beyOnd

Chapter Nineteen: Lee Yongsoo

Wednesday, 1st February, 2023: 3:15 p.m. (After School)

I strode out the gate, a strap of my bag hung over a shoulder. It was already Wednesday. It was my birthday today. I don’t expect much from every February 1st. It’s probably been years since I last had a proper birthday. Ever since Mother passed away…everything just turned into a hell-hole. From then on, I felt as though I couldn’t do it anymore.

I step out the school gates where Wook-jin had been waiting for me as he leaned against a bricked wall, a bag held in his hands with golden lining. His gaze then draws themselves to mine, and a gleeful smile curved onto his lips. “Yongsoo!” he said, running up to me in a slow pace, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!” He tugged my arm gently and pulled me into a tight hug, twirling me in the air.

“Thank you,” I mutter mid-hug.

“I got you something,” he said, handing my the bag with golden lining.

“Oh, you didn’t have to…”

“Well I did, and you can’t deny that.”

“Well, thank you…”

“Shall we go now?” he asked, locking our arms together.

“Yeah,” I say, giving him a small smile.

Wook-jin had stood right behind me as we entered his apartment, placing his hands just right above my eyes so that I couldn’t see anything. He probably planned something extravagant like he always would. Every step I took was cautious and small, in case I tripped myself somehow.

“Why are you even covering my eyes?” I asked.

“Because I’ve got a surprise for you!” he said, still leading me into the living room. He sat me right in front of a coffee table, yet not removing his hands from my view.

“Could I see now?” I asked. Slowly, he drew his hands apart and laid them on either of my shoulders. There that lay before me was a cake, a Polaroid camera, and a match.

Unlit candles stand like soldiers upon the icing of the cake, their wick seeming as though withered. “Happy Birthday Yongsoo<3,” had been written on the top with blue icing in a posh handwriting.

I couldn’t help but smile with the sight. I didn’t expect him to go this far. I know that it might not seem like much, but to me, – who is someone that hasn’t celebrated their birthday in years – I was almost in tears by that point.

Wook-jin then seats himself right next to me and picks up the Polaroid, closely observing it. His gaze then shifts to mine. “Shall we take a picture together? You know, just so that we can remember this…” he suggested.

I pick up the matches. “I’ll just light the candles first.” I manage to start a flame and light the candles one by one. The fire trickled as it slowly grew higher into the air, beaming a beautifully bright orange that faded into yellow as it lingered to the top.

Wook-jin throws an arm around my shoulders and angles the Polaroid so it would be showing the two of us in the shot. “Smile…” he muttered, striking his signature pose – a simple peace sign that edged close to his lips – .

I smile, just as I was said to do. He pressed the shutter. “Click!” The photo started generating from the slot, slowly sliding out as a black picture. Wook-jin took the photo from it’s slot and shook it in the air to help the picture to develop. After about a minute, the photo had completely developed.

I take a long look upon the picture. I wish I could treasure this for life. This exact photograph. I never want to loose it in my life. “Here,” he said, handing the picture to me, “You can keep it.”

“Really?” I asked.

“Of course! Now, shall I sing you a beautiful song of Happy Birthday to you, in your honor?” he suggests.

I laugh. “Of course, of course.”

He cleared his throat roughly in an over-exaggerated manner. “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Yungsooo, happy birthday day to youuuu,” he sang in an dramatic tone. He gave me a small applause, smile full of glee.

“Make a wish!” he said. My gaze then shifts to the lit candles, slowly starting to melt with every minute that passed. I take a deep breath. I wish that one day…I hesitate for a while, life’s gonna get better. Not just for me, but for everyone. “I’m ready,” I mutter.

Together, we blow out the candles, our faces almost inches apart. Slowly, his gaze was drawn to mine, those coal grey eyes gazing straight into mine. A sweet smile curves onto his mouth, those same eyes slowly shifting down to my lips.

“Yungsoo…” he mutters.

“Hm?” Slowly, he leaned in just barely, and our lips were just about to touch. But he stopped right in his tracks. He pulled away just slightly and looks me right in the eyes.

