Nirvana

Chapter seventeen

    Vanessa bit down on her lip to keep from screaming. Jose had used a lot more force on her last lash than usual. She must have really upset him. She didn’t want to receive any more lashes, afraid she might lose all feeling in her bottom. She knew she wouldn’t be able to sit comfortably for a few days. She was grateful, he chose to avoid hitting her legs since they weren’t fully healed from her last beating. Once he was done, Vanessa slowly pulled up her pants. 

    “You better stop acting up Vanessa.” Jose started. “Father was really displeased when you didn’t show up last night. Where were you really? Out with some boy?”

    Vanessa stayed quiet. She had already received her punishment, no use telling him anything. It’d only make things worse. Truth be told, she was with a boy. Dylan had invited her to stay the night at his place. She knew she’d get in trouble for staying out, but she’d almost grown numb to the beatings so she decided she earned the right to be irresponsible at least once. It was worth it too. She couldn’t remember the last time she had so much fun with anyone. Regardless of how badly they beat her, she wouldn’t forget the moments she shared with Dylan. She just wished, she didn’t have to come home to this every so often. As she turned to leave, Jose cupped her face and turned her to look at him. There was no longer anger in his eyes, but instead something seductive and lustful. 

    “You know you’re my favorite baby girl right? Why you gotta make Uncle J hurt you?”His hand traveled down her neck and stopped just below her collarbone. “Do what you're told and I might reward you with something that will feel a lot better.” 

    Vanessa fought the vomit back down her throat. She could handle the beatings, but she couldn’t stand it when he talked to her like this, when he’d try to be gentle and touch her. Ever since she’d hit puberty, the uncles of the house had become a lot more bold around her. They’d point out the fact that her breasts were poking out more and make comments about her butt and how well its shape was coming in. She didn’t feel comfortable walking around the house with anything other than sweatpants and sweaters two sizes too big. Still, they’d buy her fitted outfits and force her to wear them. She tried to confide in her older sisters, but a lot of them ignored her or warned her to keep her mouth shut. She couldn’t tell her younger siblings either afraid they’d be punished or rushed into this treatment. Not only that, but they struggled to keep secrets and she might be brutally punished for it. Jose’s hand grazed her n****e and she pushed him away. She could tell by the look he gave her she might be expecting 5 more lashes. Thankfully, Jose got a call and didn’t seem to have the time. 

    “You better watch yourself girl. You don’t want to piss me off for real.” Jose threatened as he shoved her out of the shed. “Head straight to your room. Bad girls can go to bed hungry.” 

    Feeling humiliated and defeated, Vanessa ran to her room. Thankfully, the manor was big enough for each girl to have her own room. Vanessa figured it was so they couldn’t talk to each other and plot against them. It was dark out, she was sure everyone was heading to bed. She changed her clothes and tried to carefully lie down on her side. The pain still made sleeping uncomfortable, but she managed to drift off after several minutes. Suddenly she was awoken by a knock on her window. Ecstatic, she launched from her bed and opened the window. “Crimson!” she exclaimed, but covered her mouth as she realized she had said that a bit too loud. Crimson was a boy who looked to be her age. She didn’t know his name, but the color of his eyes inspired her to give him a name herself. She didn’t know much about him except the fact that he was a demon. Usually Angels and Demons despised each other. Stories were told that all demons were evil and wicked, however, he was different. Crimson was sweet and gentle. He’d started showing up to her window weeks before, sometimes bearing gifts or food. He always wore a black hoodie and face mask, so she never saw his face, only his deep red eyes. They’d usually stay up talking or playing simple games. Apart from Dylan he was the only other friend she had. “I didn’t think you’d come. I thought you might be mad that I wasn’t here last night.” 

    “I’m not mad.” Crimson said. Crimson didn’t talk much, he usually just listened to her. He’d said it was because his English wasn’t perfect. “Have you eaten?”

    Vanessa shook her head. A grumble echoed from her stomach. Crimson reached into his jacket and pulled out something wrapped in aluminum foil. Elated, Vanessa hurried to open and gobble whatever was inside. She was taken aback by how hot it was. It was a hot potato stuffed with cheese, spinach, and broccoli. She was always grateful he never brought her meat. Her uncles didn’t acknowledge her being vegetarian and only made what she couldn’t eat. It left her only eating side dishes most of the time or going to bed hungry. It was strange since she didn’t recall telling him she was vegetarian. As she ate, she continued shifting her weight on one side to relieve some pressure. Crimson must have noticed.

