Unloved Wife's Redemption - (Montenegro Trilogy 3)

UWT 7: Pagdududa!

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***Zamera's POV***

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Kahit nagkaayos na kaming dalawa ni Kedrick at nagtiwala ako muli sa kanya, dahil sa pangako nyang hindi na nya uulitin ang ginawa nyang pagkakamali, pero para parin akong paranoid dahil hindi ko mapigilan ang magduda pa rin sa kanya. Sa tuwing makita ko sya na lumilingon sa kahit sinong babae lalo pa't maganda ito, pakiramdam ko magkakagusto sya sa babaeng ito at baka muli nya akong pagtaksilan.

I confess that Kendrick's betrayal significantly impacted me. My self-confidence wavered, lalo na kung mapapatingin sya sa ibang babae, I felt unattractive and fearing he's uninterested in my appearance. Insecurities emerged, and despite my reluctance to feel this way, I find it challenging to prevent.

Isang malalim na hininga ang pinakawalan ko bago ko napagpasyahan na humakbang palapit kay Kendrick. My heart is once again enveloped in intense jealousy and insecurities as I saw Kendrick talking to two beautiful women. Nasa isang mall kami, nag- gro- grocery, iniwan ko lang sya sandali dahil kumuha ako ng kailangan ko bilang babae, na nakalimutan kong kunin kanina. Nakapila na kaming dalawa ni Kendrick sa cashier area, maraming tao kaya medyo mataas ang pila at ngayon nga, naabutan ko si Kendrick na kausap ang dalawang babae na nakasunod sa pila namin. It irritates me to think that these women are clearly flirting with my husband, yet Kendrick doesn't seem to be doing anything about it. He even appears to be enjoying the attention he's getting from them.

"Kendrick!" nakangiting sambit ko, kahit pa naiirita talaga ako. Napatingin naman si Kendrick sa akin pati na ang babaeng kausap nya, kasing edad lang siguro sa akin ang mga babaeng ito. Paglapit ko sa asawa ko, tumingkayad ako para dampian ng sandaling halik sa labi ang asawa ko. Nakangiti akong nakaharap sa dalawang babae na kausap ni Kendrick, nabura ang malapad na ngiti ng mga ito. "Kendrick, hubby, hindi mo lang ba ako ipakilala sa mga kaibigan mo." nakangiti kong sabi.

"Ah---- " si Kendrick na parang nabigla sa naging reaksyon ko. "This is wife!"

"You have a wife?" ani ng isa, hindi nakatakas sa akin ang sandaling paghagod ng tingin nito sa akin, at ang pagtaas ng kilay nito. Even though she didn't voice it, I sense her questioning how I ended up as Kendrick's wife. Perhaps she doesn't see Kendrick and me as good match. Ang kapal ng mukha ng halimparot na ito, balat lang naman nya ang lamang sa akin. Maputi kasi sya na parang naligo sa gluta habang morena naman ako.

"Yes, he's married and I'm the wife. You seem disappointed." taas kilay kong sabi at hinagod ko din ito ng tingin.

Hindi na ito nagsasalita pero alam kong nainis ito. Tinalikuran ko na din ito dahil kaming dalawa na ni Kendrick ang magbabayad sa cashier. Si Kendrick ang kumukuha ng mga pinamili namin na nasa cart, habang alerto naman ako sa pagbabantay sa asawa ko. Nagkalat ang mga halimparot at aminado akong lapitin ng mga ito ang asawa ko, at ang masakit na katotohanan, ini- entertain ni Kendrick ang mga babaeng ganito.

Mayamaya lang, pakiramdam ko masyado naman yatang inilapit nitong isang babae na kausap ni Kendrick ang sarili nito sa nakatalikod kong asawa, kaya mabilis kong iniharang ang sarili ko dito. At hindi ko ako nakuntento, mula sa likuran, niyakap ko si Kendrick sa baywang at inilapat ko ang pisngi ko sa likod nya. Walang akong pakialam kung nagmumukha akong desperada sa ginawa ko pero babantayan ko ang akin.

"What was that kanina?" tanong ni Kendrick sa akin, papunta na kami sa park area, tulak nya ang cart kung saan nakalagay ang mga pinamili namin na nakasilid sa mga plastik bag.

"Bakit? Ayaw mo ba? Ayaw mo bang maging clingy ako sayo?"

Tumigil say sa paglalakad kaya napatigil narin ako.

"Are you jealous?" nakangiti nyang tanong.

"Yes. I am. I can't help but feel jealous, especially knowing how easily you can be attracted to other women." hindi mo mapigilan sambit.

Napaawang ang labi nya. Mayamaya lang, narinig ko ang pagbuntong- hininga nya.

"Zamera, wala ka bang tiwala sa akin? I'm true to my promise to you that I won't hurt you again, that I won't betray our marriage again. Don't you trust me that I can do this?"

"May tiwala ako sayo, Kendrick, kaya lang---"

"Kaya lang?"kunot- noo nyang tanong.

"Sa mga babaeng lumalapit sayo ako walang tiwala." pagsisinunggaling ko. Hindi talaga buo ang tiwala ko sa kanya.

"Zamera, please trust me again. I won't do that again. I promise." aniya, saka nya itinulak muli ang cart. Hindi na ako nagsasalita at nakasunod lang ako sa kanya. I wanted to give him my full trust, but I really can't help myself to think negative everyhting I saw him talking to a woman.