“Don’t you have to go home soon?” he asked.

“Y-yeah…” I muttered.

“Wait here,” he said, taking the cake over to the kitchen with him. I was sat there, alone like I always would be. Thoughts had been rushing through my mind, yet I couldn’t seem to make any expression. Was he about to kiss me? I thought.

I didn’t know what to do at that point, and I just wanted to curl up into a ball. Why’d he do that? It made me think we were actually gonna do it. Wook-jin then walks back up to me, with just a container in hand.

“Here. I packed the cake up for you,” he said.

“Thanks,” I said, smiling happily, despite the fact that I had been in panic on the inside.

“Are you gonna go back home by yourself today?” he asked me.

“Yeah. It’s only a few blocks away anyways. I’ll be there in no time. But still, thanks for giving me this…incredibly sad celebration of two people. I really enjoyed it, despite the fact it had only been a few 10 minutes.”

“Goodbye hugs?” he asked, throwing his arms out in indication for a hug.

“Yeah,” I say. I loop my arms around his body, gently patting his back. He hugs me tightly, almost like he never wanted to let go. I didn’t want to let go either. So he’s not alone.

Slowly, I pulled away and wave him goodbye, feeling as though we would never see each other again. I don’t know why I did, but the thought had just suddenly popped into my head without me even noticing.

“Bye,” Wook-jin said in one of the most saddest tones I’ve ever heard him speak in. “I wish you could stay longer…”

“Trust me,” I tell him, “one day, I’m sure I’ll be able to stay with you all you want. Anyways, bye.”

When I arrived back home, Father hadn’t seemed to be out in the living room. He’s probably in his room, I thought to myself. With every step I took into my room, they sounded loud and heavy, almost like there had been no such thing as quiet. I would suppose that it was because the entirety of this house had been filled with silence.

I went into my room and locked the door, setting down my bag and Wook-jin’s gift onto the ground next to it. I then take a quick shower and change into something more comfortable.

That uniform had almost been a hell to me.

As I stepped out of the bathroom, the steam seeped into my room as a thin, hot smoke from the water. As I’d been drying my hair, a towel in hand, my eyes draw themselves towards the gift I got from Wook-jin this afternoon. Should I open it? I thought.

I hang up the towel on its rack and pick up the gift, setting it down on the table right next to my bed. I carefully remove the staples on the edges, just to see that there had been a card on the inside. I decided to read that first:

Dear Yungsoo,

I hope you liked the gift I got you today! I honestly cannot believe you’re already 17 (we’re the same age now…but not for long…). It felt like just yesterday you were 15…mainly because when I first saw you, I thought you looked much like a 15 year old (sorry for that…). Still, if we ignore that fact, I’d just like to state how much I f*****g love you.

You, as one of my best friends, were one of the best things that has ever happened to me in my life, and I could never be happier to meet you. When we first met, you used to be so timidly and quiet, and I honestly though that you didn’t like me all that much.

But when we got closer, you made me think otherwise. And I’m really glad you did. I never wanted to think that someone in the school despised me. I don’t mind it, of course, but I just cannot imagine you hating me.

So I’d just like to say thank you so much for existing for Lord’s sake, and I wish you a happy, happy birthday!!

Your dearest, Wook-jin <3

With every word I read through, it felt as though my heart skipped a beat. I wish there could just be a time when I finally muster up the courage to confess to him. To confess what I really felt for him. I wish that one day we’ll end up together, even though it might just be unlikely to ever happen.

I looked through the bag once more. There had been a small photo frame inside, with a picture of us two inside. When did we even take this? I thought. The sight perked a smile on my lips. I couldn’t help it. With such a sweet gift given to me, it would be much too obvious that I wouldn’t smile.

That was all I could even think of doing anyway.

Could we ever be together at some point? My crave for him is incomprehensible, and I don’t how I could ever explain it to someone. I wish I could just tell him how I feel. Yet it’s much easier said than done.