"Nina... Nina wake up beautiful. Let's give our thanks to the moon goddess for all she has given us. Come now, grab the candle and incents." My mother grabbed my tiny hand and told me to follow her to the woods. She turns to me while walking, smiles, and says "remember to sing this song every morning to show your heart to the goddess. She has given you the gift of sight, and we must shower her with praise". I was confused and replied, "but mother, I am blind" my mother would chuckle and say, "you are far from it. You are gifted with..."
Beep... Beep... Beep...
Ugh, it's 5 am already. I glide myself to the edge of the bed, trying my hardest to bring back that memory. I have had that dream every night for the past seven years but never remember what she said to me. Gifted with what? Misfortune? I laugh to myself. Even though I did not believe my mother's words, I still woke up every day before dawn to sing her song of praise not only to honor the goddess but also to my mother and father. As I stand up, I place my weight on my tiptoes so that I would not wake the monsters sleeping.
I quietly grab my cane, two candles, an incent, and my favorite liter. My best friend gave it to me on my birthday last year; and headed for the front door. "Ouch," I whispered. I had stumped my toe on something hard that should not have been there. I was never allowed to use my cane in the house because aunt Viki never liked how it sounded, and she did not want me to scuff her floors, so I remembered where all the furniture was placed to prevent things like this from happening. However, occasionally they would change the furniture around on purpose and tell me to put it back before bed.
"It's okay; just a few more days, and I am free." I reminded myself that in just one day, I would be 18. I will gain the other part of my soul (my wolf), move out to live on my own, and find my destined mate. I feel the door for the lock and handle and head to the forest. I walked this forest barefoot my entire life, so I knew it like the back of my hand. As soon as I reached my ritual spot, I took a deep breath to feel everything around me. I could smell the trees, feel the wind, and hear the animals as they moved in unity.
I begin singing and dancing in the old language:
"nauhata rahum, nauhata rahum, perri perri tei..."
I continued until I was in tears as the image of a woman and man who sounded like my mother and father began to chant with me. I never was able to see their faces due to my disability, but when I sang, these two always appeared with love in their eyes. They would sometimes hold me and tell me to be strong. It was almost as if they were here with me. My mother was beautiful, and my father was very handsome so I would think. As I finished, she kissed my head, and I asked her to stay, but she smiled and disappeared into the light.
I wipe my tears away and smile at how ridiculous I am being for chasing after an image in my head. I began my journey back to my house to get breakfast ready for my aunt and uncle. I'm almost at my midway point, and something is off. I smelled the air, and it was pained. I could hear whimpering and twigs breaking. I followed the sound and smell silently when I heard a loud moan.
"Ahhhh, yes! Max, yes!" a girl shouted
"Goddess, your so fu*king wet," a guy replied
"There, yes, I'm coming," she responded.
Oh my god! They are not doing what I think they are doing. I crouched behind a tree and tried to silence my laugh. The guy was grunting, and his she-wolf was screaming in pleasure. I did not care to stick around to smell or hear their interaction any longer. Not only because it was gross, but it made me feel super weird, almost sad. I tried to slowly move away towards my house when I heard "who's there"? I crouched down on all four and held my breath when he replied.
"I can smell you, come out NOW," he commanded. A shiver was sent down my spine, but I could not be caught, or I could lose my life. The way his voice boomed through the woods made me tremble in fear. I began to crawl again, and as soon as I felt it was safe, I took off running to the house. As I reached the pavement, I stopped to catch my breath since I did not hear any footsteps behind me. "Woooow," I laughed. As I walk in the door, I am greeted with a slapped in the face.
"Where have you been sneaking off to?" My aunt yelled.
"I went for a jog because I felt restless," I lied. My aunt hated my mother and how she was so spiritual, so if she knew what I was doing I'm sure she would lash out at me. I mean, as soon as she got custody of me, she told me that all spiritual activities would cease to exist in her house which was weird because she was a wolf who had a connection to the moon goddess, just like the rest of us.
