A Shadow of an Illusion

Chapter 18

Ever since that day that Elysium, Hemera, and I talked about our plans, napapansin ko ang pag-ba sa kilos ni Erebus. It seems like something has changed to him that I could not point out, or rather, I should say that I don’t want to point out the change that I saw in Erebus.

Hanggang ngayon, nagpapa-ulit-ulit pa rin sa utak ko ang nangyari matapos kong maka-balik sa palasyo. He hugged me. The oh so mighty Emperor of this world, the most evil man that is living in this world, freaking hugged me in front of so many people! At hindi lang basta mga tao iyon, niyakap niya ako sa harapan ng mga tauhan niya.

I heard the loud gasp coming from Hemera as if she could not believe that she is witenessed this kind of thing. Nakita ko rin ang pagtigil ng mga tauhan niya at kitang-kita ko ang pagka-gulat sa mga mukha nila.

And somehow, even if I don’t want to, my heart beats so fast that it scares me. Ano ang ibig sabihin nito? Bakit bigla ko itong naramdaman dahil lang sa yakap niya? Bakit parang feeling ko, gusto kong yakapin pa niya ako nang ganitong kahigpit.

I tightly closed my eyes because of that thought as I clenched my fist and asked him, “Ano ang ginagawa mo?”

Mukhang natauhan naman siya dahil agad niyang inalis ang pagkaka-yakap niya sa akin, and somehow, it saddens me and I don’t really know why I am feeling this way. Or maybe, ayoko lang isipin ang dahilan kung bakit ako nagkaka-ganito.

“Are you alright?” he asked me and I am sure as h*ck that I could see worried look on his face.

Napa-kunot naman ang noo ko dahil sa sinabi niya. “What do you mean by that?” nagtataka kong tanong.

May nangyari ba no‘ng wala ako rito sa loob ng palasyo? Pero hindi naman ako nagtagal sa labas ng palasyo kaya bakit naman may mangyayari agad no‘ng umalis ako? O baka naman may hindi ako alam kaya nagkaka-ganito si Erebus.

But why does he looked so concern for me? He is really confusing me right now. Hindi ko alam kung naarte ba siya o ano, pero nakikita ko talaga ang pag-aalala sa mukha niya ngayon. I wanted to ask him why he is looking at me like that, but I stopped myself because we are in front of everyone.

“Why are you asking me that?” he asked me and I could tell that he was getting frustrated. “Don’t you know that the village that you visited got attacked by my enemy? And you asked me that as if you did not know what happened?” hindi niya makapaniwalang tanong sa akin.

I gulped then I looked at Hemera and I saw that she has a serious expression on her face. Maybe because she also thought that we were about to be found out if we will not answer his question wisely.

“The lady and I are already outside of the village when that event happened,” pagpapaliwanag ni Hemera habang seryoso pa ring naka-tingin kay Erebus.

Napa-hinga naman ako nang maluwag dahil sa sinabi niya at hinarap si Erebus para mapapaniwala siyang totoo ang sinasabi ni Hemera. We should fool him or we might face the consequences if he found out what really happened.

“That’s the truth, Erebus,” sabi ko sa kaniya.

Tumingin siya kay Hemera bago niya iyon inlipat sa akin, at alam kong tinitignan niya kung nagsasabi ba kami ng totoo o hindi.

“Then why didn’t you return to the palace immediately?” tanong niya at pinigilan ko ang sarili ko na tumingin sa direksiyon ni Hemera dahil baka maghinala na siya. “It happened this afternoon yet you just returned at this hour?” tanong pa niya ulit.

I tried as hard as I could to find something to tell him in order for him to avoid being suspiscious of me, but I guess that Hemera already have something in her mind because she answered him immediately.

“The lady hid inside the forest,” sabi niya at tumango ako para patunayan na ginawa namin iyon kahit na ang totoo ay hindi naman talaga. “Ginawa namin iyon para mapagtaguan ang nanggulo sa loob ng village, dahil alam nila na asawa mo si Lady Menrui. HIndi naman lingid sa kaalaman mo na alam ng lahat na asawa mo siya hindi ba?”

Tinitigan kami ni Erebus ng ilan pang mga minuto bago siya tumango at naka-hinga ako nang maluwag dahil mukhang naniwala siya sa kuwento na ginawa ni Hemera.

