A Beta's Determination

Apology Rejected

Colleen

The next few weeks felt as if time was slowly passing by, and I was stuck in the time zone. I was still not speaking to Sam. Hope and Cass agreed to help me out by taking Serenity to see Sam through the week and every other weekend for now. It was difficult not running into him, but every time I could smell his scent getting close, I would turn around and go the other way or go outside and act like I was on the phone or busy doing something.

I needed to develop a plan for visitation, but I just wasn't up to it. I sat up in bed, sitting there for what seemed like forever, remembering all the good and bad events that happened Thanksgiving day. We had a fabulous Thanksgiving dinner, Sam broke my heart, and we all went Black Friday shopping. I got tons of gifts for all the guys, ladies, and all of the kids.

I took a deep breath, realizing this was reality, and I had to talk to Sam at some point. After all, we did have a child together, but I just couldn't get the words out of my head he said to me; "I may have another child out there in the world that doesn't know me, and I have to find out for sure."

Don't get me wrong, I love Sam, but my heart was crushed, and I couldn't forgive him right now, let alone speak to or see him.

I pulled myself out of our king-sized bed, trudged over to the bathroom, stripping out of my clothes in the process. Using all the energy I had in me, I turned on the shower, and took the hottest shower my body could stand, letting the water run over my face and cried until I couldn't anymore.

I smelled breakfast being cooked downstairs. It was only 8:30, and the guys would be coming in soon from training. I needed to eat before they got back.

"Good morning, Beta," our head kitchen Omega smiled, handing me a plate full of eggs, bacon, toast, hashbrowns, ham, and a glass of orange juice. My mouth was watering, and my taste buds were screaming for the incredible flavors to attack.

The kitchen staff never ceased to surprise me at the tasty treats, meals, and whatever else they could create. It was like heaven.

I ate my breakfast as fast as I could, hoping to get finished before the guys were finished, and came storming into the kitchen to do their usual routine of scarfing their mouths with breakfast. Today was the start of the weekend, which meant we didn't have a lot of business to attend to at the packhouse and spent time with our families. I did have some last-minute work schedules to take care of for the Omegas in the packhouse and get their paychecks and holiday bonuses taken care of.

When I got to my office, I sat down to get the roster and checks made out to the appropriate person when I heard a slight knock on my door. The door opened, "Colleen, you got a minute?" It was Christian, poking his head in the doorway.

"Sure, come on in. I was just getting caught up on payroll and holiday bonuses. What can I help you with?"

"I just wanted to talk if you got a minute."

"If this is about how I am treating Sam, I don't want to hear it. I feel bad enough for how I acted in front of Elijah, but you just don't understand."

"That's just it, I do understand. I know exactly how you feel when it comes to someone breaking your trust and crushing your heart. I felt the same way when Cat left me. In a way, I understand precisely where you're coming from. Still, my love for Cat has and always will overrule any hard feelings or grudges I could ever hold against her, making me realize that she may have messed up and hurt me severely, but she has made all the opportunities to make it right by me since then."

"Sam and I have been together since I was eighteen. I found him two months after I turned eighteen, and for many years it was just the two of us, and we did everything together. We hardly ever got in any arguments or fought about anything, really. Christian, I don't know how to be okay with the fact he could have possibly fathered another child, and honestly, I don't want it to be true. Is that so selfish of me to want that?"

"Colleen, it is not selfish at all. Every marriage is not sunshine and rainbows, and if you think it is, you're in for a rude awakening. You know how much Sam loves you and Serenity. Would you honestly want him to be that kind of father to raise one child and not the other? That would be selfish of you. You love him because of the type of man he is. That is what you fell in love with, along with the mate bond. It's not all about the mate bond, and you know that. Sam is just as upset as you are for hurting you, hurting his family, and most of all, he is more upset at himself for what kind of behavior he showed when he was younger."

"I just feel like my heart has been shattered in two. I guess due to the fact he is an honest, loving, kindhearted man, and I thought he would never do something like this is what hurts me the most. His ignorance in his choices at the time."

"Coll, we have all done stupid things or things we are not very proud of growing up, but you can not hold that against him. Yes, he has possibly made a life-changing choice that he will either endure and take full responsibility for or be dismissed from all of it. Please, Coll, he needs you beside him, behind him 100% and not against him. He is your mate, husband, the one you said you would stand by through the good times and the bad, and well, right now, this is a bad time for him and you."

"How did you forgive Cat for doing what she did to you? How did you go on about your day to day life thinking of how hurt you were when she up and left, leaving you a note about it, at that?"

"Honestly, it was not easy at all. I did a lot of thinking, and she had a lot of work to do regaining my trust in her and us. We still had disputes about things. At the end of the day, I knew she was the one I wanted to lay down with at night and be the first to see when I woke up. We communicated more and began to be very open with one another about everything, whether it was as simple as a tone I spoke to her in or the way she would not really listen to what I was saying when she said she was."

