The further away the better

I sit on the train, Nervous yet excited. I'm a 34-year-old finally breaking free, Although I will miss one thing, my daughter, I know I have raised her well to live independently whilst she endures adulthood, she practically packed my bags for me. Laughing to myself, “where will I be going? What will I do, I will miss you!” “ Mum just go, you have been my rock, just go! Nothing is holding you back, I’m ready, and I can only go knowing you are enjoying life. Now get the map out and put the bloody blindfold on!. “I’m so scared what if it’s a gross place that is filled with old men, no teeth, drinking themselves to sleep. Argh! What if I go to a place that’s like Sydney, I couldn’t handle that! Oh! I don’t know. Let’s do it another way.” I wasn’t in my right mind when we decided to do this, Cleo yells “no!” She shoves the blindfold on and starts spinning me, after 4 spins I let my finger fall. I hold my breath, my hearts beating so fast. What have I done? As Cleo grabs her phone and starts typing away, I keep my eyes shut, even though I have a blindfold on “just tell me what I got” “No Mum, you told me to book it and write it on a piece of paper in a sealed envelope” as anxious as I am, I feel a sense of urgency. Four weeks ago, Cleo was accepted in the university of her dreams, she was already packed and waiting to move to her new place she can call home in Perth, now it’s my turn, I sold the house with the furniture, quit my job as the bank manager, gathered every penny I have, signed my life away to a drunken deal with my daughter. Cleo spends a few minutes scrolling her phone, grabbing my credit card and many oh that’s nice, oh wow. “Yep, it’s all booked” For my whole life, I have been stuck, restricted and silent. It was the only way to survive. I lived in my shell when my daughter began to see how hollow I was, tomorrow I get on some form of transport my daughter had booked and we part ways for 6 months, if I hate it I change locations, most likely I’ll be close to her. She is my everything, I don’t know how I’ll do this without her beside me each day. We hug, she hands me the envelope and says “Mum you need to be at the train Station 6:15am” kisses me tells me she loves me and leaves our home for good. I place the envelope in my bag, saving it for the train station, after many hours of tossing and turning, wondering and wanting to look into the envelop, I dream of what I’ll be exploring, the adventure ms I’ll have, if I’ll make new friends and if I will see who I true and, I meditate myself to sleep in hope that when I wake tomorrow I can be me, the true Kaly from that day on that I’ve always wanted to be. I wake up at 5 am, I pack my handbag, already had my bags at the door, because I sold my car, I wait for the taxi, i’m shaking so badly, my stomach is turning to the point I may vomit. I drink my coffee, clean up after myself. I can’t sit still so I walk around the home I worked my guts out to purchase, it wasn’t much but it was ours, I see memories every where I look, I see memories I wish I could forget. I write a note to the new owners sending warm wishes and hope they enjoy there home. I leave the keys and walk out the door. I walk to the ticket window, “where are we travelling today?” “Um, I don’t know, s**t! I grab the envelope, open it in a rush. Mum, this place is gorgeous, you will be going on an adventure just to get there, you will go by train to Perth, catch a plane to Canberra and then a bus to ADELONG, you will be staying at a farm stay in an gorgeous, Villa for 4 weeks. I know you will be leaving your hone behind, so check the stop you need to get off on the outskirts of town. I love you, it’s so fitting to you. Don’t worry about me, we will write, but I will be checking you actually went. Take care Mum and live free. Cleo xx “Miss, hello, where are you heading?” “Oh sorry, yes to Perth please. I check the maps on my phone, right, snowy mountain highway, I get off there on the outskirts of town on that side. The train pulls up, I jump on after checking in my bags, I sit down and take a slow deep breath. Im doing this.