“Alright, I believe in what you say,” sabi niya sa amin at pinigilan ko ang sarili ko na mapa-ngiti. He focused his gaze on me and I could see a warning look on his face. “And you have to be careful the next time you went out of the palace,” sabi niya sa akin kaya naman tumango ako.

At least, hindi niya ako pinagbawalang lumabas hindi ba? I mean, the situation might get worse if he will not let me out of the palace. Baka mag-away na naman kami sa harap pa mismo ng mga tauhan niya, at hindi ko na ulit balak pang ulitin ang pagta-talo namin sa harap ng maraming tao na nagyari mismo sa araw ng ‘kasal’ namin.

Tumango lang siya sa akin bago siya umalis doon. Ako naman ay tumingin kay Hemera at yumuko nang kaunti para ipaalam sa kaniya na nagpapa-salamat ako sa ginawa niyang pagpa-palusot kay Erebus.

Tumango lang siya sa akin at nagpaalam na rin na may gagawin pa siyang ibang mga trabaho. Ako naman ay pumunta na sa kwarto ko para makapag-pahinga, or should I say to think of the things that Erebus had done today.

Pagakatapos ng araw na iyon, napapansin ko na ang pagbabago sa kinikilos ni Erebus. Kinakausap niya na ako palagi, minsan pa nga, napapansin ko ang kaunting ngiti sa labi niya tuwing kinakausap niya ako. Which is I found it odd, because after all, he was known for his stoic and cold face as if he was just a walking sculpture. Yep it is a pun intended.

Napa-buntong hininga na lamang ako dahil hindi ko pa rin maisip kung bakit naging ganito bigla ang pakikitungo niya sa akin. I mean the ‘then you should be careful out there’ part was already too much for me to think of, and then when I returned to the palace, he hugged me as if he was scared that he just lose me because of what happened in that village that I never really gone to.

Gusto ko siyang tanungin, o ‘di kaya naman ay si Grim, kung ano ba talaga ang nangyari sa kaniya at bigla siyang parang naging ‘concerned’ sa akin, or if concern was really the right word to describe the way he looks at me.

Inis kong ginulo ang buhok ko at napangalumbaba ako habang naka-tingin sa papa-lubog nang araw.

“He makes my head hurts because of too much thinking,” I whispered to myself.

And that is the truth, dahil ilang araw ko nang iniisip kung bakit siya nagkaka-ganito pero hanggang ngayon, blanko pa rin ang utak ko sa intensiyon niya kung bakit niya ginagawa ito.

Maybe he just want to annoy me? Though for me, it seems like his worry and that look on his face is really genuine. Or maybe, I am just assuming things and he was acting this way all this time?

I wanted to slap myself because I am overthinking again, but I stopped on what I was about to do because I heard the door of my room opened. Agad akong lumingon kung sino ang taong pumasok sa kwarto ko at hindi na ako nagulat na si Hemera iyon.

Siya lang naman ang nag-iisang taong hinahayaan ni Erebus na maka-labas pasok sa loob ng kwarto ko dahil ani niya, mas okay na raw na may iba akong nakaka-usap maliban sa kaniya. And I almost wanted to laugh when he said that because it seems as if he thought that we are so close with one another and not a total stranger who got married just because he threaten me.

“Milady,” pagbati niya sa akin at yumuko pa siya bilang tanda ng paggalang.

I just waved my hands at her because I could not persuade her to stop doing that when we are the only person inside a room.

“Ano ang kailangan mo?” tanong ko sa kaniya at tuluyan nang pumasok sa loob ng kwarto ko.

Nasa balcony kasi ako kanina dahil sa isip ko, mas makakapag-isip ako roon pero mas lalo lang sumakit ang ulo ko dahil wala pa rin akong maisip na magandang dahilan kung bakit naging ganoon bigla ang pakikitungo ni Erebus.

Tinignan ko ang oras sa wall clock na nasa loob ng kwarto ko at nakita kong malapit na pala ang tanghalian. Tumingin ulit ako kay Hemera pero napa-kunot ang noo ko nang makita ko na wala siyang dalang tray ng pagkain hindi katulad ng dati na may hawak-hawak siyang tray kapag napasok siya sa loob ng kwarto ko.

