Her Absolution

Chapter 19

    I know that with all the crying my eyes were puffy but I don't cared about that and Sarah will understand. When I got home Sarah was on the theater room. She was watching The Originals on Netflix. When she turned and saw my face she had a worry look. I told her I went to Asher's tombstone, that I let every little thing I was feeling out of my chest, of my heart and of my mind. Liberating some of the guilt and anger I had about that day.

    She started crying and I cried with her. We stayed like that hugging each other and watching movies and series on Netflix, on the couch for the rest of the day. We both cried trying to let go of the guilt, I know her's is letting him go back to the school. That night sleep came easily, it was better than the night before and other nights. It was the first time in this last months that I was peacefully. 

    The house was empty, no mom or dad or Ruby or anybody. It was uncomfortable but relaxing at the same time. For the first time in a long time I had a nice and beautiful dream. I was running on grass barefoot; I can hear myself laughing. I feel someone chasing me trying to get me, but I don’t let them. And when I look up I see children in front of me playing and running in circles with each other. There were two little boys and a little girl. The little girl looked older than the boys. There laughter was consuming like mine once was. I felt a pair of arms hug me from behind and when I look to see who it was I woke up. 

    Sunday came and I got an earful from mom about how I can’t be this irresponsible or how I need to get my s**t together. But she stop giving me an ultimatum when she saw my bruises. And that’s when all hell broke loose. The look on both their faces was incredible; it was telling they wanted to kill the person who did this to their daughter. Dad literally said it.

“Who the f**k hurt my little girl? I’m going to ripe their head from their body.”

    It was funny seeing his reaction, his face was full of anger. I calmed them down and explain everything that happened, except the making out session in the locker room with Ashton. They definitely did not need to know that. But the rest of the stuff yeah. I may look and act like a little good shoes telling them everything but I don't care. They are my parents and they have every right to know what is going on in my life. I also don't want to worry them more than they already are.

    They told me the reason why they went to visit grandma Lisa, she got in trouble with the police again and this time she had no way of getting out of it. Mom told me the reason grandma could not get out of it this time was because their is a new "sheriff" in the town, who is a young women, no way grandma could flirt her way out of it. Grandma Lisa is the kind of person that still thinks she is a teenager. I remember sometimes I had to come get her at the police station at night because she spend the day there. Asher always found it hilarious that grandma was a rebel at heart. Sometimes they end up in there together, because she would reel him too in her "adventures". 

    Monday came and Ashton wasn’t in school. I didn’t see him in any of our classes or by his locker. Neither on lunch hour, he wasn’t outside smoking. It was weird not see him even if it was from a distance. His usual table at lunch was filled with his friends, he was the only one not present. Did something happenned to him? Is he okay? Questions like that went through my mind all day. So much for keeping my distance, right? I'm a goner.

    The next day it was the same situation, Ashton absent from school. I could see on second period that Megan was relieved that Ashton was not at school. The next day the same, no Ashton. I was starting to get worried that something happened to him. That maybe he got in an accident or that something happened to someone in his family. 

    When I picked Ruby I ask her if the triplets were fine. She told me yes with this weird expression and asked me why I was asking. I ignore it and ask her if she could ask the triplets if they knew about Ashton. The next day she told me the triplets told her that he was fine because he is staying at their house. I didn't pry anymore. Why would he be there? Then I remembered that he and his father argue, maybe that's the reason.

    Knowing that his fine I let the matter go. Great then, I can go back to my life without him in it. This is actually a good sign. I can now do as my initial plan and that is to avoid him at all cost. I can focused on my life, on my emotions. And that’s what I did. 

    I started going to support group again and I booked more session with dr. Cambridge. She was please to see that I was making an effort. I felt that I was getting out of limbo, slowly but it was better than being stuck. To get out of my purgatory and starting to live my life. It took me a few sessions but I talked to her about the miscarriage and what I was really feeling. I didn’t hide anything. I never talked to her about the miscarriage, about losing Charlotte. 

    Honesty is the best thing, it can set you free from expectations, pain, but it can help you face the hard reality. It’s a slow process but I don’t want to get stuck on the past. I had a difficult conversation with dad too, he didn’t want to see the signs that he also needed professional help. That he needed somebody other than us and himself to get out of his state.

    I finally convince him to go to a support group with me and mom. When he heard of other parents losing their child or children, he broke down. In the middle of the group session he started crying, you could feel his heart braking for his son. Mom hold him never letting go, she cried too and this time he hold her too, but not behind closed doors, in the open. He is going to them and talking to a therapist too, not the same as me. 

    A week passed and Ashton didn’t come to school, still missing classes, if he keeps at it, they are going to call his dad. Kenneth came to me and apologized for his selfishness and jerk attitude. I accepted his apology; everyone needs a second chance. He told me if we ever need anything to come to him and his friends, his football friends. Marcus was glad Kenneth apologize so that now he can sit at their lunch table. Good for him.

    Sarah stayed with me; we weren’t really ready to go back into the popular table or like I call it the spotlight table. But I told Kenneth that if I do need anything I’ll go to him. It was the third week since school started, almost two weeks of Ashton not coming to school. And then he appeared on second period on wednesday. He didn’t looked happy. He looked like this is the last place he wanted to be. His family must have found out about his skipping spree.

    He goes and take his seat in front of mine. He doesn’t say hi or good morning or anything for that matter. So this is the bad boy/antisocial attitude of Ashton, I definitely don't like it. The rest of the week went by. Ashton never said a thing to me and I the same. On most days Kenneth ate his lunch at our table. Apparently Ashton is angry and cranky, and he didn’t want to spend time with that Ashton. That it was better to stay clear of him.