"I really want to forgive him, I really do, but right now, my heart is hurting, and the more I think about it, the more it irks me to even picture him with another woman and bearing his child. Thank you for talking with me, Christian, but I can't forgive him just yet. I love him, but I can't be okay with all of this. Now, if you don't mind, I need to get these checks finished and out before lunch."

"I understand. Remember Colleen, if you ever need someone to talk to that has been where you are, you can call me. In fact, ask any of us for advice. We have all been there a time or two. Maybe not as severe as something like this, but we can still help if we're able to. Before you ask, Sam doesn't know I came to talk to you. The only one that knows is Cat because she wanted to know where I was going."

"Thank you again, Christian. Maybe one day I will be able to forgive him, then we can pick up the pieces of our relationship and move forward. Until then, I will continue to do what I have to do for myself and our daughter."

"We all love you, Colleen, just like we all love Sam too. Don't let this tear you two apart. If you need time, take all the time and space you need. We will all be here for the both of you, and we will all get through this together. We're a family. We stand behind one another through everything."

"Thank you, Christian. I love you all too."

Christian got up, gave me a big hug, then left my office, leaving me with thirty minutes to get the rest of the payroll finished. It made me feel better to know that someone at least saw how I was feeling about the whole situation and talked to me about it. Elijah probably told everyone to keep hush-hush about it until we officially had a sit-down conversation about it.

I got the last paycheck sent out and decided to head down to the living room to watch a movie and relax. Constance and Charles still had Serenity and wanted to keep her another night. How was I going to explain to them why Sam and I weren't together? They would want to know why we are so distant from one another, but I felt it was not my place to say anything. I needed to focus on my feelings and sanity while caring for Serenity when she wasn't with Sam.

I came up with a schedule for Serenity to spend time with Sam on certain days, and I would have her on the others. That way, each of us would have enough quality time with her, and neither of us would feel shortened.

"Hey girl, what you doing? Julia plopped down on the couch, propping her feet up on the ottoman at the end.

"I just finished writing down a schedule for Sam to get Serenity on certain days, and I would have her on the others. That way, each of us would get enough quality time with her."

"Oh, okay. You two live on the same floor, in the same house. How are you both going to try to do this visitation thing when you see each other every day?"

"I decided I would stay in the guest bedroom down at the other end of the hall on our floor. I have already moved most of my things down there, and it has a queen-size bed, which is big enough for Serenity and me."

"You are really going to go through with this, aren't you? I mean, it's really none of my business, but I want you to know that I love you very much, Colleen, and I hate that you are hurting so bad. I would honestly feel the same way if Elijah was in the same predicament. If you need me for anything at all, don't hesitate to ask. I told Sam the same thing too. Believe it or not, he is beside himself. He can't eat, can't sleep, he cries at night, because trust me, Elijah and I can hear him. Iur bedroom is right above you two's, and it drives me crazy, especially when he wakes up Olivia during the night."

"Thanks, Jules."

"Colleen, I was actually coming to find you to let you know Elijah wants to see you, Sam, Cat, and Christian in his office as soon as you can. Before you ask, yes, it is about the 'whole ordeal' about Sam."

"So, is that what we're calling it now," I couldn't help but laugh at how Julia did the whole quote thing with her fingers.

"I will be there in just a few."

Julia got up, made her way upstairs, leaving me alone to gather my thoughts about coming face to face with Sam.

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"You wanted to see me," speaking to Elijah as I closed the door to his office. Cat, Christian, and Julia were already in there. Cat and Christian were sitting comfortably on the loveseat to the left of the room, and Julia had a spot on Elijah's lap.

"Yes. Please, take a seat."

I made my way over to the single-seated chair between the loveseat and couch.

"Where the hell is Sam? I linked him twenty minutes ago and told him about the meeting."

"He should be getting here. I passed him coming from the training grounds. Here lately, he's been spending a lot of extra time out there, training like he's going into a battle to save his life," Christian spoke up, shrugging his shoulders.

"He's got five more minutes, or he is going to really think he's training to save his life," Elijah spoke up in his Alpha tone.

Not even two minutes later, Sam came barging in like he owned the place. He took one glance at me with glossiness in his eyes, and I could tell he had been crying. I could feel myself tensing up, remembering the paper I needed to give him, which in return meant I had to be an adult and talk to him.

"Okay, now that Sam decides to grace us with his presence, I would like to get this meeting started and over with soon as possible. I have some unfinished business to tend to with my wife," Elijah smirked, winking at Julia, her giving him a big smile back.

Gross. I did not need to know about their s****l relationship.

"Yes, Alpha," we all said in unison.

"As you all know, there have been allegations reported regarding one of our ranked members, Sam, having fathered a child from another pack. This pack is in Miami, Florida, wants to meet after the holidays to sit down with us, and our brother pack from Cuba, the Cayo Coco pack, to determine the said child's paternity."

