Untold Thoughts

Happiness starts from within but why mine came from others? or I just used to think that's how it works. "Tss, you're at it again. Reading again and again" said my friend, Kiesha. We've got plans today, shopping it is but our teacher just suddenly announced that we'll be having our examination this week. "Kish, you know I need to study" I replied nonchalantly, I don't know how to say no in this kind of situation that's why I can't say it directly. "But you promised!" she said like a kid. Everyone keeps me pressured to do well, and that's one of my weaknesses because I want to reach the goal they tend to set for me. I grew in a very toxic household where you should please everyone, I used to think that doing all the things they want will help me to build relationships with them so I end up being a 'people pleaser'. "Alright alright, we'll do that after class" I said almost giving up, and there she come—the girl who can't say no. "Who said after class?" she said like she got something inside her head. "We'll cut class, you know try to explore new things" she said with a hint of playfulness and seriousness on her voice. "It's not a good thing, Kish." I said seriously to knock off some senses from her hoping that she could change her mind or I'll end up doing it. "Don't worry about it girl, I'm very expert at this. They won't caught us, beside it's not you and me only because my boyfriend and his friends will join us!" she said excitedly, I want to say no but I refuse to destroy her excitement and happiness. I kept that in my mind that people happiness should be my priority to maintain and strengthen the relationship. I don't want dissapoinment and I hate the word 'no'. Everything happen for a reason, that's what I carved in my mind. I just nooded in response despite the unknown feelings I have, I doubt my decision but I refuse to acknowledge it. My mind keep telling me that she's a bad influence but my heart keep meddling with it, telling me that as long as they're happy then I'm happy too. The bell rang means the lunch is already done, we head to our respective classroom. I am in a deep thinking about her plans, I want say no but my mouth just couldn't. As the time passed by I keep praying and praying for a miracle to happen, I hope she forgot about me and will go with her boyfriend. "Amara, your friend is waiting outside!" some of my classmate shout, I blink so hard hoping that I'm just imagining fake scenarios in my mind but for pete's sake Kiesha is standing on our door whispering something. I immediately grab my things and storm outside. "Be quick will you?! Someone report that there's a student planning to cut class and escape, are you the one who did that?!" she accused while squinting her eyes on me, I got hurt because I don't have plans on putting her in that kind of position. "I-I didn't Kish, what are you talking about?" I nervously defend myself, I admit that I plan to report her but I didn't do it because I care for her. "Say by the most behave student that she can even report her friend, you're very competitive don't you?" say by Matt, her boyfriend. I feel so attacked even though I didn't do wrong, I did everything so that she could feel happy and comfort with me and they'll ended up thinking like this. I am at the verge of crying and just like the usual, no one dare to stand for me, to save me and to be on my side. "I-I p-promise I did-" "Tss, stop saying nonsense and move quickly! They might caught us!" she hissed pushing me so I can fasten my pace. We head to the backyard because the wall aren't too high and can easily escape, they assist the girls first but it seems like they forgot about me and climb the wall by itself. "Chill kiddo, you'll be the last one since I kinda hate you don't worry though I'll still asisst you so you can climb" Matt said playfully, I want to cry. No one will stand on my ground and save my name here, its me alone. As he was about to help me climb, someone shout from near so he just withdrew my hands and jump to the other side leaving me there alone and in trouble. "Guess someone is escaping huh?" said by the voice, it's probably the officer. "Can't wait until the class is done?" another man spoke, it's Cael while the first one is Brandon—they're the student council of this University. I want to cry, how could I explain this? they put me in this kind of situation where no one could help me. My friends will probably be happy finding clothes, eating and bonds while me is having a talk with the dean and face my consequences. "Hold her tight" said by the other voice, it sound so cold that brings me chill. It's Silvestre, the president of student council. Brandon looks so playful yet serious while Cael have the look of nerd but still gorgeous and this man named Silvestre has the look of dominant and power. "Don't you like her Sil?" his friends said teasingly, I got nervous he only look at us with those piercing cold eyes. If he likes me then I might use my charms to escape right? Or Brandon is just bluffing nonsense. "You're holding on her so tight" he said hissing, I thought he said that they should hold me tight why he sounds annoyed by his own orders? I smile at that thoughts, maybe he really like me. "I'm okay" I said shyly and smile. "Bring her to the prefect of discipline" he said firmly like no one can change that order. "But I can explain, it's not like what you think" I said almost like a whisper, would they believe me? "Then what is it? Do you think that what you just almost did aren't escaping? We saw you climbing that wall" Cael said sound like questioning the situation too. "It's not like that, I promise" I said pleadingly, once my parents reach this news I'll be probably f****d up. "I'll give you 1 minute, start explaining now" he said coldy. "M-Me and my friends-" I can't even finish what I'm supposed to say because of his stare, I'm very lost at this moment. I just bowed finally giving up and ready to be sent to the prefect of discipline, silent grew around us. "I thought you'll be explaining your side? I gave you enough time and you're wasting it" he said and the sound of disappoinment is dripping on his voice, I want to cry. Here it comes, the disappoinment I tried to avoid but finally met. There's no escape from this chaos I'm in. I failed myself and the people around me, they're expecting from me yet I ended up being like this. "What about a warning Sil?" Brandon suggest, he sound worried at the same time. A sighed of relief came out from me, at least someone is worrying at me right? That's another achievement I have unlocked. "No" he said firmly, this man is getting on my nerves! A warning is indeed as this is my first time though. I shook my head, feeling the disappoinment and hearing the word 'no' is affecting my whole system I feel like I lost my voice to clear everything. I have a lot of thoughts in mind but I don't have the courage to let it out, I'm so weak at this moment. "Bring her to the office, now!" he said before leaving us there alone. At this moment I believe that I failed everyone, this is the reality I used to avoid and put myself on the different side where only the perfect one is allowed. Despite all of my good actions, people will point out my flaws and focus on my imperfections in life. My voice is gone, there's no one to save me but me alone.