Tainted Love

What am I doing?

I was slowly pulled from the depths of my brain my someone shaking me gently by the shoulders. Instinct kicked in as I forcefully pushed whoever was standing over me off, I sat up quickly in bed gasping for air.

“Hey, are you okay?” It was a voice I was familiar with but couldn’t quite place because the pain in my chest was overwhelming all of my senses, it felt like I was being suffocated by someone.

“Where am I?” I was confused because I didn't know this place. I tried to stand up out of bed and run but someone’s hand clamped down on my denying from leaving. I followed the hand up to the person’s body when my eyes rested on Jessie and all the events of that night flooded back to me.

The fear in my chest was starting to decrease and I began to catch my breath slowly. Releasing my arm he brought his hand up to the side of my face and I flinched on instinct before I allowed my head to rest in his palm.

“What time is it?” The shirt he had given me had basically fused itself to my skin with sweat and my lungs felt like I had just run a thousand miles. In an effort to cool off I pulled my shirt up to expose the lower part of my stomach careful not to show anything I didn’t want him to see.

“It’s just after 4am.” He was staring intently into my eyes and in any other situation I would have probably felt embarrassed, but there wasn’t any mental space left inside me to occupy another emotion.

“You were crying and whimpering in your sleep loudly. I tried to wait it out, but after about fifteen minutes I couldn’t watch you suffer anymore. By the way you're sweating.” He had reached his hand up to my forehead and brushed my hair gently out of my face.

“Yeah I know-“ I said defensively as I pushed his had away from me.

“I really need to take this shirt off so I can cool off.” I Felt like I was dying and I just couldn’t deal with how constricted my throat felt anymore.

“Is there any way you can open the window? I feel like I’m suffocating.” Unable to endure the heat any longer, I ripped his shirt up over my head and laid against the bed on my stomach with my back exposed. Jessie had stood up and crossed the room to open the window and within an instant I felt a small breeze against the bare skin on my back.

“I don’t want you to think I’m like Emily but I feel like I’m drowning.” I knew there was no way he could have known the brutal truth to this statement so I played it off in a way that made it seem like the temperature was the root of my discomfort. I could feel his eyes glued to my bare back but I just didn’t care.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” His voice was full of softness and sincerity, something I had never imagined from a guy like him.

“No, I'll be fine. Just give me a few minutes to calm down.” My chest was still heaving with anxiety so I barely noticed Jessie as he crossed the room and sat down next to me. The contact of his hands against my skin made me jump before I realized what he doing.

“Is this okay?” He asked as his hands slowly gained strength against my skin, after a few short seconds he was fully massaging me.

“Yes, that's okay.” I suddenly realized that I was laying topless in his bed with only a slim pair of underwear separating me from full nudity. His hands had slowly worked their way from the top of my shoulders down to the lower part of my back just above my butt. The contact so close to my core made my face start to flush as my breath was quickened. He must have silently registered this because after a few moments he slowly reached his hands into the back of my underwear to rub my bare skin down there. I let out a small groan in pleasure and arched my body against his hands trying to force his hands closer to my core.

“Do you want me to help you relax again?” He asked in a soft whisper. I could tell by his breathing that he was just as affected by this sensual touching as I was.

“Yes.” I said it in a whisper so softly it was barely audible. I had since buried my face in his pillow with embarrassment of my eagerness to be touched. His hands came to a blunt stop before he was fully touching my core. “Was that a yes?” He asked seductively.

“Tell me what you want and I’ll do it.” Lifting my head away from my pillow so I could speak clearly I forced myself to answer him.

“I want you to make me feel good.” This sentence was spoken through half gritted teeth, it was hard for me to admit to myself that I wanted him; let alone say it out loud; I knew the risks of fooling around with a guy like Jessie but for some reason I literally couldn’t deny myself of him.

With that final statement he pulled my panties off my body in one fluid movement and tossed them to the floor. Bending my legs I pushed myself up off my stomach to allow Jessie better access to me from behind. I spread my legs wider awaiting the pleasure I knew I was about to receive from him. Feeling the mattress shift I watched him stand and move to the end of the bed, he positioned himself so he was leaning in between my legs with his face close to my core. What happened next I almost couldn’t describe.

I could feel the warmth of his mouth against me as he held my legs strongly in his grip so I wouldn’t squirm away. Arching my back in acceptance I wondered how I had never been touched by a man like this before. As an adult woman I knew s*x could be enjoyable but no one had ever prepared me for how good it actually was.

Yearning for him to touch me in the spot that felt the best I slowly flipped over onto my back and gazed down at his beautiful face. I couldn’t fathom why someone as attractive as Jessie would ever be interested in a girl like me. I was nerdy, bitchy, and poor. On one hand I thought he might actually like me, but on the other hand I wished he didn’t because I didn’t want to be involved with anything that resembled a boyfriend. Messing around with a guy like him was sure to destroy me in the end and I knew that, but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t control myself.

Pushing those thoughts from my mind I returned to the task at hand as I admired Jessie’s wet and full lips. Leisurely pulling my legs apart he started placing soft kisses along the inside of my thighs as he slowly made his way back to the spot that felt the best. All I wanted to do was lay back and close my eyes in ecstasy, but my brain wouldn’t allow me to look away from the pleasure he was causing me.

He pushed my spewed legs up towards my chest so he could gently lick me from the top to bottom. That sensation alone over sent me over edge until he inserted his index finger into my soaked core. The pleasure I was being provided from him was too much to handle and I moaned loudly as I closed my eyes reflexively, the pressure began to build in my stomach and I knew I wasn’t going to last much longer.

