Maybe for us my love will be a struggle

Loving somebody means the end of the world, I mean, at least for me! Waking up every morning and seeing the same old house that my mom has held me in all my life is not the best feeling. My mom has worked all her life, and it looks like so do I. Seeing my mother work all day and even at night makes me go crazy. Knowing that my life will not be better than my mother's. I know, maybe I am selfish, but this life is not what I want! Here I am, once again visiting the same old room to satisfy the old lady who just loves to make me go crazy all once again. It's not like I can run away, my mother will kill me if I run away like I have been planning all my free time. I feel like I live my life like a fool. I can not love somebody, nobody. Seeing my mom smiling makes me think about dad. How did he feel when mom said no love is allowed in her life? Life gets better when I am allowed to go outside, but just for the products. I feel free when I am her, seeing all these happy people that live their lives on their own, making their own life choices just makes me feel much closer to them. As you can see, I talk a lot about my dad. I just miss him. All my life I have lived without him. My mother just seems to have it all, being loved by someone. My dad killed himself, just for my mother, but she didn't even think about saving him. Why? She says love does not exist, and I should start thinking with my brain, not with my heart. When I ask ''if love doesn't exist, then how was I even born'', all she says is I am the one big mistake she made in her life. Sometimes it feels like I don't have a mother , not talking about mothers love even. I don't get it, love is so beautiful, but here it's like, the monster will come out any second. Seeing my mother come in means I have work to do which I would love to do, of course. Anna, it's time for work. Stop being lazy for god's sake! Here comes the hell that sucks me in, and makes me a slave to all these rich people who can't do anything themselves! Walking through these corridors, full of a hundred and one photographs that I have never had time to even look at, seems like now would be the time, but of course not, the world just wants me to work my a*s off. The head of all servants calls me to start cleaning the master's bad room. As much as I heard, the prince would return home after the whole war with enemies, but not that I know him privately, and not that I am interested in those things, I just want to be free. Is that too much to ask? I get bullied, because we are lower-class servants. This girl, Samanta, is just so rude, not that she is much better than us. She got to work with her majesty, our queen. She personally asked her to her servant. What's so good about it, you may ask? Not that I know, but I heard that she can marry a high-class person. At least she can do that-only high-class people can do that, us? We can not love or marry someone, we can not have children and have no choice, because we are slaves to wealthy people, we live without a choice. That's why my mom hates me with all her heart. I am a mistake that she didn't need in her life! My mother used to be the head of all servants when I was not born, but when they found out she was pregnant with me, she lost everything she had planned for her perfect future, and now all she does is brag about how I should kill myself, but I love my mother. All i have is my mother, the one and only person i love and will ever love in this life, right?