"Restless? What could be on your mind? You live, eat, sleep, and breathe for free. You have no care in the world. Just hurry up and make my food, "I'm dying from starvation here."
"Yes, aunt Mika."
While in the shower, the feeling of sadness crept back into my heart. I felt this often. The pain would mainly hit me after getting whipped, but I could also be doing nothing and it would come upon me. It felt strangely like today in the forest. I clapped my hands together by my face because there was no time to think about it; I had to get the food ready for my aunt and uncle. I would rather cut off my hand than be late doing anything for them. I silently walked to the kitchen and started feeling my way through the ingrediants for the breakfast I was making.
As I am in the kitchen cooking, I can smell my uncle enter. I could hear his feet walking heavily in my direction and my body tensed on its own. "I know it's been almost eight years, but I am amazed every time I see you cook without seeing," he says. He leans down to the right side of my ear, barely touching my earlobe, and whispers, "it smells amazing". Panic set in, and I froze. My hands began to shake and my throat dried up so no words could escape. "Here, let me help you with that; you don't want it to burn, right?" He said as he placed his hand on mine to flip the pancake. "Hmmm," my aunt clears her throat as tears begin to fill in my eyes, knowing that she will ignore his actions.
"Is my plate ready?" Aunt Mika asked.
"Ju-Just about," I struggled to respond.
"You useless trash" she walked over in my direction fast and grabbed me by the hair and neck as hard as possible. Her hand was so tight around my neck that I could barely breathe and soon started seeing spots. When she finally released me, she yelled for me to make her plate. I dropped to the floor clenching my shirt while gasping for air .Tears streaming down my cheek but not a sound coming out. There was no time to feel pity, the longer I sat here the worse it would get. I stood on my shaking legs and picked up a plate, made them their meals, and ran out the door. I felt sick to my stomach. This happened every time uncle Kenneth and I was alone.
I once tried to tell Aunt Mika that Kenneth rubbed my inner thigh while playing with my hair a few years ago amongst other incidents but she only defended him. She said that if he did not touch my private parts, what was I complaining about and that I just wanted the attention from him anyways. The only thing telling her about him ever did was come with the worst lashing I have ever received. I was whipped with a metal chain laced with wolf's bane until I clasped. I was asleep for six days after since she would never take me to get medical attention and even woke up filthy with an infection. I promised myself that I would never speak of this to her again and stay strong until I got out of this hellhole.
After calming down once I was inside my room, I felt up and down myself and started smiling when I confirmed that my clothes were not damaged during the altercation. Today was a big day, it was my first day working at the packhouse as a cook. Plus, these were the only new pair of clothes my aunt had ever bought me. I usually wear her hand-me-downs but she did not want me to embarrass her and have people question her. I was a small omega in one of the most giant packs, so this was a dream job. I guess my aunt pulled a few strings for me so that I could start paying back some of the living expenses for the past seven years. Even though I knew this would be not easy I was happy because this would be my ticket to independence. It's about a 45-minute walk from my place to the packhouse so I left an hour early just in case.
As I reached the gate to the packhouse, a very husky voice asked me for my name and to state my business and responded in such a weird way. "Hello, sir, I am Nina Laytoni, sir. I begin working here as a maid, sir". Ugh, why can't I be normal around people? I think to myself. I hear a chuckle. "You may enter, cadet". I stutter thank you and begin walking up the driveway with my cane. I was super nervous for several reasons. One being I was blind, two people wear assholes and three I was blind and people were assholes.
I opened the door and immediately the smell from earlier hit me. It smelled like fresh rain during the spring. It smelled sort of what I smelled in the forest but a bit more pure. I stood there confused hearing and feeling many things but remained focused on that smell. I feel my eyes begin to roam. "What is that?" I whisper. I begin following the smell not knowing or seeing where I was going and heard a loud growl.
"It was you". A deep raspy voice yelled.