Not Poor Enough For Pity

“You have no problems, how lucky. ” My brows raised as I heard the voice. That sentence was just like a daily routine—a reminder of my status in a school full of people who work to the bone just to survive. “everyone has problems. Some may hide it, some may show it. Some choose to end their problems quickly with just a usual stroll along the bridge and some try to find ways to fix it. In a world like this, you cannot find a person without problems. It’s just like that” I casually said, poking my scrambled eggs mixed with salt and black pepper with a fork. Its fluffiness left me in awe ever since I took it out of the pan this morning. The Suns rays was killing me, it shines directly through the classroom and landed perfectly just on my seat making it easier for me to sweat. “What’s there to have a problem with if you’re well off.” “Ashley, you don’t know what you’re talking about. ” “Your father is a retired Seaman now a successful businessman and your mom being a teacher from a private school now his partner. Just by their previous jobs alone you can really tell you’re well off so what’s there to problem about. You have money, a home with food and water, and in general—a good life.” I placed my water down with a final gulp as I looked, my hair shifting to drape over my back. I looked at this girl I call my friend only for her to tilt her head and just smile. She doesn’t know. She's very oblivious. I just gave her a smile—a smile that doesn’t seem to reach my eyes. Me? Good life? I almost didn’t want to believe it. Then again, people do expect me to be as fee as a bird in these rural areas. As if noticing my sudden shift in mood, she just grabbed my arm and smiled showing her beautiful white teeth with a gap in the center. I could see her dimples form—a genuine smile. “stop being so down it’s only been a few hours! Come on let’s go have something from the canteen. I’ve been craving that new ice cream flavor” She grabbed my hand which sent shockwaves upon contact and bolted put of the floor waxed classroom as if her shoes were made with non slip rubber. I can’t help but stare at her hair as she ran before me. It glides in the air with the same look as the hair they use in shampoo propaganda. A weight shifted in me as I stared at this girl. It was an emotion I’ve carried since I was younger. Jealousy. I felt the weight of utter envy at her circumstances. Her father is a taxi driver. Making ends meet with a beat down Toyota Corolla that isn’t even in his name. Her mother, a housewife who tends to her and her 5 siblings. Yet, despite her having only decent grades, despite her father having money only enough to buy food for a week, they seem so—happy. I would look at her mother every parent teacher conference, she was beautiful with black hair, brown eyes, and wavy hair. Her face seemed to tell a lot—a face of hardship. “Mom when will dad get home? I really wanted to show him that arts and crafts project” I would hear her say. Her voice was loud and squeaky as if trying to sound cute and innocent. I watch as her mother’s face shifted from sad to affectionate as she would reply with her sweet voice. “My darling, your father will be home a little late so why not save it for his day off, m’kay?” I watch Ashley nod in response to her mothers answer. Despite knowing her father won’t immediately find out about the project we did a day ago which was making a card for your parents, she still chose to be positive about it. I watch in the sidelines holding the crumpled paper card I had given my mother. My teeth gritted so hard it would feel like its colliding with the atoms. I walked out of the classrooms and into the corridor filled with parents that were leaving after signing their children’s report cards. I looked around, my head darting from side to side and eventually found a trash can to which I tossed the card into it. I could see the title of the card and it made me want to wretch with disgust. I love you! It had been written with glitter pens that were more expensive than a sack of rice. I wanted to throw a book. Seeing my friends happy family made me want to tear them apart. I kicked a pebble with annoyance as I sat down beside a tree. God I hate this. I f*****g hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate. I hate. I hate. I hate. “Yuudine?” I gasped softly as I was snapped back to reality. I locked eyes with the cafeteria lady, she raised her brow in annoyance as she gestured to the line behind me. I muttered an apology and took my drink. Ashley waited patiently beside me. She held her handmade sandwich and that pistachio ice cream that she looked forward to tasting. “I didn’t expect you to daydream like that. You are muttering about hating something, care to explain?” She asked curiously as she sat down on the chair. I quickly shook my head as I smiled softly. She noticed once again a shift in my mood but she didn’t want to nag me even more so she just handed me a piece of her sandwich. It was two slices of bread paired with a scrambled egg filled with ketchup in between. I tossed it into my mouth and was met with the explosion of my taste buds as heaven hit me all at once. “Not gonna lie, this is actually pretty good.” “it is isn’t it, too bad you never tasted these in your life. Since you eat macarons for snacks.” my smiled faltered at her comment. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, my hearing became more hyper sensitive. Suddenly, it seemed as if the cafeteria became louder and louder. I covered my ears. The voices were loud no matter how hard I tried. I can hear the chewing and the loud conversations hit me all at once. My face began to go numb as the world began to spin. “hey what’s wrong.. Hey you’re scaring me you know” Her voice began to go distant as my eyes rolled back and I fell to the ground with a thud. People gasped, looking towards our direction. Some checked on me and some offered to take me to the nurses office. But Ashley stood up and hoisted my body before running down the hallway like a superhero. I could feel her desperation—it was funny.