A Second Chance

Chapter 14 * Jordan

As soon as I arrived in Florida, I could tell something was off about Bernadette. She’d lost a lot of weight which was strange because she had always been very comfortable with her body. She was unusually excited to see me. She had bought all my favorite foods and the house was spotless. It’s like she was pretending to be someone else. But she seemed happy so I chalked it up to her adjusting to being single.

The first day or two was fine. She flirted but it was harmless. We went to the kid’s moving up ceremonies and ate dinners together. I helped her cook Wednesday night. I was relieved to see that my kids were doing well in school and their extracurriculars. I had been really worried about how the divorce and my moving away would affect them.

The kids were excited to spend the summer in NY and Bernadette seemed excited to have free time for once. She told me about all the friends she was going to catch up with and activities she had signed up for. Everything about her life that she had put on hold to raise children.

Things started to get dicey Thursday morning. I went looking for towels. I knocked on her bedroom door and she said to come in but when I did, she was only in a bra and thong. They were a matching set of black lace. I covered my eyes and asked her why she told me to come in and she made some excuse about how it was just a habit. Then she had the nerve to ask me if I could adjust her bra. I stalked into the bathroom, grabbed the towels and went back to my room without a response.

I was in the shower not 10 minutes later when she just walked in and “apologized” for her earlier behavior. I told her to please leave, which she did, thankfully. When I got out, I dressed and headed out to the kitchen. She informed me the kids had gone out to see their friends and asked if we could have lunch together. I agreed.

She made some sandwiches and cut up some fruit and we set up out back by the pool.

“You were right, Jordan.” She began. “It’s not ok to make the kids my only priority. I should have made time for you. I should have made an effort to continue to have s*x and go out together alone. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not all your fault, Bern. I could have been more understanding of how much you were taking care of. I should have maybe tried to talk through parenting decisions more to see if there were compromises we could have made that worked for our whole family.”

“That’s kind of you to say, Jordan. But honestly, you were the most supportive, understanding husband a person could have. You were always there to help and encourage. I’m the i***t that thought it was ok to put you and us on the backburner for 20 years.”

“It’s alright. You live and learn, right? You’ll be more open for your next relationship.”

“Well, actually, that’s what I wanted to discuss with you.” She began. I stopped eating and looked at her uncomfortably. “I think we should try again.”

“I’m sorry, what?” I replied, dumbfounded. She had barely reacted when I asked for a divorce. She really had seemed like our relationship didn’t mean anything to her.

“I realize now, everything I should have done differently. Not to mention, the kids are older and less needy. Since you’ve been back, everything has been comfortable and right. This is the life we should be living, together.”

I didn’t respond right away because I honestly couldn’t process her words at first. This was not at all what I expected to hear from her. I had been pretty certain I was just a glorified sperm donor to her up until this moment.

“Bern, you know I moved on. I reconnected with Jamie and we’re in love.”

“Jordan, you dated her for two weeks, 15 years ago! She was a rebound then and she’s a rebound now. The sooner you realize that, the better everyone will be.”

I felt myself starting to get angry from her words but took a deep breath to keep calm. “Bern, she wasn’t a rebound then and she definitely isn’t now….I don’t want to hurt your feelings but, Jamie was always the love of my life. When you and I met, I had ruined everything with her. She moved on and found a guy who never hesitated in his love. I was heartbroken and only had myself to blame. You knew you were supposed to be a fling but we got along well and just kept being together. We never met anyone better than each other. Eventually we got pregnant and you insisted on marriage and that was that. But we never had a romance even if we did love each other.

“I never forgot about Jamie. I looked her up every now and then to see how she was. I dreamt about her often. When we had just separated and I ran into her totally by chance in the Keys, I couldn’t ignore that. God was giving me a second chance and I was willing to do anything to take it. It’s never felt like any time has passed with her. Everything feels the same, or stronger. I’m so sorry that I’m hurting you, but I don’t want to give you any false hope. She’s my forever.”

She was quiet for a long while, thinking over what I’d said. I waited.

“So,” she started quietly. “You were just biding your time with me from the start. You were always hoping to see her again.”

“No! I was happy with you for a long time! It’s not like I pined for her every day for the last 15 years, but I could never forget her completely. And as soon as I saw her, I knew this was it. So you and I will never happen again. I’m so sorry.”

She didn’t respond at first. I saw a lot of emotions cross over her face: anger, embarrassment, sadness. “I guess I’m happy for you, that you found someone who will give you the time, s*x, and attention you need. She seems like an amazing woman, juggling a business and 3 kids without a husband.”

“She is. She’s the strongest woman I know.”

She changed the subject then to something more lighthearted and I was relieved that the topic was done.

