Exposed.

Yes I have been the good girl everyone knows. At school, at home and even on the street. so many expectations has been placed on me especially as my parents are known in the community for their good nature and loyalty. Am not allowed to make friends who they didn't approve of, neither am I allowed to go out freely with others; parties and outings are forbidden, even watching television. I have grown with this norm in my family to college. Now am not expected to let anyone down. sometimes I imagine the life of a free independent girl, sometimes I feel like running away from home until I can fully make my choices. It can be very suffocating a times. At college the lecturers already know me as the Lady with "A" . There is hardly a course I don't come out with an A. therefore some of my course mates has already predicted my CGPA before graduation. I have only one friend Cassandra. She happened to be my friend because we both grew up in the neighborhood. My parents has accepted her because they are also from a respectable home. But Cassandra is totally the opposite of me. she is carefree and always have her way. I sometimes admire her courage to always stand for what she wants. The fear of going to the extreme always stop me from exploring life in college even when I wanted to do so. I am a Virgin but I became tired of that too. I wanted to get rid of it because it sometimes make me naive infront of others whenever discussion of s*x arises. Even though I wanted to get rid of it, I also don't want to do that with any regular guy in my college. I have always dreamt of someone who would handle me with great expertise, someone so exposed to s****l exploit, hence a bad boy. I have so many crush, but it all ends there. when they approach me, I get to be turned off immediately. I don't know why, but I think I needed someone to put up with my head strong mature. Some of my course mate sees me as a cool, intelligent girl, but I am very stubborn to deal with. You must be really charming and posses some extraordinary qualities before I can remain head over heels. My attention span is always too short and I can easily get bored when it comes to being committed in a relationship.. This has been my life so far