    “Hurt?” he asked as he gestured toward her bottom.

    “Oh, it’s not that bad, really.” She lied. She didn’t want to, but Crimson always got a dark look in his eyes when she mentioned what her uncles had done. It almost frightened her, so it was better if he assumed she was okay. “How has your day been?” she asked.

    “Boring.”

    “I’d say the same, but school was fun. I played with Dylan at recess and we found 4 dollar coins under the slides. They look really old, wanna see?” Without waiting for an answer, Vanessa rushed to her back pack to grab the coins. “We split them 50/50. Look, it’s really dirty, but I think it’s from 20 years ago. Dylan said we should sell them when we get older and see if they’re valuable. Isn’t that cool?”

    “Cool.” Crimson replied. 

    “Do you go to school?” Vanessa waited for his reply, but this time he stayed quiet. She stuffed the coins back into her bag.

    “Do you like him?” 

    “Who?”

    “Dylan…”

    Surprised, Vanessa blushed. “What? Of course not, how could I ever? Not that I think he’s ugly, he’s cute, but not like that. I mean he’s not bad looking, but he’s my friend.” she turned away bashfully. “Besides, it wouldn’t matter if I did. I’m not even supposed to be talking to him like I do. Father would be furious and I’d end up getting-”

    “Hurt?” he guessed.

    Vanessa’s face saddened and she tugged at her night gown to hide the bruises on her thighs. Crimson rose but he wasn’t looking at her. He looked far away and very angry. His eyes glowed like fire. Vanessa ran to hold his hand. “But it’s okay. I’m okay. Besides, once I get adopted, you won’t have to worry about me. I’ll be done with this place.”

    “Done?”

    “Yeah, free...of course, I guess that’ll mean we won’t see each other anymore.” 

    “I’ll find you.” Crimson promised. He took her hands into his and brought them close to his lips. “Wherever you go, I’ll find you.” 

    “Anywhere?”

    “Anywhere.” Crimson said.

    “What if I get adopted by an Angel family? What if I move to Nirvana?” Crimson grew quiet. Vanessa knew that demons wouldn’t be allowed to cross the barrier into Nirvana. It was a sacred place where only Angels could enter. Of course he wouldn’t be able to follow her there. It was a shame really. Her real father was from Nirvana and she had hoped she’d be able to meet him. However, if she were to move there, she’d likely never be able to see Crimson again, not even Dylan. “Sorry I brought it up. Let’s not talk about stuff like that.” 

    “I’ll find a way,” he interrupted.

    “What?”

    “No matter what. I promise.” he promised. 

    Vanessa’s face flushed. He was always saying gushy things like this. It made her happy, but also worried. Being friends with him was already dangerous. She cared little if Father found out and beat her, but if he were to report Crimson to the Authorities, he’d likely be exorcised. It worried her already that he snuck around at night to see her. They stayed up and talked and before she knew it, she had fallen asleep curled up next to him. He was warm and cozy. However, the bliss was short lived when Vanessa awoke to footsteps approaching her door. There was a knock and the rattling of keys. Vanessa hurried to urge Crimson into her closet and to stay quiet. “Come in.” she said. In walked Jose, wearing a white shirt and shorts. She didn’t know what time it was, but it had to be sometime after 12am. He smiled at her.

    “Sorry babygirl, did I wake you?” Jose asked.

    “A little, but I’m not mad. Is something wrong?” she asked.

    “Of course not, I just wanted to check on you. Are you feeling okay? You’re not too sore are you?”

    “I’m fine.” She lied. “It’s my fault for misbehaving. I’m sorry.” Jose sat on the bed next to her and gave her a hug. She awkwardly accepted the hug. He smelled slightly sweaty and of alcohol. 

    “You know I hate causing you pain.” he ran his hand down her back. “I thought I’d come make it up to you.” 

    Vanessa shivered as he continued to run his fingers up and down her back. She desperately wanted him to leave, but he might get angry if she asked him to. “It’s okay uncle. I don’t deserve such kindness.” 

