This will be my summer

Chapter 8 - you don't talk to me like that

I tried to take it easy the next week. I only hooked up with one more guy, but Ashley went out some more, so we were actually even by Friday. Instead of going out I picked up some more shifts at the coffee shop. Working there was really nice. They showed me how to make the sandwiches and other food, and I finally got to meet Chrissy. She was older than us, probably around 45 years old, even though I didn’t ask for her age. She was tall, rather slim and had long dirty blond hair with grey streaks. Overall, she had a really motherly feel to her but was resolute and knew how she wanted things to be done. I got along really well with her, because she always told me when I did something wrong and how to make it better, but never got angry or aggressive about it. I could understand why Ashley and everybody else liked her.

Finally, the next Saturday came around. Ashley knew some frat guys and there was a party going down in the frat court. I wasn’t really in the mood to go out though. I didn’t know why, but for some reason I had been feeling down for the past few days. Maybe things were going too well. It was suspicious.

Anyway, I didn’t want to fall behind on the bet and Ashley wouldn’t let me stay behind anyway. So she did my make-up and gave me big smokey eyes. Then she made me wear the short black dress with the cutouts on the sides and in front together with my new high heels. When I looked in the mirror, I looked miserable. Like a literal prostitute.

“I can’t leave like that”, I told Ashley. She looked at me sorrowful. “I know you don’t feel well. But we’ve been there before. If you just sit around, marinating in your sadness, things won’t get any better. You have to get up and do something. Dressing up is the first step. Come on, put on a smile. No one will be able to resist you.”

I tried to smile, but it looked more like a clown in a horror movie. We both sighed.

“We need alcohol”, Ashley said. So we started drinking before we even left. It didn’t really make me feel any better.

Slowly we walked down the road towards the frat court. “Fake it till you make it”, Ashley told me. “You might not be happy right now, but if you put on a smile, you’ll eventually get better.”

Once we reached the frat court my mouth dropped open. I just couldn’t get used to how much money people around here had. There was a street separating the frat houses to the left and right, leading to a big one in the center. In front of the houses the frat guys had their cars parked. Back at my university we had something similar, but smaller. With normal cars. Here, people in college drove Mercedes and Porsche and other expensive brands. None of those cars parked here cost less than 30 grand.

And the houses were bigger too. They had put up some plastic bags to keep people and the police from looking inside and see people drinking, but we could already hear the loud music coming from each house. There were nine. All of them were big, at least two, sometimes three or four floors, with huge white pillars and a huge front porch. And the whole street was crowded with people coming here to party. Young girls, dressed even sluttier than me, were all around. Suddenly I felt really old.

“Vanessa!”, Ashley yelled and dragged me to one of the houses on the right. She had spotted one of the girls we had gone out with before. There were several people in the yard in front of the house, playing beer pong and other drinking games. Vanessa came over and hugged us. Someone gave us drinks. There was lots of chatting, but this time I didn’t really feel like I was a part of it. I just wanted to go back home and cuddle into my bed.

When Ashley and Vanessa moved on into the house, I downed my drink and followed them. Maybe that would help. Inside there was loud music. It was rather dark, only some chairs against a wall in an otherwise empty and a bit dirty room. People were packed in here. There was barely enough room to dance, but I followed Ashley to dance anyway. When she brought me another drink I happily downed it again. “Aren’t you feeling better already?”, Ashley yelled over the loud music. I could barely understand her. But she seemed so happy to be here and I knew she only wanted my best. And I didn’t want to ruin her night. So I put on my best fake smile and nodded in excitement. She laughed.

We kept dancing for a while. Then Ashley met some guys she knew and introduced me, but I didn’t pay attention. My head was spinning. She stopped paying attention to me, thinking I was fine. So I got another drink and sat down on one of the chairs. There were people making out all around me, but all it did was disgust me. Some younger guy, probably a rising sophomore, came up to me and said some stupid pick-up line. He looked really young, with greasy hair and a really slim build. He was shorter than me. I just stared at him until he left.

I kept drinking and waiting, not sure what I was waiting for. Maybe for Ashley to lose interest and take me home. Meanwhile Ashley was having the time of her life, talking to several handsome guys. She could easily pick which one she wanted. ‘I should be doing the same’, I thought. But I just couldn’t move myself out of my chair for anything other than getting a new drink. My face must have said it all, as no one else approached me.

After a while I saw Ashley make out with one of the guys she was talking to. Then he took her hand and lead her upstairs. She looked around to see if I was alright but couldn’t find me. She probably thought I had done the same.