Pilit siyang ngumiti sa akin bago niya sinabing, “The Emperor wanted to have lunch with you in the dining area.”

Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa sinabi niya. “Did he really say that?” hindi ko makapaniwalang tanong.

Can anyone blame me? Ito ang unang beses na ipinatawag ako ni Erebus para saluhan siyang kumain. We were always seperated whenever we are eating our meals, and I did not really mind that because I really don’t want to fight him in front of the food. But why does he suddenly called me to have lunch with him?

Hindi ko mapigilang maghinala at mag-isip ng kung anu-ano. Ang lahat ng kinikilos ni Erebus nitong mga nakaraang araw, ang biglang pag-iiba ng pakikitungo niya sa akin, at ngayon ito, hindi ko talaga mapigilang isipin na may iba siyang balak kung bakit niya ito ginagawa.

I heard Hemera sighed as she shrugged her shoulders. “I know that this is very hard to believe,” she said as she looked into my eyes. “But believe me, he told me that.”

Kung dati, agad akong naniniwala sa sinasabi ni Hemera, ngayon, hindi ko maiwasang hindi siya paniwalaan dahil ito na ata ang pinaka nakakagulat na utos ni Erebus sa kaniya. At hindi ko maiwasang mag-isip nang mag-isip dahil sa sinabi niya.

Lumapit pa si Hemera sa akin at inangkla ang braso niya sa braso ko at pabulong sinabing, “I even told him to repeat what he said.”

Nanlaki ang mata ko dahil sa sinabi niya. “Tinanong mo talaga ‘yon?” hindi ko makapaniwalang tanong sa kaniya.

Tumango siya bago bumulong ulit sa akin. “I thought that he will get angry and will shout at me just like before but to my shock, he calmly repeated it and he even smiled.”

She pulled away from me right after she said that as she hugged herself and acted as if she was shivering because of fright. Naglakad-lakad pa siya sa harapan ko habang hinihimas niya ang braso niya.

Umiling-iling siya at nagsasalita na alam ko namang kinu-kuwento niya sa akin ang nangyari pero mukhang nagsasalita lang siya at kausap ang sarili niya na para bang pina-paniwala niya ang sarili niya na totoo iyon at hindi lang panaginip.

“I thought that I was just dreaming, or maybe I was just having a nightmare, that is why I saw him smiled, but when I blinked and even wiped my eyes, I really saw him smiled and his expression just changed when he looked at me weirdly,” pagku-kuwento niya at halos mahilo na ako dahil sa ginagawa niyang paglalakad sa harapan ko.

Napa-iling na lang ako dahil sa ginagawa niya. She is really different whenever she was with someone so close to her, just like now. And I have grown accustomed of her antics, but this is on different level.

I could not blame her though, if ever I saw Erebus smile, and just a half-smile but a full one, I might freak out too just like her. After all, just like what I said earlier, the way he acts these past few days is really so out of character for him.

“But you know what, milady?” tanong niya sa akin at lumapit pa siya sa direksiyon ko.

“What?” I asked her.

She patted my back as if she was encouraging me to do something. “You should go now, or else his not-so-good mood will turn into furious one if you make him wait a little longer.”

Napa-iling ulit ako dahil sa sinabi niya at ngumiti bago tumango sa kaniya. “Alright. I will go to the dining area now,” sabi ko at lumabas na ng kwarto ko.

Sumunod naman siya at pabulong ulit na nagsalita. “Be careful though. It was really weird that he is acting this way so I think I should warn you right now. Though I know that you are smart enough to know what you should do.”

Tumango na lang ako sa kaniya at ginawa ang sinabi niya. I have to be prepared and careful because this sudden shift of character of Erebus is really worrisome and I could not help but to think that he is planning something. And I think that I am not the only on who was cautious because of this, nakikita ko kasi kay Hemera na nag-iingat rin siya dahil sa pagbabago ng pakiki-tungo ni Erebus, hindi lang sa akin, kung hindi ay pati kay Hemera.

I don’t want to assume but I guess that he was not acting like that in front of anyone else in this palace. Not even to Grim, his butler.

Nagpa-tuloy lang kaming maglakad hanggang sa makarating kami sa dining area ng palasyo. Nakita ko agad si Erebus na naka-upo sa pinaka dulong upuan at may mga pagkain na sa harapan niya pero hindi niya pa iyon ginagalaw. Maybe because he was waiting for me? I don’t know but that is the only explanation inside my mind right now.

