Nirvana

Chapter fifteen

    “So, after me and Renei managed to shake security, we became pretty close. She was fun to be around, but she was a handful.” Vanessa explained. “Honestly, I didn’t think I’d ever make such close friends.”

    “Were you not that popular?” Darren asked. 

    “It’s not that. I could see that people tried to get close to me, but..” she huffed. “Dylan was kinda intimidating, so he scared most of them off. Not to mention...um…”

    “Your phobia?” Darren finished. Vanessa hung her head bashfully. 

    “It’s not something I really like to talk about, not that I know fully why. I lost a lot of  my memories so I don’t know what might have happened to make me so...hesitant to be around humans. It’s not like I think they’re bad people.”

    “Well, that makes me sort of relieved.” Darren admitted. “When we first met, I was scared you hated me. It was so hard to approach you without the fear you’d lash out at me.” he chuckled. 

    “Yeah, sorry about that.” she apologized, rubbing the back of her neck. They were standing in line at the movie theaters. It was packed with people and the line didn’t seem to be getting any shorter. “At this rate, we’ll miss the first half of the movie. We probably should have gotten here earlier or ordered our tickets offline. 

    “It’s fine, I don’t mind waiting. That means I get more time with you.” he smiled at her. She blushed and nudged him. 

    “Are you gonna keep saying cheesy stuff like that? It’s embarrassing.” she smiled slightly. “But this is nice. I don’t really open up to a lot of people like this. I’m glad I came.” As they neared the front of the line, Darren searched his pants for his wallet. When he couldn’t find what he was looking for, his face turned white. “Are you okay?” 

    “What will you two be seeing tonight?” the clerk asked. 

    “Are there still seats open for Blackout?” Vanessa asked. The clerk typed on his computer and pulled up a seating chart with few seats available near the back. “Cool, we’ll go F11 and F12.” 

    “Uh, Ness,” Darren whispered. “I can’t find my wallet.”

    “What? You lost it?” 

    “I don’t know, I think it might have fallen outta my pocket at Poppy’s.” 

    “Hurry up!” someone yelled. “You’re holding up the line.” 

    Without a second thought, Vanessa took out her wallet and paid for their tickets. Darrem felt slightly nauseous. How could he lose his wallet? How would he get home? It had his student bus card and ID. He couldn’t ask Vanessa. He was embarrassed enough. She grabbed his hand, interrupting his thoughts. 

    “It’s fine, I don’t mind covering this. We can double back to Poppy’s before they close to see if someone found it for you.” 

    “I must look really dorky right now,” he said. 

    “Stop that, everyone makes mistakes. It’s not the end of the world.” she smiled reassuringly and squeezed his hand. It was obvious she had put him at ease. Suddenly, something came flying, hitting Darren in the back of the head. Startled, he turned around. Lying on the ground was a black wallet. Darren picked it up and looked inside. 

    “It’s...It’s mine. How did my wallet get here?”

    “Maybe someone picked it for you and came here to return it.” she guessed. “How nice, but did they really have to throw it like that? You could have gotten hurt.”

    Darren looked around curiously. Who could have picked it up for him and why didn’t they just hand it to him instead? No one was looking their way, so he dropped it. He was just relieved that he had his wallet back. He placed the wallet deep in his pocket and followed Vanessa into the theater. 

    Dylan, who was hidden in the crowd near the concession stand, watched as Vanessa and Darren  walked in. “Can’t believe she chose that careless i***t over me.” he mumbled.

    “What did you say?” Nina asked. 

    “Nothing.” he lied. Still, it cleared his conscience that he had decided to do the right thing. It’s what Vanessa would have wanted him to do. Regardless, it didn’t make him feel better. His chest ached. 

    Nina stared at him as if she were trying to read his mind. What was with him? What was he thinking just now?

    Dylan no longer wanted to follow Vanessa and Darren. It only caused him pain. However, since he was still on a date with Nina, he couldn’t just cut it short and take her home. He tried to focus on the movie, but every giggle and whisper from them drew his attention away from the screen. He tried desperately to ignore them, fearing that his anger would cause the entire theater to catch fire. The movie was about a strange man who kidnapped and tortured woman, eventually selling them off as s*x slaves. He could tell by the way that Nina flinched and cringed that the movie was a bit too disturbing for her. 

    “Is this too much for you?” he asked.

    “It’s a little disturbing.” she replied. “But I’m fine. I can take it.” 

    “Do you want to go to another movie?” 

    “Like steal a movie? No, it's fine. I wouldn’t want us to get in trouble.” 

    “It aint stealing if we’ve already paid for the movie. The prices are all the same anyway.” he could tell that she wasn’t the type to break the rules, so he dropped the suggestion, realizing that she was uncomfortable about it. So, they watched the rest of the movie in silence. 