My kids Bella and River came home shortly after. I was washing dishes in the sink when River asked if we could stay a few more days so he could attend a party. We debated it but I eventually agreed. I called the airline to switch the flight and was typing a text to Jamie when Bernadette bumped me hard as she walked by and I dropped my phone in the sink. I immediately pulled it out and she got me a bowl of rice but I still needed to let Jamie know I’d be later than I planned. I knew she’d worry. I asked Bernadette to text her and I watched her do it. We said goodnight then and went to our separate rooms.

All day Friday, Bernadette kept us busy, running all over the place. My phone hadn’t recovered when I got up in the morning and I just really wanted to get a new one to call Jamie but somehow the day passed and I never got the chance to go. Saturday morning I got up early and took the car before anyone else got up. I figured I’d make it up to them by bringing breakfast home after I got my new phone.

I was in the store and chose my new phone. We got through the whole transfer process and I paid. As I left the store I checked my messages. I had a voicemail and texts from Becca that had me seeing red. I’m honestly not sure how I got back to the house because I have no recollection of driving. I stalked into the house, saw Bern in the kitchen in tiny sleep shorts and a tank top and I felt my blood boil. She turned to me with a huge grin on her face but it quickly fell when she saw my expression.

“When you texted Jamie the other night to let her know my phone was broken, did you say anything else?”

She paled just a little bit.

“Uhh, not much.” She began, nervously trying to come up with a good answer. “She asked who I was and I told her. That was pretty much it.”

“And, out of curiosity,” I started, “who did you say it was?”

“What do you mean? I said it was Bernadette.”

“I think you told her you were my wife and that we had reconciled. I think you told her she wasn’t enough for me and I wasn’t going back to NY. I think you insinuated she was a terrible mother for moving on from being a grieving widow ‘so soon’. It’s been more than 2 years by the way, not that it’s any of your business. The icing on top is that you sent her photos of us together to try and convince her that we are a couple again! Did you really creep into the guest room while I was sleeping to take that photo for this very reason???”

I was shaking and I knew I needed to calm down. She looked shocked which made sense since I’d never raged like this the whole time I’d known her. I wasn’t ready for her to talk though. I continued, “I have never, in my life, known someone to be so cruel as to manipulate and shame a widow, and recent r**e victim into thinking that not only is she a horrible person for trying to find happiness but that she is also a moron for thinking she found it with a man who has no feelings for her at all. You should be ashamed and embarrassed and feel sick with guilt for putting her through that. She has been through enough. And you and I ended amicably! Or so you led me to believe.”

“We did! I just-”

“You just finally woke up and realized that you treated me like a sperm donor and disregarded my feelings for 12 years and maybe you shouldn’t have because I actually treated you better than most other men out there would! It’s too late, Bernadette. I found the woman I’ve always loved and I know that has to hurt but it is the truth. I am never letting her go again. Even if that means I have to cut you out completely. You and I are done.”

I stalked into the guest room to get my things. As I passed the stairs I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I looked and saw Bella and River sitting at the top of the stairs listening. My expression softened immediately and I felt mildly guilty for them having heard me yell at their mother like that.

“I’m sorry you heard all that. I shouldn’t treat her that way.” I apologized to them.

Bernadette came up behind me, noticing them for the first time as well. I ducked into the room to pack up.

“Is it all true, Mom?” River asked.

“Give me your phone.” Bella told her.

It was quiet for a moment while the kids scrolled through.

“You cropped us out of these photos! These are completely out of context! How could you do this?? You always tell us to be considerate, good people and you’re behaving like a child!” My sweet Bella accused her.

“This is really messed up, Mom. Dad’s right, you know. You never considered him. You always made all the decisions for all of us while making him do all the actual work. I don’t blame him for leaving and I’m really happy that he’s happy.” River told her.

I came out of my room to see them both standing at the door with their bags.

“You ready to go?” I asked. They nodded. “Great,” I continued. “The uber is out front.”

“Wait! I was going to drive you all.” Bernadette cried desperately.

“Nope, we’re fine. Look, Mom, we love you, but you need to figure out yourself. I hope you have a good summer.” River told her. They gave her quick hugs and we left.

Once we were settled on the plane, Bella turned to me.

“How did you find out about the phone call and pictures?” She asked.

“Jamie’s friend Becca called and texted me screenshots.”

“What about Jamie?”

“I think she had tried to call a few times but because my phone was busted, it went straight to voicemail and she was afraid your mom had told the truth. So she didn’t leave any messages.”

“Have you gotten in touch with her?” River asked, sympathetically.

“No. She isn’t responding. I’m sure she’s just busy. She had an open house this morning.”

“You’ll work it out, Dad.” Bella assured me. “She’s your soulmate. If you could get her back after 15 years, you can get her back despite mom being a crazy person.”

I smiled at them both. Their mom did one thing right. We had great kids. Bella was right, I told myself. I’d explain everything to Jamie and she’d understand.