Second Chance Mates [Full Collection]

Chapter 4

Chapter Four

STERLING

As I watch them interact, the way Sarah rushed after him, the way her eyes are so different when she looks at him. Something must have happened between them, there is no other explanation. She’s so caring, so careful and so much more friendly towards him. There is a history there that is more than just caring for a friend of her younger brother, you don’t react like that to just a friend.

And it’s not like Wilder doesn’t seem like a good guy. But there’s something off in the way he acts, like there is a whole world inside him that he hides and the only person who knows about it is Sarah. It’s like they lock everyone out of their little bubble.

Maybe that’s just because I feel so distanced from the world right now. As I’m sitting here, I expect Logan to step through the door at any moment. If that’s not being disconnected from reality, I don’t know what is. He’s gone. A lump forms in my throat, taking away my breath.

Maddy pulls on my arm, staring up at me. “Daddy, I’m hungry.”

“What do you want to eat?” I stand up to check the fridge, there isn’t much, but there is enough to come up with some type of dinner.

“I want pancakes.” I know she’s testing me, trying to see what I’ll allow her, but I’m in no mood to deny her anything.

I grab the ingredients for the batter and start making the pancakes, enough for the four of us. Because, thinking about it, it’s been a while since I had any food. And no matter what, being a good host is important too.

Sarah steps back into the kitchen, her face thoughtful, but she gives me a tight smile when she sees me looking at her. “Pancakes? Your princess is lucky.” She kneels down next to Maddy. “Is daddy spoiling you? Pancakes for dinner?”

I don’t need to look at them to hear the smile in Maddy’s voice. “Yeah…”

“Will you be good to Daddy, then?” Sarah comes over to me, looking over my shoulder. “I’m going now. Call me if you need anything.”

“Thank you for everything you’ve done these past days. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.” I feel my throat close up and shake my head. How do you even properly thank someone in these situations? Then I realise that she came in on her own and that someone is still missing from the kitchen. “Where is Wilder?”

“He’ll be in soon. He’s changing into something clean.” When she sees the look in my eyes she really smiles. “Let’s just say that you have enough firewood to run the fireplace for a couple of days, maybe even weeks.” Oh. She winks and then hugs me. “I’ll check in on you tomorrow.”

“Okay. Thanks.” I pull her close, her warmth reassuring. “Have a safe trip home. Drive safe.”

“I will. You take care of yourself and Maddy.” She goes back over to my little girl. “If you need me, call me. You can borrow Daddy’s phone, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Maddy nods and looks up at me. “Right?”

“Right.” I nod at her and Sarah leaves the kitchen, a couple of moments later the front door opens and her car starts. With that, she’s gone, leaving me alone again.

Maddy stands next to me as I heat up the skillet. “Can you do shapes? I want shapes.”

“You know Daddy can’t do those. Only Dad could.” I swallow hard, trying not to let my emotions overrun me. “We’ll just have to make normal ones this time. Okay?”

“But I want shapes.” Maddy’s voice hitches and I feel like such a crap parent right now. Why can’t I give my daughter what she wants? What she needs? She doesn’t need a failure like me.

I startle as a voice comes from the door. “I can do shapes. I haven’t done them in a while, but I’m sure I can remember how to.” Wilder steps into the kitchen, his suit replaced by a worn pair of blue jeans and a T-shirt, then he looks at me, and the moment our eyes meet, I can breathe a little easier. I’m not alone in this, at least not right now. I’m such an Omega, I can’t even take care of my family without an Alpha or a Beta present.

“You can?” Maddy’s eyes light up.

“Yeah. Who do you think taught your dad how to make them?” He comes over, rustling her hair. “Just, bear with me, it’s… been a while since I did this.” There is a flash of something going over his face before he looks at me again. “Go on, sit at the table you two. I’ll show you the skills of a real master.” He touches my lower back for a moment as he steps past me, his touch comforting, safe, relaxing me a little.

We make our way to the table, from where we can watch Wilder show off. It’s fun, especially since the first couple don’t really come out as expected, a wonky heart, a flower that looks more like a blob and a few other odd shapes. But, next to me, Maddy is smiling, enjoying the show Wilder is putting on and I guess, I’m smiling too, a real smile. I can relax, I’m home, I’m safe and I’m with Maddy, for now, those are the most important things. I can worry about the rest later.

“Daddy! Eat!” Maddy hops in the chair next to me. I’ve been so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t even realise that Wilder put a plate in front of me too.

After a while, Wilder sits down at the table with us, a way too big stack of pancakes in the middle.

He sees me look. “Anything we don’t eat, I’ll turn into breakfast tomorrow.”

I don’t know if I find it odd or comforting that he assumes he’ll be on breakfast duty tomorrow. “Thanks.”

“No problem. I love cooking, and food.” He smiles and digs into his own stack of pancakes. Yeah, I can see that.

I try to eat some of the pancakes in front of me, but, even though I’ve barely eaten these last few days, I just can’t seem to.

Wilder looks at me, his eyes softening. “Don’t force yourself. We don’t want you to get sick.”

I nod and look at the clock, it’s getting late. “Maddy, it’s time to go to bed. Go get changed.”