“Emperor,” pagtawag ng pansin ni Hemera sa kaniya. Agad naman itong tumingin sa gawi namin at hindi ko alam kung guni-guni ko lang ba iyon o hindi, pero nakita ko ang paglambot ng expression ng mukha niya. “The lady is already here.”

Tumango lang siya kay Hemera bago siya tumayo at itinuro ang pinaka malapit na upuan sa kinauupuan niya. “You may take your sit here.”

Tumingin muna ako kay Hemera, and she even mouthed at me, “Fighting,” before she turned to leave the dining area.

Naiwan akong mag-isa sa loob no‘n kasama si Erebus at ilan sa mga katulong niya. Tumingin naman ako ulit sa gawi ni Erebus at naka-tayo pa rin siya na parang hinihintay ako na lumapit at samahan siyang kumain.

Wala naman akong nagawa kung hindi ang pumunta sa gawi niya, dahil sa isip ko, naririto na rin naman ako kaya mas mabuti nang samahan ko na siyang kumain ng tanghalian.

Come think of it. This might be the first time that I will eat in the dining area of the palace. Dati kasi, mas pinipili kong kumain sa kwarto ko para maiwasan kong makipagtalo sa kaniya. Pero ngayon, hindi ko na ata maiiwasan iyon dahil nandito na ako mismo sa harapan niya.

Tuluyan na akong umupo sa upuang itinuro niya kanina at doon lamang siya umupo muli nang makita niyang komportable na akong naka-upo sa tabi niya. O kung masasabi ko bang komportable ito dahil hindi ko maiwasang kabahan kahit na wala naman talagang nakakakaba.

He cleared his throat that made me look at him and I thought that he was going to open up a topic about wars or killings, but to my shock, he said, “So let’s eat now.”

Tinitigan ko muna siya nang maigi at pinilit na i-process sa utak ko ang sinabi niya, at mukhang napansin niya ang tingin ko dahil tumingin siya sa akin at itinaas ang isang kilay niya na para bang nagtatanong siya.

Umiling lang ako para sabihing wala lang iyon bago ko sinumulan ang pagkaian. “Thanks for the food,” I said before I completely eat my lunch.

Tahimik lang kaming nakain at walang umiimik sa aming dalawa, hanggang sa nakita kong tumingin si Erebus sa tatlong katulong na nasa loob din ng dining area. Akala ko ay may iuutos lang ito sa mga katulong na nandoon pero laking gulat ko nang marinig ko ang sinabi niya.

“You can leave us alone. I will just call you once we needed something,” he said in a cold voice that made the three maids inside the dining area nod and leave the area hurriedly.

I frowned because of what he did and I looked at him as I was about to ask him what was that about, but I almost got a heart attack when I saw that he was looking softly at me.

I cleared my throat and breathed out to calm my uneasy heart before I asked him, “Bakit mo sila pinaalis?”

Hindi ako tumingin sa kaniya pagkatapos kong itanong iyon dahil hindi ko alam kung bakit, but I am feeling awakward right now. It feel as if it is because of him yet he was not doing anything except for looking at me with that almost tender look on his face.

“Nothing,” he said so casually that made me look at him again and I saw him shrugged his shoulder as if it was just a normal thing for him. “I just want to spend my lunch alone with my wife. Isn’t that too much to ask?”

My mouth gaped because of what he said. My mind went blank again as I tried to process what he said. He said that so casually as if I am really his wife whom he loves so much and wanted to spend his time with me, and not a wife by force.

Hindi na ako nagsalita pa pagkatapos no‘n dahil una, hindi ko talaga alam ang sasabihin ko, at pangalawa, hindi ako sure kung si Erebus ba talaga itong nasa harapan ko o hindi. Para siyang ibang tao dahil sa inaakto niya at hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong matuwa o hindi.

Akala ko ay mananahimik na si Erebus pagkatapos niyang sabihin iyon, pero nagkamali na naman ako dahil nagsalita ulit siya na mas gumulat pa sa akin.

“So,” he said that made me look at him. I raised my eyebrows to him as I wait for him to speak. “How was your day?”

My mouth opened wide in shock because he asked that like how a normal husband should ask his wife.