beyOnd

Chapter Eighteen: Jung Wook-jin

When I arrived home, I immediately went on my phone to check my messages. I was planning to confess to Yongsoo soon. I’m not sure when…but all I know it’s soon. Messages after messages kept popping up in me, Taeyoub , Rie, and Junhyung’s group chat after I sent them the message that I would be confessing soon.

I go to the chat and check the messages.

Junhyung: b***h what-

Rie: NO WAY WHEN ARE U GONNA DO IT??

Taeyoub : honestly I saw it happening at some point.

Rie: Wait guys this is important

Should we get into a call?

Taeyoub : I mean, yes. That would be appropriate for this…”unexpected” situation.

Junhyung: Guys let’s just spam Wook-jin to get his ass here right now.

Rie: Oi, Wook-jin

Come here right now

Taeyoub : Get ur ass up in here

Me: Fine, fine I’m here.

Wth d’you guys want from me

Junhyung: an explanation

Me: For what?

Taeyoub : WAIT GUYS I STILL NEED TO MAKE THE CALL-

Rie: Oh yeah, I just forgot about that.

Taeyoub to “our lot.”

Calling…

YJ: Hi bitches.

R: Hi.

JJ: Hey.

WJ: So, what’d you guys wanted to ask me?

JJ: You need to EXPLAIN.

WJ: What—

YJ: SINCE WHEN IN THE LOVE OF GOD DID YOU WANT TO HOOK UP WITH YUNGSOO.

WJ: I never said I wanted to “hook up with him.”

YJ: WELL IN MY EYES IT SEEMS LIKE YOU DO.

R: Okay, wait. Hyung, calm down—

YJ: How could I ever calm down in a situation like this??

JJ: Rie, you know what he’s like. He just cannot seem to believe something unless he has proof.

YJ: Yeah, that might be true, but that’s not the point of this call! I called you lot because I wanted to question Wook-jin.

WJ: But for what??

YJ: For liking someone without telling me. *Audible sniffles (obviously fake ones)*

WJ: *soft laughs* You’re such a dumbass.

YJ: Shut up. It’s hurtful if you say that…

WJ: Fine. I’m sorry.

R: Wait, guys, should I hook up Wook-jin and Yongsootogether tomorrow?

JJ: b***h, that’s perfect.

R: Okay, so tomorrow’s Wednesday, which means that you, Wook-jin, has to meet us in front of the school gates after school—

WJ: Hold on, guys, I already made plans for Wednesday…

JJ: Ohhh~ With whom?

R: I’m pretty sure it’s Yungsoo. Right?

WJ: Yeah…

JJ: Ohh~ Guys, look at this~ Wook-jin’s got plans with his man~

WJ: No, it’s just that it’s his birthday tomorrow…so he just said he would be coming over to my place and stuff like that…

R: HE’S COMING OVER??

JJ: Wait, guys, this is perfect! Wook-jin, you could confess to him tomorrow!

WJ: Yeah…but what if it ruins our friendship? And what makes things even worse is that it’s on his birthday, so it would just make his birthday one of the worst as well, and—.

R: So then when d’you wanna do it? The day after?

WJ: Yeah…I guess so.

JJ: Then it’s settled. You’re gonna confess to him on Thursday.

WJ: Yeah…

R: Wait, guys, d’you know where Taeyoub went?

YJ: I’m right here. My mic got disconnected and I didn’t know how to fix it.

JJ: How do you not know how to reconnect your mic? You using any headphones or something.

YJ: Yeah, but I basically just had to disconnect them, and then reconnect them, then somehow it worked.

R: That sounds like something a 30 year old would say.

YJ: You little b***h.

R: No offense ~

WJ: Okay guys, I gotta go now. I’ll talk to you lot tomorrow. Wish me luck!

JJ: Good luck my brother. And tell Yongsoowe wished him a happy birthday.

WJ: I will. Bye guys.

R: Bye~

YJ: Au revoir

JJ: Bye!

I switch my phone off and throw myself onto my bed, holding the phone close to my chest. Tomorrow’s really Yungsoo’s birthday. He’s gonna be my age: 17. Time really passes rather quickly.

I lay flat on my back, staring up at the galaxy pattern my mood lamp had casted upon the ceiling. Shades of purple, pink, black, blue, and white had swirled upon each other like marbles, with specks of white gleaming brightly like stars.

What would Yongsoo think of me if I were to confess…? I thought. The thought ran through my mind over and over like the repeating sound of an alarm, yet I couldn’t seem to even comprehend an answer. Honestly, it’s not all that normal for a guy to confess to a guy. I never even imagined that I would fall for one.

I mean, there were some times when I’ve questioned myself, but it always led me back to the same answer. Straight. But now I don’t even know what to think about that idea. What if I’m not actually straight? I could be bi, and that’s completely understandable.

But sometimes, I don’t even know what I see myself as. I really like Yungsoo…I don’t think I’ll never not like him. But there’s just a part of me that thinks all this is wrong. Everything I see in Yungsoo. That part makes me think that I shouldn’t be with him, simply because a guy with a guy seems wrong.

Yet another part of me loves him to my life. He loves him, and wants to be with him until death. What do I even want to believe though? I close my eyes and drift off into a light sleep.

Tomorrow will be better, I thought.