Like Never Before

I also met Mila online, and we basically clicked. We met a couple of times, and she was becoming more like a sister and not just a friend. I first noticed Micheal on her f*******: page, until he kept showing up on my page in "people you may know." When Micheal kept insisting I should consider being his girl, I quickly notified Mila because I knew they were friends, and her advice would be of great help. I just didn't want to be played. I always had those thoughts that he wasn't the one, but I was happy around him when we were communicating. Mila said I could date him if I was sure I wanted to. She said he was cool about it. Micheal had no idea I had spoken to Mila about dating him and hopefully agreeing to being his girl. That's where the advantage of him not knowing helped me in figuring out the kind of man I was dating. Now every single thing I ignored started falling into place. Was it the moments he'd ask me not to come over because I was on my period, or the days he was the one getting to decide when we get to meet? I didn't even see anything wrong with that because I loved him. The worst of it all is that I lost my virginity to this low life, and thinking about it made it feel like someone was piercing my heart with some kind of sharp object. My heart was bleeding. I know I was naive, but Micheal made me feel stupid. He took my timidity for granted; I was just a plaything. I stopped eating, I started losing weight, and I couldn't even say a word to him. I fell sick, and honestly, I was too broken to act normal in that relationship again. This was a man I met two months ago, and I wanted everyone to know he was mine. But he'd suggest we kept everything on the low, and I was so stupid not to see all these signs. Slowly, he noticed I was drifting away. I wouldn't even call if he didn't. I was more like a robot in that relationship because I had zero emotions. I didn't know how to break up with him or what to say. Mila suggested I just play along with him, but honestly, I wasn't that kind of person. I was disgusted by his presence already. I opened up to my other friend online. He was more like my therapist. I could rant as much as possible, and I would leave feeling better after every single conversation. He gave me all the emotional support I needed. He was of great help getting through everything. Mila invited me for a gathering after a few weeks of sulking indoors. She wanted me to cheer up a bit. Mila even suggested we play him. She wanted to agree to date him so she could hurt him too, but I told her he wasn't worth all the stress. We had a great time at the gathering. I realized he wasn't worth all the sulking and unhealthy behavior I was putting myself through. He was the trash, not me. I wouldn't play victim to someone who didn't seem to care about hurting women. I got home feeling a bit lighter and then I posted a picture of Mila and me. He saw it, and in a few minutes, he called and asked if we could have a proper conversation. I told him it was fine whenever he was ready, but he never called that day, and I didn't even care. I guess I was finally getting over him. After a couple of days, he called in the middle of the night after I had totally ignored his existence. I was awake because I had a terrible cold, which wouldn't allow me to sleep, and his call was just something to entertain me, so I picked it up. "Hey, I knew I promised to call earlier, which I didn't, but I want us to talk about us and how distant you've been. You barely call if I don't, and I remember us planning to meet last weekend before I travel for a job. But it's so unlike you not to care at all. Is there something I've done, and I need to know about it?" Micheal asked. I was quiet because I wished I had the courage to say all I needed to say, but my introverted nature wasn't letting me be harsh or mean. Even though I was hurting, I just replied casually. "Well, it's not like you did anything wrong, but I've been busy with school, tests, and all that. I'm currently down with a cold, so I'm barely thinking straight right now. If you had cared enough, you'd have noticed that too." Even though all I wanted to say was everything I knew and how it made me feel, he wasn't buying it, so he decided to speak his mind. "I see you post frequently, but whatever you say is fine. We are both adults here, and I would like you to tell me if you have found someone else better, or if you're tired of me already." I was hurt by those words. Micheal just tried to pin that I might be cheating on him indirectly. It sounded awful in my ears, he was trying to play the saint here. I still replied calmly, like I wasn't wishing I could scream in his face. "I'm not seeing anyone, it's just what I've said." The conversation ended swiftly, not like the lovely couples from some weeks back. Honestly, for the first time, I didn't care at all. I couldn't fall asleep because of what he said about me seeing someone else. I needed him to know that he was the bad person, not me. And just like that, I sent him that long epistle saying everything I'd been holding onto for weeks. I felt lighter. I was hoping to get a remorseful response, but Micheal hit me with; "We'll talk tomorrow." And that was it. Tomorrow turned to days, weeks, and eventually months. No explanation, no calls. I blocked everything concerning him and slowly picked up all my shattered pieces. I shut my heart to love. One hurtful trial, and I couldn't see myself handling another. I told myself I was done with love. But love wasn't done with me yet.