I felt even more miserable. Now she was in the lead. If I kept being in that mood, nobody would ask me out and I would lose the bet. And that made me think about Benjamin and that I had to tell my parents about him. I could hear him laugh in my head. ‘You are so ugly, no one here wants to even talk to you’, he would say. ‘No one here would want to have s*x with you, just look at you being a miserable little girl’.

That gave me the rest. I would no longer sit around and let people talk to me like that. I wasn’t that girl anymore, I was in control. So I shot out of my seat. After downing another drink, I found the young guy from before. He was talking to some of his friends, so I just grabbed him and started kissing him. He tasted like alcohol. Or maybe that was me.

When he was out of breath I took his hand and tilted my head towards the stairs. He laughed nervously and high-fived one of his buddies. I rolled my eyes and let him take me to his room. I needed to win this damn bet.

His room was messy and dirty. For a second I felt like throwing up. Then I got my s**t together and started to strip naked as soon as I had slammed his door shut. His eyes got really big and he did the same. I kissed him again and we got down on his bed. He kept kissing my neck. I told him to use a condom, which he quickly put on. Then he pushed into me. I inhaled sharply. Maybe that would make me feel good again. He kept moving back and forth, his lips back on my neck. But it was a really awkward pace. I tried to make it better, but he was so focused on himself and what he did, he pretty much didn’t notice me anymore. He kept going faster, but it wasn’t really feeling good. I got wet, but there was no tension building up at all. The only thing building up was the feeling of disgust and having to throw up. After a while I just closed my eyes to wait until it was over. Somewhere along that I passed out under him, way too drunk to stay awake for bad s*x.

The first thing I noticed was a headache. I had a really bad headache when I woke up. Slowly I opened my eyes and blinked into the sunlight that was coming through one of the windows. The room looked even dirtier in daylight. Like a boy that needed his mother to take care of him lived here.

Disgusted I turned around. He was also passed out, snoring next to me. He probably hadn’t even noticed that I had passed out in the middle of it. I pushed away his arm that was laying across my waist and sat up. My head was ringing. As fast as possible I put on my clothes and stormed out of the room without looking back. I tried to find the bathroom. There had to be one on this floor. After walking in on several couples passed out in their beds, I finally found it. I didn’t even bother to close the door, I just kneeled down in front of the toilet and puked. When I was done, I got up slowly. If I sat down now, I probably wouldn’t get back up anytime soon. I made my way to the sink to wash my hands and my mouth. When I looked up in the mirror, a ghost greeted me. My eyes with all the make-up smeared around them were big and dark in my pale face. My blond hair looked greasy and messy. I was a mess. ‘I’ll never drink that much ever again’, I swore to myself.

Slowly I made my way down the stairs. Each step was hurting my head on a whole new level. When I got downstairs, I felt like puking again. I needed a glass of water really badly. I found the kitchen and a somewhat clean cup and poured it full of tap water and downed it. I sighed deeply. There was a clock on the wall in front of me. It was barely 6 am. What a crappy night.

Then I heard someone chuckle behind me in a really mean way. I quickly turned around which made my head spin. Squinting my eyes, I tried to see who had walked in on me. There was a guy standing there with a trash bag in his hands. He didn’t look like the typical frat guy. He was older than me, probably 27 or 28, maybe even 30. He wore a simple shirt and jeans, obviously no expensive brand clothes. His hair was short, maybe an inch or two long, and of a blond color that almost looked grey. He was muscular, but in a doing physical work way, not a working out way. And his grey eyes looked down at me with disgust and a mean smirk on his lips.

“What’s your problem?”, I managed to say while holding on to the sink behind me, because I was scared my knees would give in under me otherwise.

“Oh, nothing. I kinda got used to all the sluts walking around here”, he replied, not losing his smirk.

Something about him just made me angry. I was just a girl, trying to live my life and have fun. What right did he have to talk to me like that?

I pulled down my too short dress a bit and walked up to him. He looked down at me, curios what I would do next. He was taller than me. With a smile just as evil as his, I reached out and grabbed his most precious parts in a tight grip. He inhaled sharply and I could see I was hurting him and got him by surprise. Then I got really close to him and looked him in the eyes. “Well, at least I am getting laid.”

Then I let go and walked away. No idea what had just gotten into me. Usually I wasn’t a mean person. But I was done letting people walk all over me and talk down on me like that. And the way he looked at me just made me angry. Like he knew everything about me already and it wasn’t worth a second look. And I was so done with letting other people define my worth.

Slowly I walked back to Ashley’s apartment, finally feeling good again. Angry, but good.