    “Nonsense,” he leaned her back and layed down behind her, pulling her into a tight cuddle. Vanessa could feel his breath on her neck. “Mmm..you smell really nice.” he whispered. “It can be scary sleeping all alone in the dark.”

    “I-I’m not afraid of the d-dark.” she stammered as she tried to keep herself from shaking. The dark was the last thing she was afraid of. 

    “What a brave girl you are. Then you can protect me. I actually hate the dark.” he ran his fingers through her hair. “Don’t tell anyone alright? I don’t want the other uncles making fun of me. This will be something just between us. Okay?” he held out his pinky finger and she shakily wrapped hers around his. 

    Vanessa felt dizzy with fear. She felt she might throw up. She tried not to focus on the hand gently grazing her leg and stared at the closet. It was slightly cracked open and dark except for the glow of deep red eyes. 

    Vanessa awoke to the sound of whimpering. She turned to see Pryor, his head resting on the edge of her bed. She touched her cheek to find that it was wet with tears. 

    “Are you okay?” he asked.

    “Yeah...yeah I’m okay.” Vanessa wiped the tears away and checked her phone. There were a few messages from her friends and 2 missed calls from an unknown number. Despite sleeping for over nine hours, Vanessa still found herself feeling drained and sluggish. However she pushed through it. Of all days, this was the day she needed to go to school. It was time she talked to Dylan. 

    At school, she looked for him, but he didn’t show up to morning classes. It was odd because even on his sick days, he didn’t often miss school. 

    “Good morning Nessa.” Sarina greeted her as she entered the student council office. “Are you feeling alright today? Raid told me you’ve been having trouble sleeping.”

    “I’m fine. I’m pretty sure I slept for 10 hours last night. Have you seen Dylan at all today?” 

    “Oh, you didn’t hear?” Sarina asked. “Dylan got rushed to the hospital last night. I think he had a seizure or something. His parents called the school to let him know he wasn’t gonna show up.”

    “A seizure? How’d you hear about it?” 

    “From Katskai. Apparently they had a project to do and when he called to see where he was, his dad picked up the phone. Don’t you have his number too?”

    Vanessa shook her head. With all that’s been going on, she hadn’t had a moment to ask for his new number. Vanessa was overcome with worry. Dylan took care of his body, ate the right foods and exercised regularly. The last time she’d ever known him to be sent to the hospital was before they’d even become friends. 

    “You can leave and go see him, you know?” Sarina stated. 

    “I can’t just leave school. You know we’re still technically grounded right?” 

    “I’ll cover you. If anyone asks, I’ll say you weren’t feeling well and went back to your room. Don’t worry about your student council work, I’ll handle it. I owe you anyway.” 

    “What about Raid? I promised to help him-”

    “I’ll handle it, Ness, geez. Just get outta here.” Sarina gave her a wink and went back to her work. Vanessa smiled back and gathered her things to leave.

    Vanessa went to the hospital Roxanne worked. It was usually the first place they went whenever he got sick. She noticed his father sitting in the waiting room with his hands covering his face. He looked exhausted. “Hi Derrick.” He looked up and went to hug her.

    “Oh Vanessa, I’m glad you came. Dylan has been acting really down, I thought you two had a fight.” 

    “I guess you could say that.” 

    “Oh no, this is all my fault.” he sobbed.

    “How is this your fault?” she asked. His face hardened. 

    “There’s something I haven’t told Dylan. Something about how he was born. Why was he so...peculiar.”

    “You mean about him being a demon?” she guessed. He turned to her, almost offended.

    “I admit Dylan has some darkness to him, but please believe he is a good man. He is not the demon the world wants to paint him to be.”

    “Oh, hello Vanessa, darling how are you?” Roxanne asked as she approached. She gave her a tight hug. “He’s been asking about you. Did you two have a fight?”

    “Do you know what’s wrong with him?” she asked, dodging the question. 

    “We don’t know. One second he was fine, the next he’s falling over with chest pains. Oh lord, I hope his symptoms aren’t coming back. We haven’t had to deal with this since he was a child.”

    “Is he awake?” Vanessa asked. Roxanne nodded and led her toward his room. 

    Dylan sat on his bed while Vanessa lay on his lap. Her eyes were closed and he was combing his fingers through her hair. Neither one of them spoke, but he was comfortable with that. The sight of her, made his skin heat up.

