Doug is dead, bub's is blue, Bukka isn't Breathing

the start (1) I was two the first time I remember having a deep connection with my brother. It was October 9th, 1993 and it was his first birthday. I remember he was wearing blue felt footie pajamas with mickey mouse on the front standing up on the pull-out couch in our living room holding onto our mother's hands. Our aunt jo was there and so was my sister and I remember sitting at the end of the bed absolutely dreading what that day meant. My brother was getting older. I wouldn't be able to take care of him as easily for long. I don't know why I felt that way. I didn't do any maternal chores or anything more than an 18-month older sister would do but I felt everything extremely strongly even back then. I look back and suspect that he had the same protective instinct over me and it's obvious that he did by the way he acted throughout the abusive times in my life. when he was old enough to protect me he did so before ever fully assessing if I needed protection or not. That's something amazing and terrible about bubs. When he felt strongly about something he jumped head first without ever checking the depths of the waters. When I was between the ages of eight and ten my Mother kidnapped us from our "abusive" father twice. I remember the first time her sister whom is now deceased came and helped us make our escape in the middle of the night. I felt like my mother would never lie about dad so if she said it was that bad then he must be abusive behind closed doors. We had heard him raise his voice often enough so it was easy to believe he was mean in other ways. Mom have been living in an apartment before a couple months And as I mentioned was helping us move so it must be Pretty bad if his friend was helping us to get away. Mitch came with us to New Jersey and stayed for the first couple of days and then Mom told us that they would be leaving together to get an apartment with an upstairs And Mom was going to go to school And Mom would be back for us. At the age I was I never realized that mom left dad and Mitch left Terri so they could be together but I do remember me and my brother absolutely hated him. Ryan didn't have a problem with him but he was a suck up and so was she so they just spent all day kissing each others asses. My sister and I have never gotten along well.. she is more straight edge than I am and Dougie was. She's more of the never smoked a cigarette, just started smoking weed type who only drinks half of a beer and says she's lightheaded before even feeling anything because she's scared. Whereas me and my brother could be three bottles in naked in a field screaming about getting a ride to the liquor store cause the party is never over. We weren't the same. I guess the differences in fathers really did make more of a difference than people want to truly admit. We always said theirs no such thing as half but Ryan wasn't a Treglown. I think she's proud of that fact most the time. She doesn't have to struggle with the constant journey towards the truth and having all the answers. She doesn't question our mortality and ponder the point of why we are here and if there is even a point at all. She lives her ignorant existence happily and without question and will until the day she dies, not so silently judging the other half of humanity along the way. I was in third grade at the time and it was the middle of the school year. Ryan was in fourth and bubs was in first. Ryan and I were ok without Dad because we believed our mother that he was abusive and that we were better off without him but dougie didn't do so well with the transition. Since Mom left us with Aunt jo and uncle Bobby they tried to make a life as normal as possible for us and we actually really had it good. Aunt jo was a florist and she made bears to sell in her shop that we enjoyed stuffing and dressing. He worked with computers so he made really good money and he was young and fun and extremely attentive. Uncle Bobby always wanted children but aunt jo was ten years older and had her tubes tied much earlier because her previous husband already had seven kids that were closer to her husband's age than mine. Uncle Bobby was probably the reason that they attempted to start the adoption process but mom wouldn't allow that even if it was what was best for us and she got back with Dad and had us come pick us up like we had only been visiting for the summer and just like that we had to say goodbye to the life and the parents we had come to know without ever having a choice. If they asked me I would have stayed and behind a procopczyk and lived a perfect little story book life where we would hike and ride bikes and communicate regularly. We would socialize with their friends and hang out with the dog and just be so content it would be almost boring. Ryan would have done what she thought was expected and followed mom but dougie would have gone to stay with Dad in a heart beat with or without us and looking back I thought he was crazy and it was just because he was a boy but maybe he saw the truth even before he realized it. Dougie has always been stubborn. When he makes his mind up about something it’s set in stone and there isn’t much that can be done. While we were in New Jersey the first time is when dougie started being violent and angry and he was only in the second grade.I assumed that he had picked up this behavior from our father but now that I’ve grown up and seen the bigger picture I no longer believe that’s possible because dad was never violent. The fictional character mom wanted him to be was. I’m not sure where dougies violence came from but I’m sure a lot of it has to do with not knowing how to express his feelings or not knowing who he could trust.