“But I want to stay up longer. I don’t have to go to school tomorrow, right?”

“Right, but you still need to get changed.”

“Only if Wilder will tell me a story.” She challenges us.

“But I don’t know any good stories.” He smiles as he says it.

“I have books full of stories, you can read those.” Maddy hops off her chair.

“Sure, but you need to get changed and ready really fast, okay?” He stands up, looking at the clock. “Three, two, one. Go!”

And, like magic, she’s off. Her little feet bouncing down the hall. I’ve been having no luck with getting her to do much of anything lately, but Wilder seems to have the correct charm to get her moving. Or, maybe it’s just because he is new, that he’s a new plaything that she’s excited about.

When I look up at him, there is a strange look in his eyes, like he is sizing me up, then he averts his eyes.

“I’m… Eh…” He waves his hands. “Something.” His stance deflates. “I don’t know. I feel like I should do something, since I’m standing and all, but I have no clue what.”

“Help me clean up?” I stand up, grabbing some plates.

“I can do that.” He turns on the hot water tap, and I let out a smile.

“Wild?” I wait for him to turn around, but am stopped in my tracks when he looks at me oddly. “What?”

“My name…”

“Wild—” I realise my mistake. “Is that not okay?”

His forehead creases, then he shakes his head. “It’s okay, I guess. It’s just been a while since someone called me that.” It’s that weird look in his eyes again, like a painful memory.

“Okay…” I try to remember what I was going to say. “Oh, you don’t need to do that. We have a dishwasher.” I open one of the cupboards and show him our ‘hidden’ dishwasher. “We didn’t think it fit the style of the kitchen.”

“Good. I like that.” He helps me put the dishes in the washer and as we put the last cups in, Maddy’s footsteps rush down the hallway.

“How did I do?” She’s all excited now and I cringe, that’s going to be one hell of a task to get her to sleep.

Wilder looks at the clock again, appearing to check the time. “Really fast! Wow!”

Maddy shines as she comes over for a quick kiss and a hug. “Night night, Daddy. See you in the morning.” Then she looks around and her face falls. No Dad, no Logan.

Instead, Wilder steps in, holding out his hand to her. “Show me where you sleep, so I can tell you the best story ever.”

It helps, at least for now. Maddy relaxes and shows a small smile. It would be good if she actually went to sleep tonight, I know she barely did the last couple of nights. As they disappear down the hallway, I turn on the dishwasher and make my way to the living room. I turn on the TV and curl up on the couch. There isn’t anything I want to watch, or am even inclined to watch, but I don’t dare to get behind my computer or look at my phone right now. I’m not ready for that, I’m not ready for the world. I pull a blanket around myself, creating a little cave. Safety.

Slow footsteps come down the hallway again, Wilder, but I don’t hear Maddy’s light steps with his. The door opens and Wilder comes inside.

“Hey.” His low voice makes me shiver for a moment.

“Did she fall asleep?” I look at him and he stares back at me, then he nods.

“Yeah. She fell asleep pretty quickly. She was exhausted.” He comes over and sits down on the other side of the couch.

“I can imagine.” I yawn. I’ve barely slept either, it’s a wonder I’m even sort-of functional at the moment. “You’re good with Maddy, do you have kids of your own?”

A dark shadow crosses his face, making my heart ache for him. “No…”

Even though I can see it hurts him, I can’t help but ask. “Why not?” He seems great with Maddy, and she seems to like him too.

“I…” He stops, thinking it over for a moment. “My…” he starts, “my partner would never have been able to.”

“Would?” Oh, crap.

“I lost them, about a decade ago.” He closes his eyes, his face pained, and instinctively I reach out, taking his hand.

Fuck. No wonder he looks so upset by Logan’s death. No wonder Sarah is so careful around him. No wonder he seems to know how I feel, what I need. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pried. That was none of my business.”

He squeezes my hand, looking at our hands combined, and lets out a shuddering breath. “It’s okay. I just don’t usually talk about it.” He looks me over again. “Have you had any sleep these last couple of days?”

I shrug. “Some. Maybe a few hours. I can’t—” I stop for a moment, trying to keep my voice under control, it’s shaking too badly. “I can’t seem to sleep alone in the big bed. Too many memories.” Too f*****g many memories that I’m not ready to confront, that I’m not ready to face right now.

He nods. “Try to sleep here. I’ll stay with you if you want me to.”

“Thank you.” It’s not just the memories, it’s the being alone that’s the worst. It’s the knowing that he’ll never return. I pull the blanket higher over me to hide my tears, but Wilder tugs on my shoulder and I let him pull me onto his lap. Using his legs as a pillow, his heavy arm over my shoulder, letting me know I’m not alone.

At least not in the physical sense, because there is no way to soothe the gaping hole in my chest, the hole that Logan left behind. You’re not supposed to lose your mate, we’re not made for that, we’re mates because we’re together for life.

Still, it doesn’t take long for sleep to overtake me. A deep, dark, but dreamless sleep. The sleep of an exhausted man.

So I’m not sure if I’m just imagining things or if Wilder really muttered, “f**k you, Lo, for leaving us both.”