Your bedroom. Follow me.” He guides me through the hall, to a door at the back, right across from a staircase. “The guest room is in here. It may be a slight mess, we don’t use it often. Our bedrooms are upstairs and so is the main bathroom. The small bathroom is here.” He opens a door next to the stairs to show me. “And ehm, the kitchen is all the way back down the hall, just like the living room.” He starts moving nervously.

“I think I’ll be able to find it. I’ll see you in there, yeah?”

He nods and makes his way down the hall.

I take a deep breath and step into the guest room. As I expected, there are a lot of things from Logan here, pictures, books, some knickknacks. I close the door behind me before I let out a sound.

So many things that he took with him when he left, that he kept, apparently, even if it’s just in a spare room. So many things that I have memories connected to, so much of our past lies here. He didn’t throw it away, he kept these things, even if not in plain sight. What does that say about him leaving? Why did he keep all this? How will I even survive this?

How will I be able to pretend that I’m ‘just a friend’, when everyone who takes a two-second look at me can see how badly this hurts?

A quiet knock on the door makes me take a deep breath and pull myself back to the present. “Yes?”

“Daddy wants to know if you want something to drink,” Maddy speaks through the door.

I open the door for her and kneel down. She frowns and pulls the dirty tissue I gave her this morning from a pocket in her beautiful dress. “For your tears.”

I take it and rub the tears away. “Maddy.” She looks at me. “Let’s keep this between us, okay? Daddy doesn’t need to know about my tears.” I put my finger to my lips.

She copies me. “Shh, secret.”

“Yes, secret. Now, where is your daddy?” I feel like such an ass, making this little girl keep a secret from her only living parent. But I don’t need Sterling to know, not now, hopefully never.

Maddy brings me to the kitchen, a perfect kitchen, a kitchen exactly as I’ve always wanted it, like it was plucked from my dreams and planted into this reality.

Sterling is sitting at the table, looking at me, apparently taking my surprise the wrong way. “Do you like it? Logan designed it. He also built most of it.”

My heart beats like crazy and I feel my face heat up. I try to push it down, this dark and sickening feeling. Try to force it to go away. “Right.” My breathing comes out heavy and I grab around behind me, finding the handle of a door, as I try it I feel a gust of air, a door to the outside. “I’ll be…”

I open the door fully and flee into the garden, my pace fast, trying to get away as far as possible before I explode before this feeling overtakes me. The darkness inside me grows bigger and bigger. In the back of the garden, I find a stack of firewood and nearby, leaning against the wall, an axe.

I shrug off my suit jacket, grab the axe and some wood. Breaking things with my hands isn’t going to help, but at least this is a more productive way of getting that darkness out of my system, to cool myself down. I swing the axe, letting it come down on the wood, the splitting of the log like the sound of lightning, the smaller pieces shooting off to the sides, before I grab the next log, and the next. As many as I can get my hands on before I realise I’m being watched. Sarah.

The words come out harsh. “That’s my kitchen! He designed that for me. And he lived in it with him!” I’m not sure if my heavy breathing now is from the emotions or the work I did.

“I know.” Sarah steps closer carefully and I drop the axe, letting it fall to the side. “I know.” She pulls me close, like she did last time, like she did when Logan left me.

“I’m so confused. It hurts so much. Not just him being really gone, like really really. But why did he tell me he had to move on, and then he lives in the house that we wanted together? How can he live in my house with a mate who isn’t me?” My breath shudders, my chest aching. “I’m confused. It hurts.”

I hide my face in her hair, trying to hide from the world once more. I don’t care that I’m an Alpha. This was supposed to be my life. This is what Logan and I planned for all those years ago. And now… Why did he leave?