Forever in my Heart.

Forever in my heart. Those words always stung the deepest. Scratching my mind with sharp shards of glass from my heart broken countless times over the years. Our friendship was always out of what was convenient for him. I was merely there for his gratification. I was constantly giving love that I would never receive. Living on the ounce of hope I had that maybe someday he would love me like how I loved him. I was deep in thought, watching the rain hit the river like little torpedoes. I always came to this place when I was feeling lonely, or needed a good place to relax and be alone with my thoughts. It was his and I’s favorite spot to hangout at. We have always been best friends through high school. Since I was basically the only friend out of our group to have a car, I’d always be picking him up to go with me on whatever shenanigans I had planned. I miss that part of him. The part where I wasn’t in love with him. Although that part of my life was very brief, it was filled with memories that I’ll cherish forever. Suddenly my phone rang-breaking the silence inside my car. I picked it up. I let out a sigh. It was just one of those scam calls about trying to sell me a stay at a 5 star resort. I rolled my eyes. These were basically the only calls I ever really gotten anymore. I had friends of course but now that everyone is adults nobody had much time to converse or hangout besides the occasional f*******: post. I clicked on the f*******: icon in my phone, scrolling through my feed. Happily married couples, a pregnancy announcement and of course the posts of people complaining about god knows what. Typical. I noticed I had a friend request, I clicked on it expecting someone that I barely knew to pop up. My heart sank. My stomach flipped and turned in what was almost disgust and excitement. It was him- Jackson. Jackson Thomas. My soulmate. It’s been 2 years since our last talk. I remember it vividly. He called me pathetic because I couldn’t be happy for him. He found the “love of his life”. I mean how could he expect me to be happy for him when I was dying from the shot to the heart when I read his message about her. I sat there for a little while. Should I accept the request? Should I delete it? My mind was going wild. “Damnit!” I said out loud. I hate how he drove me on the brink of craziness. Why do I still care after all these years of torture? He played my feelings constantly throughout high school. I should be over this by now. I hit the accept button. My social media was something I could control, I only shared my accomplishments or my good times I’ve had on it. Nothing that can alude to my loneliness. Maybe if he seen that he didn’t phase me after his cold words towards me, he would know he had no power over me. He did though, I always had a weak spot for that man no matter what he said or did. I put my phone down in the cup holder of my car. I looked back out the window watching the rainfall. JACKSON POV Man, she was beautiful. I scrolled through the pictures she had posted. My favorite one was her wearing a thin spaghetti strap white tank top that teased the top of her round breasts perfectly. Her blonde beach waved hair fell around her breasts framing them. Her eyes were captivating more than usual. They were blue with a light brow ring around her pupil. I could get lost in those eyes. I have many times before. Her lips pink and moisten, they gleamed from the sun shining on her face. She was by the river we always went to in the background. Our spot. I wonder how many times she went there without me. Clicking on the message icon, I began to type out a message. I paused-what do I say? I treated her like s**t over the years. She was supposed to be my best friend and I treated her terribly. Although I didn’t mean to. I know my words and actions hit her like a ton of bricks. They hurt. Hey, Amber. I missed you, I know it’s been awhile since we’ve spoken. I was hoping we can be friends again? If not I understand. Short but simple. I didn’t want to write to much confessing my love for her since I didn’t know if she hated my guts or not. I didn’t want to let my hopes up if she did. Maybe I could ease into it, slowly gaining her trust back. I wanted that more than anything right now. I’ve broken my promise to her time and time again. I promised her that I would always be there for her when she needed me. I know after all this time she wouldn’t reach out to me. Not willingly of course. She was hard headed. To prideful to admit to needing help or just someone to talk to. Just like me. We were a lot alike. However, she was gentle and kind. Something that I was not. I picked up my phone, she had read my message. God, I hope she will reply. Maybe I should have said more. Even apologize for being an ass. I could have said more than what I did. At the risk of seeming too needy I’d have to wait and hope she would reply back. I shoved my phone in my pocket and decided to go on a run to clear my head. Something I did frequently. AMBER POV Shit! s**t! s**t! I threw my head back into my seat. He messaged me. Do I dare open it? Suddenly my anxiety was through the roof. My stomach in knots, my hands frozen to my phone. I was in a daze. My mind flooded with every memory of him. The good and the bad. Truthfully, I did miss him. I just don’t know if my heart could talk what he had to say to me. What if he’s married? Has kids? Everything I wanted with him with someone else? Could I pretend to be a happy and supportive friend? I couldn’t last time. What makes this time different? I finally mustered up the courage to open the message he sent. It read: “Hey, Amber. I missed you, I know it’s been awhile since we’ve spoken. I was hoping we can be friends again? If not I understand.” That’s it? After the harsh words he said to me two years ago. That’s all he had to say? He missed me? My eyes closed. Disappointment filled my mind. I let out a sigh. I mean what do I expect him to say? He never apologized for anything. He never could admit to being wrong. Never could admit for treating me like nothing. I put my phone down and started up my car. It was getting late and I needed to go home and relax. I drove home in silence.