    After the movie had ended, Darren walked Vanessa home. They talked about the movie which Vanessa enjoyed. Darren, however, felt that it was too graphic. 

    “I like that the detective guy managed to save those girls. Going into that house was dangerous, it’s sad he lost an eye and leg. Guess that’s the cost for being a hero. I’m pretty sure it was worth it though. I would have done the same if I were in his position.” Vanessa said. Darren winced. 

    “I mean, it’d be nice to help them, but do I really have to lose an eye? They’re like my best feature.” he glanced as she giggled. “What? You don’t believe me?” she hummed and he stopped to make her face him. “Are you telling me that looking at them in the moonlight doesn’t do anything for you?” 

    Vanessa stared into his eyes. It was true he had a unique eye color that shimmered like melted silver in the moonlight. Having him so close made her feel small and timid. He was teasing her and she knew it. To her surprise, he started to lean in. She panicked and recoiled away. She instantly regretted it as she noticed the hurt look of rejection on his face. “I-I’m sorry.” she stammered. 

    He gave her a nervous laugh. “No, I’m sorry. I took it too far. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” The awkward silence between them was heavy. Vanessa felt sick to her stomach. To be honest, she wouldn’t have minded kissing him. He seemed to be a pretty decent guy, sweet, attentive, and hardworking. Was her phobia getting in the way again? Was she still afraid of him. This was killing her. Why was she so frightened? The dreams hadn’t shown her enough yet. She felt him gently grab her hand. “It’s okay really. I’m fine with this. We don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do. Let’s just get you back before we get caught.” and just like that, he led her back to the academy.    

    Nina was holding onto Dylan’s waist tightly as he swerved around each corner. He was driving faster than earlier, making her sick and nervous since he didn’t even slow down when cars were in front of them. All he did was swerve around them, barely even stopping for traffic lights. 

    “D-Don’t you think you’re going too fast?!” Nina asked, trying to scream over the roaring engine.

    “Scared?” Dylan asked, a hint of amusement in his tone. “Relax, I’ve been doing this for a really long time.” 

    This made her more nervous. Why was he in such a rush in the first place? When they arrived at the apartment complex Nina hurried to jump off the bike. Her legs were shaking and her hands were ice cold. Her red hair was messy and wild, loose strands hung over her face. She didn’t care, she was just happy to be on the ground. 

    “Thanks for the ride.” she said, though she never wanted to get back on another motorcycle again.

    “Sorry about your hair.” he said, glancing at the top of her head. She tried unsuccessfully to straighten it.

    “It’s fine. It’s just hair.”

    They stared at each other. Dylan never went on dates with other girls, so he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do at this point. Nina looked down bashfully and Dylan winced. Was she expecting a kiss or something? He couldn’t do that, not to her. 

    “Dylan, did you have fun at all with me?” she asked, her face turning red. 

    “Oh, um, yeah I did.” he lied. Tonight had been torture for him. He should have stayed home. 

    “You’re lying.” she stated bluntly. “Since we met up, you’ve been kinda distant. We barely got to talk, and you could barely keep your eyes on me. Did you only ask me out because you felt guilty for rejecting me earlier?” 

    “No, it’s...it’s not that. I’m just not that good with other girls. To be honest I’ve had a lot on my mind, so it’s been hard to focus. I’ve never even been on a real date before.” 

    “That’s actually kinda surprising. You’re so good looking. I know there had to be a few other girls who’ve approached you. I mean, the only way I can see why that would happen is if you were-” she stopped, realization hitting her. She bit her lip. Dylan looked at her puzzled. “Ah, right, you did say you liked someone didn’t you?” she gave him a smile. “Don’t worry about it. I had fun anyway. We should do this again another time. As friends of course, if you don’t mind.”

    Dylan didn’t see the point in seeing the girl any longer. He didn’t plan on spying on Vanessa’s dates anymore. However, he was tired, so he didn’t have the energy to protest, he only wanted to go home. So he settled with something simple. “I’ll think about it.” He put the bike in drive and fastened his helmet. “See you around.” With that he turned and drove away. 

    When Dylan got home, he instantly collapsed onto his bed, relieved that the day was over. He wanted to crawl under his covers and forget today ever happened. Before he could get comfortable, he heard a knock on glass. He looked over at the balcony, thinking it was Vanessa, but the blonde hair revealed that it was Sarina again. 

    “Well this brings back memories.” he teased as he let her in. “Does Katskai know you sneak over to my house at night?”

    “Don’t make this out to be something it’s not.” Sarina sneered. “And yes, he does. Unlike you, I’m trustworthy. I wouldn’t lie to him.”

