A Single Mother

** A love song playing in the background in the room ** A girl was staring through her window. She was in deep thought. She was wondering what she had done wrong. She did everything right. She had to give up her childhood dream to make people happy. For instance, her father passed away when she was eleven-years-old. And her older brother was fourteen-years-old. She only had a mother and brother to look up to. She never had anyone else. She doesn’t want to remember everything that happened to her. She doesn't even remember. It hurts her to the point that she doesn’t remember. She was supposed to have happy memories. Memories she could look back to. But, that would be impossible for her. No matter how many times she thought about it; it would give her a lot of heartache. Her whole body was hurting. It wasn’t a physical thing. It was more of an emotional thing. She sighs over and over. She started to close her eyes. As she did, the painful memories haunt her all the time. Tears fell from her face. Her heart and soul were torn into pieces. Not once but countless times. By everyone around her. She thought she could find peace. She thought she could find real friends. Someone who got her back. Someone who supports her. Someone who defends her no matter the situation.  She didn’t want anyone to leave her. She wanted someone to go after her. Because she couldn’t fight this alone. She couldn’t even express how she felt. Even when she did, if no one understood her. It was like her feelings were thrown under the bus by someone. She experienced a lot of heartache throughout her lifetime. She curses under her breath. She made sure no one heard her. “ Why me ? “ “ What did I do to deserve this ? “ She quietly cried. She couldn’t help her tears from falling. It hurts her a lot. Everyone she meets will always hurt her. She knew she had extreme trust issues. It was hard for her to open up to people. She thought to herself that if she met someone knew then she would test them without them knowing. And they all failed her test. She was a fool. A fool to open up to people. “ It’s not a crime to have people to be involved with me “ “ Why?! Why do I always make the same mistakes over and over? “ Why does everyone do this to me?! “ She quietly curses some more under her breath. She had to make sure no one heard her again. Why can you ask? Because she’s not alone in the room. Her mother and brother were there. But, they are sleeping soundly in bed. She looked over her shoulder. She frowns when she looks at them. She didn’t have any happy memories with her mother and brother. She can’t even count the days when she was ever happy. She has to make sure not to be overwhelmed. Or over stressed. Because it’s not good for her. Not when things crashed down towards her. Everything fell quickly. She regrets saying anything to THAT person. She thought he would be fine with it. But, she found it the hard way. She already knew that those people didn’t like her. However, she didn’t care. She only cares if HE does that to her. She sighed once more. She wiped her tears softly. She patted her eyes gently. She couldn’t wipe it from her shirt. Because she already had face mask cream on her face. She didn’t want to ruin it. She walked back to her bed. She knew she couldn’t sleep. Not when she couldn’t forget about HIM. She knew someone was watching her from a distance. She could tell. She was different, like every woman out there. Girl’s POV Oh hey! I didn’t recognize you. Sorry. I was reminiscing about everything that happened to me. Truth be told, I am like you. I am a normal person with hopes and dreams. I used to believe in love at first sight. But, I was gullible. Thinking that some men I’ve met will feel the same. I was wrong. Especially when trying to make new friends. Which is hard for me. I wish I could turn back in time. I wish I could fix everything that was wrong. I wish that people didn’t judge men so easily without knowing me. Yes, I was just like you. I didn’t know anything better. But, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. A second chance if you please. However, in doing so, I had to experience the crucial pain. A pain of betrayal, lies, etc.  I had to endure this while growing up. I was raised like this. All the resentment towards people made me like this.  I don’t want to feel this way anymore. It made me not able to open up to anyone. If I had to look back on the past, it would have been a horrible experience. One that I should’ve forgotten. But, I couldn’t. It’s hard not to. I was indeed a fool. A fool to believe every word that anyone tells me. I should’ve seen it coming. I took a deep breath. If I had to look at myself for twenty-three years of my life, I would still be a kid. Someone with big dreams and hopes. My dream was to fall in love with a guy. Go on dates with him. Share memories. Settle down and have a family. Maybe we have six kids together. If God permits. I also dream of having my own business and becoming famous. And I would be writing stories and publishing them as an author. But everything crashes down every second. The time when you make a decision is a life or death situation. Because you don’t know what’s right or wrong. As for me, I had a harsh upbringing while growing up. I didn’t know the real reason why my biological parents abandoned me as an infant. I was just a baby.  Looking back… January 6 1990 “ You can do it, my love. We both have a son. “ A man spoke to the women of his life. He watches her lying in a hospital bed. She was wearing a hospital gown. She was panting here and there. The pain she felt while she had pushed very hard. It was as if she could feel death a mile away. That’s what she felt it was. The feeling when you are trying to survive giving birth again a second time.  She made sure not to give birth. She only wanted a boy. But she had to cut off any possibility of giving birth to a girl. That’s why she told her son that he was supposed to have three brothers. However, it didn’t go as planned. She was sweating like bullets. She could see her son giving her a worried look. She smiled at him hoping to assure him everything is okay. Her husband was there holding their son’s hand for comfort.  Minutes have passed. Then seconds. People outside the delivery room were waiting. Some were sitting down. Some were pacing. It was a miracle she was able to have another child. She wonders if this second child of hers is a boy. That’s all she wanted. A moment of silence was dreading in the air. Until the sound of a baby's cry could be heard a mile away. The sign outside has turned red from green. It was giving the people outside good news. But inside the delivery room it wasn't good news. Not to her anyway. Inside the delivery room, the nurse carried the baby away. It was her way to clean the baby of any blood whatsoever. The little baby was a bundle of joy in everyone’s eyes. The husband stands by with his wife and son. He helped wipe off the sweat from her forehead. The little boy was excited. He would be a great brother. When the little boy saw the nurse coming up, his feelings went from happy to sad. He thought he would have a little brother. Sadly, he was mistaken. Not after what the nurse said.  “ Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Rose. You have a little baby girl. Mr. Rose, the baby girl has your eyes. She will be a beautiful girl one day. Since she appears to be Chinese “ The nurse said out loud to everyone in the room. The nurse was happy. Even the doctors. However, there were no smiles from Mr. and Mrs. Rose. All they could see was disappointment in their eyes. Everyone in the room was silent. They went outside to announce it. And they were excited about the baby. The people outside waiting for them were happy. They didn’t care if it was a boy or a girl. As long as the mother of the child is alive. It was a miracle.  The nurse was going to ask what was wrong. But the doctor stopped her in her tracks. He looked at her and shook his head. That’s all he needs to know what’s wrong. His job was to help the mother give birth to the child. They couldn’t give them their opinion. “ Why do I have a baby girl? It’s hard to raise a girl. She won’t listen to me. But having my little boy, he’s easy to control. “ “ Why god?! Why did you give me a baby girl?! “ The woman cried out to no one but herself. She was excited about having a baby boy when she found out she was pregnant. But her dream crashed down.  It was as if giving birth to a baby girl was a sin to her. Her husband stayed quiet. He didn’t give any opinion about it. Since, he also wanted another son too. It was as if the baby girl was a plague to them.  After the mother and the baby stayed for a month or so, they went back home. Their home was in a house in the Philippines. They went back to their relatives on the women’s side. They were happy. But they stayed quiet. They knew they wanted a son. Everyone was happy except for her. She couldn’t celebrate.  “ Don’t be like that sister! Good things will happen to you. You can’t choose which baby to have “ The women spoke. It was one of her sisters that spoke. She crooked her smile for her. She watches her sister wipe her tears off.  She tries to reassure her sister. That’s when an idea pops up.  “ Sister, why not have your children read? It would cheer you up. “ The woman's sister spoke out. She could see her attitude change. She knew her sister liked having their fortune read.  ~ The next day ~ Everyone freshens up. It was a big day. It was when few would go see the person. The one who makes a fortune for them. Everyone changed. The woman and her husband waited in the house. She couldn’t leave her daughter and son alone. So she waited until her sister came back and she did.  A minute passed. Then a second. Then half a minute. No one paid attention to the baby girl. The woman and her husband pay attention to their son. Doesn’t that sound not fair to you guys? I guess not.  They didn’t hear the baby cry. They heard that their sister had come back. So she got back up and pretended to look at her daughter. To check to see if the baby was doing fine. But when she did, the baby gave her that look. A look that the baby’s mother didn’t like. She couldn’t harm the baby yet. That’s what her thoughts were in her mind.  “ See? I told you honey? My sister is taking care of her own daughter while we are gone. Isn’t that the cutest ever? “ The woman's sister spoke. The same woman who cares for the baby girl as if it was her daughter. The man was skeptical. He knew something wasn’t right, but he didn’t fight about this one for his wife’s sake. The baby’s father, on the other hand, let go of the breath he was holding. It was as if he took a deep breath. It was a sign of relief. A relief that they didn’t get caught. He didn’t want to be labeled a bad father. Not in front of the little boy. Their son.  The infant girl heard what her father said. She knew instantly that she was unloved by both her parents. And that they were playing favoritism from the start. She started to resent them. Dark emotions start to creep up on the baby every day. It was a feeling of hate for her own parents. A feeling of hate for her brother. She knew she was the youngest. Since, she figured her dad had more children before her and her brother.  The baby girl didn’t know what was going on. So time passed. It continues to move without her. At that moment, she didn’t see her biological parents and brother while she was growing up. All she saw was people who looked like strangers to her. But she still hears voices coming from them. Telling them that she’s her mother’s sister. And that she is in charge of raising her. They were the only family that showered her with love and affection.  Time continues to move forward… June 19 1993 The baby was now at the age of three. She was able to learn how to crawl. She didn’t open her mouth to speak. She was a quiet girl. She forgot what her biological parents look like. She doesn’t remember what her brother looks like either. All of a sudden, she got the news of the century. There was laughing coming downstairs. She knew she was still in the Philippines. She peeked 9 out. She saw a beautiful woman. She wondered who she was.  “ Come down here child. Come meet your mother. “ The surrogate mother called out to her. She follows what she is told. She went down. The woman she grabbed was sad. Sad to let the little go. She doesn’t know if her sister will raise her well. But she didn’t say anything. It’s her sister, after all. After a short reunion and greeting, the beautiful women carry the three-year-old girl with her. There was no goodbye. The child cried. She didn’t want to be separated by people who showered her with love and affection.  She was on the airplane for the first time. She didn’t want to cause trouble for this person. The person she doesn’t recognize. She stayed quiet.  She hasn’t said a word. This made the women happy. Because she didn’t have to show her true self to the little girl. After minutes to an hour had passed, they landed at the San Francisco International Airport. The woman carried the little girl in her arms. She made it believable. Believable for everyone to think the women and daughter are getting along. But that is by far from the truth. After everything happened in the airport, she got a ride from her friend. They drop her off at her house. She says goodbye to her friends. Then, she reached the door; the little girl clung to her leg. She rolled her eyes and took a deep breath.  She unlocked the door, opened it and closed it. She ignores the fact that the little girl is attached to her leg.