Lost and Found

Chapter one 2 Years Ago, Rose’s POV I stare at the little stick that is on the side of my bath with my hands shaking and my stomach doing somersaults. I look at Kirsten, who has been my best friend since we could walk, she picks up the stick. Her eyes go wide as if they are to bug out of her head as she looks at the test, I lunge for the test and snatch it from her hands. I feel the colour drain from my face. Two lines. I’m pregnant. Tears stream down my face as Kirsten encloses in her arms, whispering words of encouragement into my ear. “Shh Rose it will be okay, I’m here, I promise, I’m here.” Was I ready to be a mum? Could I give this child things I knew nothing about? How was he going to react? Would he be happy or would he leave me on my ass? In the short time we had been together we had spoken about having kids, and he said he wanted a family with me, but would that still be the case now that this was a reality. No. I couldn’t do this, I could not have this baby. For the love of God, I am a 21-year-old Uni drop out and living rent free in Kirsten’s spare room. I feel guilty for even thinking such as a thing and bring my hand to my stomach. Could I really get rid of baby that has nothing wrong? They didn’t ask to be conceived, that is down him and I? Then a barrage of thoughts flooded my mind. Their little hands, curly hair, their toothless smile, me singing them to sleep, him and I looking at them when they slept. No. I could never forgive myself if I killed my baby, how could I? my tears finally stopped and my mind is made up from now on everything I do is for this little life growing inside me, every decision I make must be for the sake for this little life that we have created. I mentally spoke to my baby, rubbing my flat stomach in slow circles. “I am going to love you unconditionally little one, and I’m positive daddy will feel the same.” “What are you going to do? Whatever you decide I completely support you.” Kirsten finally spoke pulling me from my private moment with my little one. When I saw her face, I saw the worry lined that filled it. I pulled myself from the bathroom floor and looked her dead in the eye. “I am going to keep it. I don’t know if I am ready to be a mother, but I sure am ready to try and do my best.” With a smile of encouragement from Kirsten I got to work. I phone the doctors who manage to get me an appointment for this afternoon. I left a voicemail for “him” saying that he must come to my place at seven as it is important. I know he only left this morning but I’m sure he will come back for me. The doctor confirmed that I was 6 weeks pregnant and stated that my baby was the size of a bean. As I stare at my bean, and I can’t help but smile. I was going to love this baby with everything I have, as much as my mother should have loved me. I would make sure that they had everything they could want and know that they are loved with everything that I am. I got a photo of my baby and headed home, preparing for the conversation that is ahead of me. Just as I got in my car outside of the doctors, I had a message from him saying to go to his house as he had something to talk to me about. I head to his so excited with the new I had to share with him. I walk up to the door my knees shaking with the adrenaline coursing through my body. He took longer than normal to answer the door, but I pushed the icky feeling aside, telling myself nothing could ruin my mood. As he answered the door, he had puffy eyes as though he had been crying and his hair looked like he had been pulling it for hours. “Hi” I spoke quietly unable to contemplate the sight that I saw in front of me. This was not the fun, easy going and loving guy I had spent the last eight months I had spent loving, and yes, I was in love with him not that I had told him yet. I was waiting for the right time. He invited me in without a word, in fact all he did was turn and walk away from the door assuming I would follow him. “What’s up you said you needed to talk?” His voice was monotone, but I could sense there was anger there, he spoke to me as if I was an inconvenience to his day. I try to insist that he tell me what going on with him first, but he brushes me off and demand I go first. I took a deep breath and put the ultrasound in front of him. His eyes widened a little, but I soon as emotion appeared it left his face. “Is that what I think it is?” he spoke almost on a whisper. I nodded. “This is our baby. I found out today that I’m around 6 weeks and that they’re due in September.” He said nothing and continues to stare at the picture. “Aren’t you happy? We spoke about having a family one day, I knew it is sooner than we had hoped, but I am happy.” I was desperate for him to say something to me, all I wanted was something from him, anything. After what felt like an age he finally spoke. “I don’t want it.” With those four little words my heart broke into a million pieces. Everything I had envisioned for our family was ripped away. “What?” I asked trying to fathom what he was saying. He looked my dead in eye. “I don’t want this baby with you, I am engaged that is my news, we are getting married next month, surprise! She is good for me and for my father company, and this is something I need to do. I will write you a check for you to leave and not to come back. Keep the baby or don’t, I don’t really care but you need to disappear and never contact me again. I do not want anything to do with you or that thing.” He spoke about me and his baby with copious amounts of venom in his voice. I stood abruptly from my seat as if I had been pulled from it. “Please, you don’t mean that, we have been happy. You told me you wanted a family, you told me there was no one else for you, you told me I was your it, your life. You said you could love me.” I spoke quickly almost shouting, I was desperate for him to explain what was happening. He laughed, a laugh that made my spine shiver. “Loved? You really are that naïve. Why do you think I hid you all this time, didn’t tell my parents, my friends. You will bring nothing but humiliation to me and my family name. You were an easy lay that was convenient at the time. You. Are. Nothing. To. Me.” Before I realised what was happening my hand collides with his face, tears stream down my face and I’m shouting. He staggered back. “You do not get to speak to me like that. Don’t forget when I found you, you were nothing but a lousy drunk who didn’t know what day of the week it was. You are right, I am naïve, naïve to think that a stuck-up rick boy could think of anyone else but himself. You know what, MY child is better off without you, do not contact me ever again. You Theo are the biggest arsehole I have ever known and trust me I’ve known a few.” I turn to leave when I feel a hand grab my wrist, I can’t turn around, it is taken all I have not to crumple into a heap on the floor. Looking at him now would kill me. “Rose please believe this is better, for everyone.” His word angered me so much it took my whole strength not to knock him to his ass, I ripped my hand from his grasp. “Do not make out for one second that is benefits anyone but you, this is for you and money. Stay the f**k away from me.” I walked out slamming the door for added affect. I could just about unlock my car through my tears. I let the sobs rip through my body one by one. I look down and hug my stomach. “It’s okay baby, I will love you enough for the both of us. You are my everything, you and me against the world.” I drove away from him not looking back, it was time to focus on me and my little bean.