    “If you come to rub s**t in my face, you can leave. I have enough shame in myself for both of us.” 

Sarina made a face. “That’s not what I came for...It’s about Nessa.” 

    “Figured. After all these years, you still don’t know when butt out and let me handle my own shit.” 

    “Excuse me? I’m trying to help you, brat. Did you know she went on a date tonight?” 

    Dylan scuffed. “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

    “Oh really? Is that where you went earlier? Spying on her?” Sarina accused. She must have struck a nerve because Dylan approached her with a menacing scowl. She smirked. “I admit, you’re cute when you try to be intimidating, but let’s not forget my ability counters yours perfectly. You can’t scare me.” Now it was Dylan’s turn to smile. 

    “Do you really think so? You have no idea what type of man I turned into, the things I’ve done.” 

    “Yeah, and I’m not the only one who doesn’t know the real you.” she saw his face falter. “Look, I may not know what led you to hide what you are, but I do know that you didn’t do it to hurt her.”

    “Stop talking like you know me!” he growled. “I’m not that weak, timid little kid you could push around anymore.”

    “Really? Because you sure haven’t been acting like you’ve changed. You get a second chance to do things right and you’re blowing it. Now, I didn’t have a problem with Darren, he’s a very sweet guy. He isn’t possessive and obsessed like you are. He’s genuine and honest.” 

    “Make your point before I really put you out. I don’t have the energy for your bullshit.” 

“My point is that Darren is a relief from all the crazy s**t happening. He’s the perfect boyfriend, while you’re too much of a coward to open up and let her know the real you, how you feel. And soon enough she’s going to realize that too.”

    “What do you expect me to do? Kidnap her?” 

    “Grow. Some. Balls.” 

    Dylan sighed and rested his face in his hands. Sarina placed a hand on his shoulder and was startled to find that he felt cold. As he raised his face, she noticed that they looked duller than usual. He even looked paler as if he were dying. “Dylan..” She began but he shrugged her away.

    “I want to be alone,” he said. “I need to get some rest.” Sarina hesitated, but gradually let herself out. 

    Dylan sat on his bed. His entire body felt heavy and he was exhausted. He shivered as his body grew chill. This was new. His chest started to ache as if a dagger was slowly being pierced through his heart. He gritted his teeth as he concentrated on enduring the pain. He wished it would go away. He wished...he wished Vanessa was there. He wished she’d pull him onto a hug, stroke his hair and reassure him that he’d be fine. That this was all in his head. He wished this was all a bad dream. If only he could be that lucky.  

    It was Easter afternoon and Vanessa and the other girls had returned from church. Vanessa skipped through the halls, thrilled by the large easter basket she received from the priest. He gave her such a big smile too. She could wait to trade candy with her sisters. Before she could get to her room and change, she was stopped by one of the uncles of the orphanage. His name was Jose. He was often the one who would keep up with events that happened in the orphanage. 

    “Vanessa, you know you shouldn’t run inside. You’ll get hurt.” he warned her. 

    “I’m sorry uncle.” She apologized. “I was going to trade candy with the other girls. We got baskets from church.” She lifted her basket so he could see. He leaned down as if really examining the basket. 

    “Cool, did you tell him thank you?” 

    “Yes, sir.” he patted her head. 

    “That’s a good girl. Good girls get adopted, so continue doing as you're told.” he smiled at her and she smiled back. She stepped to the side to move around him, but he stopped her. “Hold on, Your uncle Tom has come for a visit. You remember him right? You’re not gonna change before he can see how pretty your dress is, right? It’s been so long, he wanted to see how you’ve grown.”

    Vanessa took a moment to recall uncle Tom. He was the father of a neighboring orphanage that she used to visit when she was much younger. She didn’t remember really talking to him, but she did recall how pretty he would tell her she is. She followed her uncle to their greeting room which is used to meet potential adoptive parents. She assumed she’d only be meeting uncle Tom, but was surprised to see 5 other men in the room. Two were her uncles who lived with them. The others were men she’d never seen before. She found herself trying to hide behind her uncle’s leg. 

    “Now Vanessa, you don’t want to look rude in front of your uncle do you?” Jose said.  He stepped aside and pushed Vanessa forward. 

    “He-Hello.” she stammered. They all smiled at her. She also noticed that her older sister was there sitting on one of the men’s lap. She didn’t look happy. Moreso, she looked scared. Vanessa began to ask what was wrong, but her uncle Tom called her name. 

    “Ah, Vanessa, sweetheart, look how you’ve grown. You’ve got so big.” he said. He was an older man, probably in his early 60s. When he smiled, she could see that he didn’t have many teeth. She cringed, but tried her best to not let her disgust show. Father would be disappointed if she misbehaved. “Come closer so I can get a good look at you.” Vanessa made her way closer. “That’s a pretty dress you’re wearing. Where did you get it?”

