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Chapter Twenty: Jung Wook-jin

Thursday, 2nd February, 2023: 2:15 (Self-study)

It was already Thursday. Wednesday went by too fast, and now it’s already the day when I’ll confess to Yongsoo. I finally get to tell him after months of hiding my feelings.

I’m honestly not ready. What if he rejects me? What if he doesn’t feel the same? What if he likes someone else? I wish I didn’t have to think these things. I wish things could just go smoothly when I confess.

It was already 2:15 p.m., which meant it was Self-study time in our homeroom class. The seating plan had been changed, and I was moved to the very back of the class, around 3 seats away from Yongsoo. We didn’t have any other way in communicating instead of notes.

I ripped out a page from my notebook and wrote him a message: “은하운식에서 만나 (meet me at the ‘Eunha Unsik’)” read the note. I crumpled it into a ball and threw it over to Yongsoo, who was sat a few seats in front of me.

“Yongsoo!” I say as a head start and throw the note. He caught it with one hand and opened the note. He spent a couple of minutes reading through it, as though he was completely caught off guard. He then looks back at me. “Okay,” he mouthed.

I smile. This was my chance. All I have to hope for is that it all works out for us two.

It was after-school. I had been headed to the Eunha Unsik, having to take one of the worst routes to get there, as it was the quickest. I walked through an alleyway, lit up with the slowly dimming sunlight.

My bag’s shoulder strap had been clutched tightly with one hand as I stepped through all the rubble that’d spread on the ground in a scatter. I thought I had been alone that whole time.

I thought I wouldn’t be trouble either. Suddenly, I hear a quiet “snap!” of the stick right behind me. With cautious eyes, I look over my shoulder. It was Pil-do. How’d he know I was here? I thought.

“Hey, Wook-jin!” he shouted, even though I could most definitely hear him from the distance we were apart. I turn around, “What are you doing in our territory?” he asked.

“This is your territory?” I asked in disbelief.

“What, you want proof?” He clicked his fingers. Suddenly, his group came out from either side; from behind me, in front of me, to my left, and to my right. There were much more people than I remembered.

Slowly, Pil-do walked up to me with carful steps. He yanks me by the collar and stares right into my eyes with an agitated look. “See what happens if you try to mess with us like that again, and you’re done.”

“What the f**k do you even mean?” I breathed. His grip got stronger as he still stared straight into my eyes. He then lets go, just to throw a punch right to my face.

“What the hell was that for?” I asked, dazed and in pain.

“That was for having the f*****g audacity to mess with us last time,” he said as he grabbed my collar once more. Again, he threw a punch at me. “And that was for coming into our territory without our permission.”

Behind me, someone yanks me to the ground, yet I couldn’t do anything about it. There were to many for a single person to fight off themselves. The person holds me down with his knee pressed against my stomach, making it hard to breathe. “I would f*****g kill you if I could,” the person said.

He stroke my face again with his fist, and I was sure I’d started bleeding. I didn’t know where, but my body felt as though it was throbbing and every but of me hurt. “Guys, we gotta leave. Someone’s coming,” another person said.

The person holding me down immediately stood up and rushed off somewhere, which made me laugh slightly. How pathetic, I thought.

And there I lay, in an abandoned alleyway, all alone as blood had started dripping down my lips. I raise a hand up to my face and wipe off the blood with my sleeve. My breaths were heavy, and I could finally breathe properly. I felt as though I was about to die at that point.

I felt a lump rising in my throat. I think I was about to throw up at that point. No matter how much I swallowed, it didn’t seem to go back down. I coughed it out instead. And what came was a clot of blood, so red as it glistened in the sunlight. My energy was out and I couldn’t help but curse myself. “f**k,” I managed to breathe. The strength in me was gone, and I couldn’t seem to move anymore.

I gaze upon the sky for a while. Who would’ve imagined it being this beautiful? The sun seemed to have been setting, which is cool I guess. The sky above me was leaning towards Prussian blue rather than sky blue, and it faded into a pale ochre.

Could I possibly touch it? I thought. I reach out for the sky, yet grab nothing but the air. I wish I could feel what those colors felt like. I wish I could touch them instead on the hard, rough ground.

I wish I could lay over those soft clouds that loomed above me, watching how I slowly drift into unconsciousness. With every second that passed, my eyes slowly closed, a tear slowly trickling down my cheek. I’m sorry, Yungsoo, I thought, I’m sorry I couldn’t meet you. And there I drift off into something that felt like sleeping, yet it didn’t at the same time.

I just hope I’ll wake up.