As my climax built so did the level of noisy moans that escaped my lips. I felt Jessie reach his hand up to cover my mouth with expert timing. My stomach tightened reflexively and I gripped onto his hair firmly as I prepared for what was about to happen. The muscles in my core tightened around his finger and I melted into him in a way I didn’t know was possible.

An explosion of ecstasy shot from my core down to my feet and back up to my brain, sensing my orgasm Jessie started kissing and suckling me deeper which caused me to lose all control of the muscles in my body as I rode a wave of intense pleasure. It all eventually became too much to deal with and I reached down to push his hands and face away from me.

This gesture was returned with a full smile from him and he reveled in his ability to make me feel good. After a few seconds my brain returned to a semi-normal state and all I could think was that I to needed make him feel as good as he was making me feel. I finally gazed down towards him with half open eyes and formed a full sentence.

“Do you want to…?” I was too embarrassed to say the actual word.

“What, have s*x?” He said with a perfect smile. He pulled himself up by his elbows and laid his body on top of mine. I could feel the tightness in his boxers as he pressed himself firmly against my core and I opened my legs again in acceptance of this feeling; a low growling moan escaped his lips.

“I do want to have s*x, but not tonight.” He said as he started kissing my chest gently. I was confused, why didn’t he want to have s*x with me? If Emily was good enough why wasn’t I? I pushed his face away with my hands and forced him to look me in the eyes.

“Why? Is there something wrong with me?” My question was barely above a whisper. “Actually it’s the exact opposite,” He said as he gently kissed me on the lips.

“Your too f*****g good looking, I know I wouldn’t last more than a few minutes. I want us to take it slow, I want to savor you like a fine wine.” The filthiness of his mouth embarrassed me as much as it turned me on. I had never had someone speak to me this way before. “Okay,” I answered quickly. I honestly didn’t know what to say to him

“So you don’t want anything from me at all?”

“I never said that.” He had leaned his body up off of mine and gently grabbed my hand to guide it down to his waist as he watched me intently. He used my hand to rub himself over his boxers as he slowly pressed harder against his palm that was placed over mine. “How does this make you feel?” He asked as he gently started pushing my hands into his boxers, another low groan escaped his lips as I explored for the words to answer him. His eyes searched mine closely, I knew he was intent on an answer but I didn’t know how to respond.

“Is this something you’ve never done before?” He asked as he gestured down with his eyes.

“I've never done any of this stuff before.” I knew my answer had shocked him but that was the truth, I had only been with one other guy before Jessie and I was barely fifteen years old.

“Do you want me to show you what to do?” He asked gently as he pulled my hands away from him, moving himself up towards the headboard to sit beside me. “Yes..” The embarrassment was clear in my face and voice.

“Honestly, it turns me on even more to know that I’ll be the first one you’ve ever done this with, don’t be embarrassed.” Leaning over to kiss me on the mouth he simultaneously reached between my legs to rub me in the spot I enjoyed the most. I watched closely as he slowly began pulling his boxers off, my eyes were transfixed in place as I witnessed what the body of a greek god looked like in person. Never in my life had I witnessed a man so close to physical perfection and for the millionth time tonight I wondered what someone like him could see in someone like me.

RING RING RING

“Is that your phone?” Jumping up off his bed I realized that it was indeed my phone and I began to search for it among my scattered belonging. Wracking my brain in an effort to find where I’d left it last night I finally noticed that it was sitting under my crumpled dress on the floor. Reading the caller ID I noticed that it was a number I didn’t recognize, my anxious brain forced me to answer just in case it was Jordan and she was stranded somewhere again with out a ride home.

“Hello?” All I could hear on the other end was a lot of screaming and yelling in the background of the call, pressing the phone to my ear as hard as possible i yelled back,

“Who is this?”

“Hey Tasha it’s Austin!” Why on earth was Austin of all people calling me at this time of night? Had something happened to Jordan? Before I could even ask a single question Austin cut me off with more yelling.

“I think you need to come down here Ryan’s completely lost his mind, he keeps asking where you are and he’s been trying to fist fight everyone here including me.” I was completely confused by what Austin was telling me, why would Ryan be asking for me? And when did he become the guy who fist fought people in public?

“Where are you? I don’t understand, why is he asking for me?” Glancing up I realized two things: the fist was that Jessie had put his clothes back on from earlier today and was standing before me completely dressed. The second was that his expression couldn’t be translated into anything other than someone who was savagely ticked off.

My lack of clothing compared to him being fully dressed made me feel immediately uncomfortable so I pulled my underwear back on and quickly gathered my dress up. Gesturing for him to help me with the zipper I continued my conversation with Austin as I stepped into my clothes. Turning to the small mirror on the inside of Jessie’s door I noticed that my dress was a completely wrinkled mess. I tried to smooth some of the wrinkles out manually with my hands but finally decided there wasn’t anything I could do about it right now.

“Just tell me where you are Austin and I’ll come there.” Yelling into the phone over the loud music I briefly heard more people screaming and fighting in the background.

“We’re at that bar on 9th and Elm street, it’s the one you came to for Jordan’s birthday last year. I have to go PLEASE HURRY.” The sound of something being smashed loudly was the last thing I heard before Austin hung up on me. Sitting down on the bed I strapped my shoes as quickly as possible before I looked over to Jessie.

“Is there any way that you could give me a ride to The Bullpen? I guess Ryan’s there and he’s losing his mind.” I wasn’t exactly sure how much of my conversation Jessie had over heard but I prayed he didn’t hear the part about Ryan asking for me. If this was a normal situation I would have just walked by myself there, but it was the middle of the night and the shoes Id worn tonight wouldn’t prove reliable if I had to run away from any perverts.