    “Father gave it to me as a gift for my birthday.” she said. Uncle Tom ran his hand across the dress. Vanessa stepped back bashfully. 

    “No need to be frightened darling. Come sit on my lap.” 

    Vanessa glanced back at her older sister who was now staring at her. Fear spread across her face, but her lips were sealed shut. Vanessa got a sickening feeling that something was wrong. When she didn’t mose Jose placed a hand on her shoulder. 

    “Remember what I said about good girls. You wouldn’t want me to tell Father that you made Uncle Tom feel unwelcomed, do you?” Vanessa’s face dropped and she slowly walked over to sit on Tom’s lap.

    “That’s a good girl.” Tom cooed. “How old are you now?” 

    “I-I’m eight.” she said with a whimper. 

    “Really? You’re almost a fully grown woman. I’m sure you’re gonna mature beautifully.” 

    Vanessa found it hard to concentrate on what he was saying. his breath reeked of butterscotch and whiskey. She couldn’t help noticing that as he spoke, his left hand was slowly rubbing her leg. It made her stomach churn. The other men were staring at her and grinning. All she wanted was to leave this room and run into the comfort of her sisters. 

    “Would you like to come back with me for the night? It’ll be more fun than staying here. I’ll give you lots of sweets and you can stay up as long as you want.” he grinned again and Vanessa could tell he ate way too much candy as a kid. 

    “I’d like to go back to my room now.” Vanessa whimpered, looking at Jose for help. 

    “Come on now, don’t break my heart.” Tom said as he reached to turn her face toward him. Panicked, Vanessa shoved him away, stumbling out of his lap. She turned to Jose with a pleading look and before she knew it, he struck her hard across the cheek. It caused her to fall to the ground. The hit had left a hot burning sting on her cheek. She was shocked. She’d never been hit before, so she didn’t know what to do other than stare back in horror. Jose’s face was livid. As if one cue, Father entered the room and took notice of the situation. Vanessa sat on the floor, tears streeking her face. Tom rose from his seat, scowling at Father. “I would have thought you’d know how to raise a girl with some manners. I’ve never felt more insulted.” Father glanced back at Vanessa and for the first time, she saw him angry at her. 

    “I apologize, Tom. I assure you, the next time you visit, Vanessa will be much more behaved. I guarantee it.” Tom exited the room. As he did, Vanessa was yanked off the floor to her feet.

    “Father, I’m sorry,” Vanessa began, but she was silenced. 

    “Do not speak unless spoken to!” Father demanded. He then whispered to uncle Jose. “10 lashes. Make sure she knows not to disrespect her elders.” Jose nodded and lifted her into his arms. She squirmed and struggled.

    “No! Father! Please! I won’t do it again! I’m sorry!” her pleas were ignored as she was dragged away toward the shed in the backyard. He locked the door behind them so she couldn’t escape. The shed was small, with a small metal bench and a glass window. The walls were covered with foam. Vanessa stood shaking in the middle of the floor. Jose grabbed a wooden paddle from a hold near the bench. There were also other tools on the hold that looked more and more painful. This must be why the older girls were so afraid of Father. 

    “Bend over and pull up your dress.” Jose said. Vanessa whimpered, using her hands to hide her face. 

    “Please uncle. I’ll be a good girl.” 

    “BEND OVER!” He bellowed. “Don’t make me force you.” 

    With shaky hands, Vanessa pulled up her dress, ruffling the new fabric. She slowly turned around. She must have been taking too long because her head was suddenly shoved down so she could bend over the bench. She lay there, whimpering as he pulled down her panties. She shut her eyes tight, but nothing would prepare her for the pain that would come as the wooden paddle met her sensitive skin. She screamed at the top of her lungs and jerked back from the bench, trying to cover her bottom. 

    “Move and that’s five more lashes.” Jose threatened. “Get back over there. Now!” Vanessa sobbed loudly as she slugged over to bend over the bench. The second hit was worse since her bottom had already started to bruise, intensifying the pain. She couldn’t help jerking back again. “That’s it.” he said as he shoved her over the bench and strapped her hands down so she couldn’t move away.

    “NO! PLEASE! STO-AAAGHHH!!!” The strikes came fast and hard. Every nerve in her body was screaming. The pain was too much to bear, she felt she might pass out. Actually, passing out would have been mercy, however, she couldn’t. She screamed in agony, wishing more than anything that something, anything would stop this pain. “AAAGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!”  

    “NO!” Vanessa screamed as she awoke in her bed. Sweat was pouring down her face. Her entire body was shaking and she could still feel every lash on her skin. She hugged her body, tucking her knees close to her chest and cried.