    “What’s wrong Dylan?” she asked. He was surprised by her voice. It rang in his ears like a catchy tune. 

    “Nothing,” he said. “Why’d you ask?”

    “You’ve become warmer all of a sudden.” 

    “I’m just happy you’re here with me,” he admitted. She turned to him sleepily, her eyes still closed. 

    “Where else would I be?”

    Somewhere else, I guess,” he said, rubbing his thumb across her cheek. His eyes softened. “Somewhere far where I can’t reach you...It makes me kinda scared...scared that one day everything will go bad...and I’ll wake up and you won’t be by my side anymore.” Vanessa placed her hand on his cheek.

    “That won’t happen silly. I’ll always be by your side.” she buried her face into his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her. His temperature continued to rise.

    “Ness?” Dylan called softly. 

    “Yes?” 

    “You know...I’ve wanted to tell you this for a long time now…” he stopped, searching for the right words, his face started to flush from embarrassment. “I never said anything because I always feared your reaction and how you might feel after I told you...that I’m-” Dylan was interrupted by the sound of her laughter. 

    “Don’t tell me you’re in love with me.” she said bluntly. Suddenly, her body felt weird. It felt harder. The heat was starting to make him uncomfortable and light headed. She backed away from him, her head low, so he couldn’t see her eyes. She sighed. “Oh Dylan, how could you do this to me? How could you do this to us?” Even her voice sounded different now.

    “Do what?”

    “You know that I can never feel that way about you. I thought you cared about me. How could you let your pathetic little feelings ruin our friendship? You really are foolish.”  Dylan flinched. 

    “What are you saying?” he asked with pleading eyes. He placed his hand on her shoulder, trying to see her face.

    “You’ve stepped out of place.” she said. “We were supposed to be friends, nothing more...Now we’re nothing. I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.” This was strange, her voice sounded weary and deep. Dylan felt a sharp pain in his chest. It had become incredibly hot. He was sweating and it was becoming hard to breathe. 

    “Vanessa,” he tried to call, but was met with only black smoke. His throat was burning. She smiled and lifted her head. Blood was spilling out of her eyes and mouth. He jumped in horror when he looked down to see a sword sticking out from inside her chest. The heat was growing more intense by the second and he realized that the walls were melting, turning a dark red. 

    The sword pulled out of Vanessa’s chest and she fell face down. Dylan couldn’t scream, his throat felt clogged. Lucifer appeared with a big toothy grin spread across his face. Dylan wasn’t in his room anymore, he was in hell. Out of fury he tried to lunge for the demon, but he was stuck. He looked back to see that he was chained down. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t speak, all he could do was watch. He felt his skin melting. Vanessa lay dead on the ground while Lucifer stood over her corpse with a bloody sword

    “No!” he tried to scream, but once again, only smoke escaped his lips. 

    “Welcome back, young prince.” Lucifer sneered as he pulled back his sword and sliced Dylan’s throat.  

    Dylan awoke, choking on the smoke that escaped his mouth. His body felt like it was on fire and his sheets were drenched in sweat. The sharp pain piercing through his chest was unbearable as well as the burning sensation crawling up his arms. “Make it stop.” he prayed as he fought against the soot caking his lungs. “Please...make it stop.” 

    “Dylan?” Vanessa called softly as she opened the door. She didn’t want to be too loud in case he was sleeping. To her surprise, he was staring right at her. He looked sickly with pale skin, hollow cheeks and dark bags under his eyes. His eyes were bloodshot. His breaths were shallow and it pained her to see him hooked up to so many machines. This was not the same bubbly and strong boy she’d gotten used to. Had she known he’d grow ill, she’d have never fought with him. Sure, she was hurt, but this pain was far greater. “Oh my God, Dylan.” She sat next to him and used her hand to brush matted hair out of his eyes.

    Dylan let out a small groan of relief. Her hand felt soothing and cool against his hot skin. 

    “I’m so sorry Dylan.” her voice cracked as if she were near tears. “I should have been here sooner. More so, I should have been with you. You must have been suffering long before today and I ignored you.”

    “Not your fault.” Dylan said. His voice was hoarse and scratchy, but he tried his best to sound more clear. “I’m just happy to see you.” he smiled weakly. “You look better today. I was worried you weren’t getting enough sleep.” 