    The emotional distance was building and the physical one too. There were times that Sarah looked at me, trying to see my reactions or trying to decipher my feelings. Honestly, I feel sad about how we are treating each other. I feel bad that I'm being selfish, that he isn't talking to me. And I only admit this to myself but I miss him a little. I miss his annoyance and his playfulness. 

    Questions like; did I do something wrong? did I push him to tell me something he didn't? was he okay? what happened?; they keep poping in my mind. And more questions keep coming. I'm starting to doubt myself more and more. Does he regrets that night at my backyard or the time at the locker room? Ugh, this is horrible. But I don't take the courage to ask him any of this.

    His still looking sexy as hell and you can see his bruises fading away. Every time I see him my mind takes me back to the locker room and how he made me feel. I tried to forget but I know it's impossible, he makes it impossible. He is currently sitting in front of me, his back is to me and he doesn't turn. He is not doing anything or saying anything. If he wasn't going to practice I would have been more worry about him. 

    What's bothering me more is this silent treatment that doesn't seem to have an end. If it keeps going, I’m going to explode and that can’t happen. It was Friday I was on my second period when Mrs. Walsh told us we are going to be in groups formed by five students and that she was going to decide who are going to be in those groups.

“Group five. It consist of Megan Clinton, Marcus Linus, Camille Doveman, Ashton Mercer, and Autumn Maverick. I’m giving you all two weeks to do the presentation. And changing groups are non-acceptable. Use the rest of the class to talk among you about the work. Have a nice weekend.”

    And Mrs. Walsh walks out of the classroom, leaving me in the lion's den. Everyone is in uproar because of the assigning people in the group and not being able to pick who is going to be in them. This is going to be fun, note my sarcasm.

“You’re house Autumn or Joanne’s dinner?”

“How about we decide as a group.”

“Why? Everyone but Megan and Ashton knows where it is. Hey, Camille.”

    Camille is a sweet, shy girl that visits her grandfather in the summer. She is 5'6", skinny, has brown eyes and light brown hair, wears glasses, she has a oval shape face, and she is extremely smart. Her grandfather lives in the same town as my grandma. Camille has been our friend for years now. Lately I have been neglecting my side of the friendship. I didn't know she was in this school until second week of the year. She was on a vacation with her family on Europe. 

“Hey guys. So Autumn your house?”

    I see on the corner of my eye Megan moving to us. Ashton’s back straighten seeing her approach us. I guess she still has an effect on him. Maybe that's the reason his ignoring me. He's still hung up on her, he still have feelings for her. 

“We can meet wherever you guys decide just make it during the daytime. Okay? It’s more comfortable for me.”

    Bitchiness suits her but is she being nice because Ashton is here? That maybe if she does something she will not hear the end of it? Ashton turns around to me and whispers in my ear that he is comfortable with whatever we decide. Ok, weird. He is acting freakishly weird. 

“Fine. Since everyone has been to my house they want to know if we will get together there? My parents and little sister are usually there but we can go to the shed on the backyard?”

“Sure, send me the address. What time and day?”

“So who is available tomorrow at 12pm?”

    Everyone says yes to that time and day. I take my phone out to ask Megan for her phone number. But I see a text from Marcus; Ashton knows were you live? I got it from you asking Megan a minute ago, you said everyone excluding her. Spill. s**t, I haven't told him what happened. I texted back with an I'll explain it later. I asked Megan for her phone number, she gives it to me, and I send her the pin location to my house.

“Ok, then.”

“Woah wait.”

We all stop and look at Megan. Is something wrong?

“You freaking live here? That’s your address?”

    She asked me this while holding her phone up and her fingers are touching the screen. She is showing me the image that google maps is demostrating. Knowing she is asking about my house I ignore that part that she said but answered her. 

“Yeah I live at Blue Ride. Is that a problem for you to get there?”

“Girl no. I meant in that mansion!”

    She responded with an attitude, the one she gives anyone who she think is inferior to her. Not participating or entering her mind game, this is unbelievable. I never really saw it as a mansion more like home. Because that’s what my parents always make it feel like, a home. A place were a big family lives. So, I gave her a short and honest answer.

“Yes.”

“Are you kidding? If I have a mansion like that for a home I would be bragging about it. You're weird.”

“Not everyone is like you, Megan.”

    Ashton responded her. He was on his side and I can see that his eyebrows were scrunch up and he was angry. Everyone from the group was watching our interaction, Sarah included. Megan just gave him a cold stare and said: “See you tomorrow.” Leaving the classroom. We all look at her retreating back. I see Ashton relax his shoulders and back. I can’t believe this. If the tension is going to be like this we are doom. We are never going to get anything done, they will always be fighting.

“Well then guys see you tomorrow. Can’t wait to see little Ruby.” Camilles gives me a sympathetic look, she waves us goodbye. Marcus and Sarah are quiet, waiting for me or Ashton to speak. He turns around and sees me. It’s been a long time since those blue eyes have seen my green ones. This can't be happening. We need to talk, now. 

“We need to talk. Follow me.”

    I got up from my chair and take out my phone seeing that we still have 15 minutes until the next class. Ashton gets up and let’s me pass, ever the gentleman. He follows me out the school to one of the courtyards. I turn my body to him, and he stops walking. I instantly crossed my arms over my chest, you can see I'm bother and a little angry. We are a few feet away from each other.

“I’m sorry.”