Do I already have a problem if I constantly doubting my husband? When he comes home, I always check his things in case I find some evidence that he's with another woman again. I also frequently check his phone, just in case. Whenever Kendrick talks to another woman, I approach and make sure to introduce myself as his wife. And when he looks at or talks to other women, I quickly become angry and convey my doubts to him once more.

"Sweety, how many times do I have to tell you na wala nga akong babae. The reason I've been coming home late recently isn't because I betrayed you again. I've been preoccupied with something—I need to fulfill a requirement, and our exams are approaching, so I need to finish those promptly." pagtatanggol ni Kendrick sa sarili nya.

I confronted him. I've reached my limit. I can't suppress my doubts any longer. He's been arriving home late every day for almost a week, and I frequently catch him engrossed in phone conversations. He dedicates a significant amount of time to his phone. I can't shake off the thought that maybe he's involved with another woman again and betraying me once more. It's truly challenging to find peace of mind when he's committed this offense before.

"At paano mo ipapaliwanag itong laging kausap mo sa cellphone mo na isang babae?" galit na tanong ko sa kanya, habang hawak ko ang cellphone nya, at ipinakita ko sa kanya ang madalas nyang kausap sa mga nakalipas na araw.

"God. Hindi ko sya babae, Zamera. She's actually my classmate, and we're working together as partners on a project that needs to be completed. I have to communicate with her often to ensure that our tasks align. I haven't cheated on you with her; our interaction is strictly related to our project."

"And how am I supposed to believe you, Kendrick? You don't want me to call her to talk and let her know that you're already married. Are you afraid of something?"

"Dahil nakakahiya sa kanya. Pribado syang tao at ayaw nyang dinidistorbo sya pag hindi related sa project namin. Tapos na ang project namin kaya walang rason na tawagan ko pa sya."

"Anong klasing rason yan, Kendrick? Ang sabihin mo may tinatago ka na naman sa akin. Babae mo ba ito? Umamin ka na." napataas na ang boses ko.

Hindi naman ako ganito. Pero hindi ko talaga mapigilan ang sarili ko na mag- react ng ganito. Hindi ako mananahimik nalang kung saka- sakaling pinagtaksilan nga nya ako muli. Kailangan kong putulin agad ang relasyon nya sa ibang babae. Paano kung mainlove sya bigla sa iba? Nababalot talaga ang puso ko ng insecurities, takot na baka tuluyan na nya akong ipagpalit sa iba.

"God!" napaupo sya, nasapo nya sandali ang mukha, halatang frustrated sya. Frustrated siguro sya dahil nahuli ko sya. "Zamera, please, believe me. I don't have any other woman. I'm trying to avoid hurting you. I don't want us to fight again. I don't want to hurt you again. Please believe me."

"Kendrick, I can't just brush aside my suspicions. Your past history of cheating weighs heavily on my mind. I want to believe you, but it's becoming increasingly difficult. The saying 'once a cheater, always a cheater' keeps echoing in my head, and I can't shake off the fear that history might repeat itself. I need honesty from you, now more than ever. So, tell me, are you cheating with me again with this woman?"

Isang mabigat na buntong- hininga ang ginawa nya. Tumayo sya at inagaw nya mula sa akin ang cellphone nya. Nakita ko na tinawagan nya ang babae at ni- loudspeak nya ito.

"Kendrick, do you need something? Is there a problem with our project?" ani ng nasa kabilang linya.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Miriam. Wrong dial lang." aniya.

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye. Thank you."

Napatingin sya sa akin. Napalunok ako. Napagtanto ko ang pagkakamali ko.

"Are you happy now?" tanong nya, at hindi na maitago ang galit nya. Kitang- kita ko sa mga mata nya na masama ng loob nya sa akin.

"K- Kendrick---" tanging nasambit ko.

"Zamera, I'm telling you the truth here. I've been genuine about not cheating again. Kaya napakasakit isipin na kahit anong gawin ko, hindi ko magawang linisin ang sarili ko sayo. I've changed, and I'm not the person I used to be. It's infuriating that you won't give me the benefit of the doubt. I've laid it all out there, and you still question me? After all this time? I'm not asking for your trust blindly, but I am asking for some faith in me. This constant doubt is eating me up inside." aniya at napaawang ang labi ko, gusto kong magsalita pero hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko. "I need a fresh air!" humakbang sya para lumabas at wala akong nagawa kundi ang sundan lamang sya ng tingin.

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Samantala...

Hindi mapigilan ni Kendrick ang pumunta sa isang bar para maglasing. He was so stressed the past days dahil sa maraming demand ng kursong kinuha nya. All he needs is support from Zamera and for her to understand that he's busy with his studies, but instead of that, all she's been doing in the past few days is doubting him. He understands that moving on completely from the big mistake he made isn't easy, but it's frustrating to think that despite Zamera constant telling him that she trusts him, she makes him feel otherwise. It's already difficult for him to rebuild himself from the huge mistake he deeply regrets, but she's making the situation even more challenging. Kaya hindi nya napigilan ituon sa alak ang frustration na naramdaman nya ngayon.

"Hello! Alone?" napatingin sya sa babaeng lumapit sa kanya. Kunot- noo sya dahil pamilyar sa kanya ang mukha nito.

"Remember me? Tanya. I was introduced by your mother."

Inalala nya.

"Oh, I'm sorry!"

"It's okay. I wasn't offended." nakangiting sabi nito and she's beautiful. She has a seductive eye. "Anyway. Are you alone? Can I join with you? I am alone too."

"Sure." nakangiting sabi nya dito. What he's doing now is not cheating, he was just being friendly.