    Vanessa chuckled. “You’re the one in the hospital and you're worried about my sleep?” he chuckled, but was interrupted by a nasty cough. “Should I get you something? Water? Your mom maybe?” 

    “No, no...just stay here for a little while longer...please.” he reached for her hand and pulled her closer. Despite being extremely overheated, having her next to him helped cool his fever. The dizziness had stopped and it was getting easier to breathe. He hoped she didn’t feel uncomfortable, but if this was the only moment he’d get, he wanted to be selfish if only for a little while. They sat there for a few moments, peacefully listening to the sound of his pulse. 

    “I remembered something last night.” Vanessa started. “I remembered what the adults would do to us at the orphanage.”

    “I’m sorry. Are you alright?” he asked.

    “Honestly...no, I’m not. The only memories I ever had of being there were pleasant. It’s horrifying to see all that I’ve forgotten. Everything is always so vivid and I feel everything that’s happening. The beatings...the fear...the disgust...I see why I had asked to forget about it.” she took a long sigh. “I also remembered more about Crimson.”

    “Vanessa...I really did want to tell you. I’m so sorry I hurt you.” 

She smiled at him. “I don’t know your entire reason for keeping what you are from me, but I know you had your reasons. You were scared I’d abandon you.”

    “If I’m being honest, that wasn’t the only reason.” he started. “Of course I was afraid you’d avoid me, but I was also afraid of being left in the dark about you. You didn’t talk about your family or where you lived. You always tried to hide the bruises on your body and change the subject when I addressed them. At first, I believed you’d tell me with time, but then there were days when you didn’t show up to school or didn’t return my calls. I got worried. It’s selfish, but I used Crimson as a way to get closer to you. To see the pain and the suffering you refused to show me, as if I couldn’t handle it.” he chuckled. “I guess, in a way I couldn’t.” 

    She turned to him, her face serious. “What happened that night, with the fire?”

    “Shouldn’t you wait for the dreams to tell you?” 

    “I don’t want to relive it through my dreams. Sometimes it gets too real and I wake up...traumatized and exhausted. It doesn’t really allow me to rest.”

    Dylan took a deep breath. “You disappeared for a month. You didn’t come to school, you didn’t call, and no one would answer the door when I stopped by. I knew you told me not too, but I had gotten worried and scared something bad had happened to you. So...I snuck in to see for myself. I hadn’t planned on hurting anyone, I just wanted to see you and make sure you were okay. Strangely enough, a lot of the adults weren’t around except for a few guarding the gates. I noticed one of them enter a shed and I waited for them to leave. When I went in, I picked up your scent as well as a lot of blood. Apparently someone had seen me sneaking around and I got caught. They said they called the police and they're gonna throw me out. I freaked out. You were so close, but he was getting in the way. At the time, I wasn’t in complete control of my powers and I freaked out. My power seeked out and his arm caught fire. No matter how much he rolled around, it wouldn’t stop. I wanted to help, but the longer I waited, the more I feared for your life. Turned out that she'd had a secret passageway that led underground. It was a celler covered in mattresses and foam. There were a dozen men down there, laughing and grunting and in the mist of it...you lay unconscious in a pool of your own blood….” he glanced over to see Vaness take a sharp inhale. Her eyes were glossy, but no tears came. “You were naked and bruised all over. Hell, if you weren’t Angel, I’m sure you would have died. It  angered me more than anything I’d ever felt. It felt like something vicious was clawing its way out of me. At first, all I could do was shout and yell at them to get the hell away from you, but they laughed and came at me with a wooden paddle. They asked if I was the fuckboy you’ve been playing around with. They shoved me against the wall and tried to pull my pants down, saying they’ll teach me about minding my own f*****g business. At that point...I lost it, blacked out. I didn’t care who got hurt, I let my anger consume me and before I knew it, the shed was engulfed in flames. All of them were either dead or unconscious. I picked you up and led you out. I knew the flames would spread so before I left, I made sure to pull the fire alarm so the other girls could get to safety.”

    “Oh Dylan..” she sniffled. “You were tainted...to save me?” 

    “It gave me dark wings, sure…but I’m pretty sure my soul had been tainted long before that night.”