The further away the better

20 years ago

I feel good today, I’m excited to be free and hand out with my friends. I don’t have many friends. Likewise, I know I’m a kind and funny person, but I guess I don’t trust many girlfriends, some are down right bitchy, and I seem to not hang around conflict starts. I’ll never understand why people go out of their way to hurt another person and to see it as funny, lt blows my mind. Tonight though I have escaped the family home of controlling parents, not from lack of loving me all for me being around for convenience. I just want to be a teenagers and hangout with my friends, maybe meets some people outside my short list of people. I’m 14 years old, and I have been to one teenager party, yay! Tonight we’re going to the movies and dinner maybe we will go to another person's house I don’t know, but I’m excited and nervous. Dana picks me up with her parents, I have my birthday money saved, so I hope it’s not an expensive ticket, I really want some popcorn. Dana and I go into purchase the ticket, we head upstairs, and she tells me we have about 5 others joining. Feeling completely out of place and know how awkward I am, I hang to the back of the group. With $6.80 left over, I have to choose a small popcorn or a large drink. I grab the popcorn as I am last to get my snack, Dana introduces me to the friends, Todd, Shane, Ebony, Kayla and Dean. Waving politely we head to the movie, single file into our seats I’m next to Todd he’s on my left and Kayla to my right. The movie is hilarious, I’m right into it and giggling to myself. Sometimes I get a bit loud, the popcorn is delicious, and I’m trying to make it last but finding it difficult, lost in the movie Kayla leans over and whispers into my ear “Hey, come to the bathroom with me” oblivious as to why she would need me to go when I wouldn’t even know where it is I respond“ I don’t know where it is maybe Dana can take you” Kayla laughs“ no silly I know where is just come with me” slowly I say okay, I continue to watch the movie and laugh until I exit the door, Kayla stands there and proceeds to tell me I should hook up with Todd, shocked to find that someone is attracted to me, I shrug and say why, Kayla Laughs ‘ have you not seen him staring at you all night, he is so keen on you and you two would make such a cute couple, he is like my best friend, and he is completely cool. Go for it, make out, see where you go from there!” New and exciting butterflies go through my stomach, someone likes me? We only met 1 hour ago, is this how it is for human? Within an hour and not speaking to someone, you can be attracted. I seriously had not taken any notice. We walk back together, Kayla is giggling at me, and I’m so bloody shy I can handle see straight, what in the world is happening to me. I sit down and stare at the screen, I can’t even watch the movie, Kayla is elbowing me and Todd is touching my hand. I’m completely Frozen, Todd slides his arm over my shoulder and brings my body close to his, I don’t know what’s going through my brain, butterflies and nerves, raging words of what the f**k do I do, Todd slides his hand to my jaw and pulls my face towards his and kisses me, then SHOVES his tongue into the back of my throat then I feel a gush of saliva go down my throat, WTF was that, I slightly try to stop, but this guy thinks he is incredible and thinks this is amazing what in the world is this leach doing to me. Finally, it stops, my brains is saying how wonderful is that for a first kiss. He didn’t even kiss my lips, the douchebag tongued my tonsils. I would have preferred the movie over that, the movie has ended and Todd has chosen to hold my hand like that show of affection means we are a couple, Joy! For the rest of the even the guy won’t leave me alone and I kind of don’t like it for one as we stood up he was facing my half developed n****e/boob lump, I don’t know why but one boob grew for a good 6 months, I can’t wait until I have breasts not just a breast! Anyway, as we are our pasta Dana was kind to share hers with me and I actually took a look at the persons whose saliva I exchanged with, or drank, he reminded me of a beach kind of dude, but also too white for a beach dude, I can only wonder if that was his first kiss or if he has had others. Surely that’s not kissing. Dana’s parents are here to collects us, Todd give me a slight kiss on the lips as we go, Dana’s parents have allowed me to stay the night and once we are settled into bed and comfortable, Dana turns to me and asks ‘what the f**k was all that about’ I responded in disregard ‘I guess that’s a first kiss and the movies’ Dana ponders“ do you like Todd?” “I don’t know”“ I didn’t see that coming at all’ “yeah me either, I was enjoying the movie until Kayla took me out of the cinema and said all that” “well I don’t know Kayla all that well, I’ve heard she likes to play matchmaker with people but then take the boy for herself” “at 14years old that sounds horrific to exploit herself like that” she did Say Todd liked me and I guess he doesn’t, and I have these feelings, so I don’t know what to think right now. The next week goes On as usual, Mums working and stepdads drinking as usual, Friday after school they’ve gone to happy hour at their local drinking hole, finally I can have some peace and quiet, the youngest kids are with their Dads, so I can actually relax until the s**t storm comes home. After showering and fixing myself some 2 minute noodles I sit down, flick on the Friday night movie, I hear a knock at the door, eye rolling but curious I open the door, “Ahh Hello Todd, how do you know where I live”, “Oh Dana told me, can I come in, what are you watching” “sure I’m just watching Batman returns“, “cool can I watch it with you?” if you don’t want to watch it “nervously I say “I can turn it off”. “ Nah just be cool to sit and hang out with you, I missed you’ I truly didn’t know how to take that, I do know it’s nice for someone to be thinking of me, not the babysitting housemaid. I do have this nervous feeling, I don’t know a flash back you could say of my younger years and the step-brother we don’t speak of, I can’t think of it, but it’s something. I offer Todd a drink, he declines, probably because my house isn’t very nice, everything donated or old as the hills, the chairs look like filth, although I have put sheets over them, you can still feel their grossness. Argh, kill me now, he must like me if he is here. He isn’t like the step-brother he is kind, he came here to see me, and he is sitting in this chair just so he can be near me. Todd turns to me and straight out say “have you had s*x before” quietly I Say “No” my heart is breaking through my chest, my god how embarrassing. Todd remarks “yeah me either” awkward silence, and we keep watching the movie again Todd does his move, slides his hands on my jaw turns my head and begins his attach on my throat but now that we’re not in two armchairs he can be barricaded he throws himself onto my body, before I know what’s happening my pants are off and my virginity is gone. I didn’t picture it that way, I pictured love and tenderness. But maybe that’s only in the movies. Todd leaves, says thanks, and I’m left laying there. Not knowing what has just happened to me. He didn’t even ask.