Linda

Linda gazed at her husband sleeping on the couch. He was snoring deeply and the remote was still clutched in his hand. The television blared some unbearably stupid show. His belly flowed freely over his belt. His scalp showed through his thinning not very clean hair. He was dressed in a tee shirt and shorts. It was like he didn't care anymore. "When did this happen?" Linda wondered. Where was the handsome sexy guy she had fallen in love with? She had felt like the luckiest girl in the world when she became his girlfriend. His kisses had set her on fire. And he had turned into this. This lump of no ambition asleep on a couch that had seen better days. Linda wasn't sure what she wanted. But she knew what she didn't want. A guy with no passion. A guy who didn't want anything different. A guy who liked things the way they were. A guy who bored her. "There has to be more than this" she muttered. "I want more than this" Linda went to her bedroom and opened up her laptop. What she was about to do kind of scared her. Well she wasn't serious. She was just playing around. She typed Online Dating Sites into the search engine. 1500 dating sites popped up. 1500! "How is a gal supposed to make up her mind?" Linda asked herself. So she typed best dating sites into the search engine. That was a little better. Now to narrow it down by her age group (50s). She thought about using a false name. She had no idea there were so many lonely men out there. And no getting around it, whoever she picked would be a stranger. An unknown. And what if they lie on their profile? Of course they lie on their profile. I'm taking a big chance. But let's face it, I'm kind of desperate. Whatever I'm doing now isn't working. She quickly realized that rich men didn't go on dating sites. At least not on the dating sites she went on. Maybe when you're rich, women come to you. That makes sense. Well he doesn't have to be rich. Just someone to rev up my engine. I feel like I've been asleep for ten years. On the first dating site she found a lot of guys who looked just like her husband. Overweight, balding, not the greatest job in the world. Not burning with ambition to do better. Then she found a guy who looked like Tom Selleck. She had always had a thing for Tom Selleck. Despite his flirting with the NRA. Everyone's entitled to a few mistakes. Ever since he was a hot young actor. Now he was a hot old actor. "Life is so unfair" she thought. "I kill myself to look good. He rolls out of bed and he looks like that." She made a date with Mr. Looks Like Tom Selleck. She was no dummy. Make it in a public place during the day. Mr. Looks Like Tom Selleck might be a wacko. You never know. To her great relief he seemed perfectly nice when she met him. Friendly, polite, the kind of man who was worth a second date. Linda thought she was good at picking men. Then they brought their food at the restaurant. Mr. Looks Like Tom Selleck chewed with his mouth open! Linda desperately looked anywhere but at his mouth. She imagined spending the next ten years watching him eat. Spending years trying not to look at his mouth. The humanity! "I wonder if the real Tom Selleck has terrible table manners" she thought. "He's probably a very overrated actor anyway." Goodbye Mr. Looks like Tom Selleck. There must be someone out there for me. Maybe I'm a little too choosy about looks. After all, it's what's on the inside that counts, right? Who cares if he doesn't look like a movie star. Not me. Back to the drawing board. Linda liked to think she wasn't a snob about looks. But heck a lady likes something to look at once in a while. When her eyes are open. And someone she can talk to. "I'm not that hard to please" she thought "I want someone kind and reasonably good looking and interesting. I don't care if he's taller than me. I don't care if he's poor. Well not too poor. I do care if he's stupid. No matter how cute and sexy he is, it doesn't cancel out stupid. My standards are not that high. This should be doable." Linda took a deep breath. She was going to try again.