Deep tenderness

I'll just keep repeating it

Like the smell of moisture when it rains, like the feeling after a tight hug, or like a feeling when someone touched your heart without any knowledge? Who would love me like that? My thoughts were here and there. And I hear a sweet voice from behind, "I will love you like that." said aria. I realized I was too loud with my thoughts and smiled at my pretty little flower. She prevailed through my everything, my sad days or dark days, even on the days I was relieved of tension. It felt so promising to even use up an eternity of time with her. She felt so so safe and varied. I always felt valued when I was with her. As time expired I had to get back home. I had to go to the psychiatrist today also. But I was certainly feeling so satisfactorily, I was relaxed.

I got back home and lay myself for a bit before I push away to therapy. As I start talking the therapist comments on how I have been changing, "ray, you have been so relaxed today, and I love it a lot." She smiles. Who knew it was because of Aria. She was a key reason I was happy and also relaxed at the same time. As we continued to talk, she asks me about my grandfather and family. I stuttered and couldn't talk. I missed my grandfather so much, even though my dad hated him the most. While I continued to go back home, memories flashed. From I was a newborn child until I turned twelve years, I stayed at his place. I was really happy in life, he always taught me a lot of human morals and a lot of techniques to maintain peace of mind as a child. My dad was always a drunkard and he often created a mess at my grandfather's place, but both of them hated each other around.

As I flashed back on the memories of my grandpa and me, I had tears in my eyes. I was pleased to even think about his existence. But I still remember that day when he was kept in an ambulance because of a heart stroke, he took my name, he loved and cherished everything about me. He was like a father to me, he was like a teacher, but when he passed away it was hard to accept. It was so hard to move on and understand that death was inevitable, someday we all have to face it, for sure. I smile at his pictures on my phone and think about all the positive and good moments we had together. But now, I understood due to the stammering that I missed him and that this was also one of my reasons to trigger. I walked back home and laid on my bed with a sigh, still thinking of him. He was the one who introduced me to a lot of things in life, a lot of new people including aria. Her family lived right across from his home. I remember him educating me about homosexuality and why was it very natural. He was also giving me a very active personality. I would never ever forget how much joy he had given to me as an individual. He existed as my outstanding soul, and my greatest role model to be honest.

Later I was sinking into a lot of thoughts, so I continued wandering around my garden. I looked at the plants and saw a butterfly. I remember what my grandpa told me, "raina, do you know why the butterflies are so significant?" I bobbed my head. "It's because whenever you miss someone who is no more alive, they arrive in the form of the butterfly to hope you a fortune day and give you comfort. In the form of a colorful butterfly". I was so surprised hearing that when I was a kid, but now I saw a butterfly. It was a late night, and normally we don't have a lot of them. For the first time, I felt like my grandpa was here. He was here to give me comfort and tenderness. He was the lasting comfort, he gave me deep tenderness in life. I grinned so wide thinking of my grandpa. The butterfly flew over my hand as if it was holding me. In the deep comfort of the love of this little creature, I giggled.

I see Aria getting into my room just like every day. I signal her to get to the garden today instead. She attends to watch me play with the butterfly and sit around in the grass. I was actually happy with myself, even though I felt like I despised my family because I recollect the memories with my grandfather, it now felt alright to be sad or even get the wrong idea from anyone. Aria sits near with me, today was really favorably comfortable and warm. As I continued to play along, aria says, "it just keeps on repeating, you look lovely all the time. It keeps repeating how I fall in love with you every second of my life." I glance at her in the eyes. She was smiling and genuinely delighted. We peck each other and we remain caressing each other and laughing over on the garden. Her eyes, lips, nose, smile everything about Aria was really so glamorous. And just like she also said, it just keeps repeating like a seesaw, I fall in desire of love with her every beat of my life and heart. Just like I wanted, she always treated me soft and tender. She felt like a warm hug, a feeling after a sudden good day. She always made sure I was okay, and I did the same, she made me feel so well-off. My world was black and white, she made it color just like the little butterfly did. Even when the world would not accept both of us, we were not going to fall apart because we gave each a feeling of deep tenderness.