"How do we know it's Sam they are accusing? Yes, he is a ranked pack member, but we have other ranking ones as well. Why is the Cayo Coco involved too?" Christian threw his two cents in.

"Well, according to the timeline and the email I received this morning, the child is six years old. You were a virgin when you found Cat, as was I when I found Julia. Also, the Cayo Coco pack was the pack that has information on the allegation, as far as who said it and why."

I sat there, listening to the ignorant things my mate did as a teenager. I could feel my anger rising, my face turning red, the more Elijah talked about the child and paternity tests and stepping up to take care of his responsibilities.

"I need some air," I interrupted, getting up quickly to run out the door before I burst into tears. I made it just outside the door when the waterworks let loose as I slid to the floor, clutching my chest. It felt as if my heart was breaking all over again. I couldn't stand to hear this s**t. The more they said, the more I wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

I heard the office door open and could see Julia's feet to the side of me. She stood there for a second, not moving, not saying a word. Instead, she slid down the wall beside me and just held me, letting me cry into her shoulder.

"It's okay, Colleen. Let it out, honey, let it out."

I cried a little longer, then wiped my face, not caring if I smeared my makeup or not. We stood. I gathered my composure and walked back into the office. Elijah looked at me the entire time I walked to sit down so he could resume the meeting. Cat and Christian looked at me with sad, longing eyes, and Sam hung his head, wiping his tear-stained face now and again.

"Now, where were we? I have spoken with the Elder of Florida concerning the Blue Waters pack, and we have both agreed that if Sam is the biological father to this child, he will step up and take full responsibility for this child. If he refuses to take responsibility, he will be stripped of his title and banished from this pack. As a ranked member, it is against the law to abandon a child that you know, for a fact is your biological child. If I am not mistaken, the child's mother is the Alpha's only daughter's child, which in return, makes the child a future Alpha of her pack, or a Luna to another if she finds her mate elsewhere, once she turns of age. I was informed the mother has not accepted her title yet, which leaving her father still in charge, and he and Elder Joseph, along with I, all agree on the terms and stipulations on 'if' Sam is the father and what he will do."

"I can't leave my pack, Elijah. This is my home. My family, my wife, and my child are here."

"No one said you are leaving. I told the Alpha and the Elder if you are indeed the child's father that you will petition for rights to the child, getting the child in the summer months and every other holiday and birthday leaving the mother with the child during the school years and the other holidays until she is eighteen, gains her wolf and becomes the Alpha to her pack or joined with another. Seeing how the mother has not accepted her title, she has no say on the petition, so it would take place as a normal child custody hearing."

"Have the other packs decided on a date to have the conference yet?" Christian sat up, listening intently.

"They have not. The Alpha's of both packs, along with Elder Joseph and Elder Victor, will get back to me in the next week or so. I told them to don't make it too late. I will have my emails on silent and my phone calls sent to voicemail starting on December 20th due to Christmas."

We all sat listening to Elijah finish up about what will be happening as soon as the holidays were over and that we would be hosting both packs to our territory, and they will be treated with the utmost respect. I couldn't help feel my anxiety rising and my face and ears getting red with anger. How does he expect me to be okay with the woman that could have possibly mothered my husband and mate's child?

I was the Beta Female, so I had to swallow any ill feelings towards her and the child. Honestly, as bad as I wanted to be mad at the child, I couldn't. After all, it wasn't his or her fault they were brought into this world. I needed the holidays to hurry and end as bad as that sounded. I needed answers.

"If anyone has anything to say about any information I have given you all, speak now or forever hold your peace." Elijah looked around in the office at each of us.

"No? Well, the meeting is adjourned for now." Elijah let Julia up and stood following her out of his office. Cat and Christian were next, then Sam went to stand, "Sam, can I speak to you for a moment?"

Sam's eyes lit up, and he had a big smile spread across his face, "Yeah, Colleen. What you want to talk to me about?" He took my hand as I slowly slipped the visitation schedule in his.

"Here is the visitation schedule I came up with for Serenity. They are an equal amount of days. That way we would have an equal amount of time with her and wouldn't feel like either one is getting cheated out of time with her."

Sam hung his head as he let out a sigh, "Is that all you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Yes, Sam, it is. I am sorry, but I have nothing else to say to you at this moment."

"Colleen, will you ever be able to forgive me? I am genuinely sorry for all of this, and I pray to the Moon Goddess above that I am not that child's father. I mean, he or she deserves to have a father, but it can not be me. I have caused enough turmoil in my life this past month. I can not keep getting hit with it left and right. Please, Colleen, please accept my apology."

Sam looked at me with tears in his eyes as he held onto my every word and hoping I would accept his apology. I wasn't ready to forgive him. I couldn't be able to try to put ourselves back together while still holding onto anger, sadness, betrayal, all that I was feeling the past three weeks.

"I am sorry, Sam, but apology rejected."

I turned to leave, watching Sam out of the corner of my eye as he sat down on the floor, sobbing and calling my name as I walked out the door.