The Rogue Pack Doctor

Chapter 3

I do the only thing I can think of at the moment.

Standing still as a statue, while looking at him in shock. A million thoughts are going through my head, none of them making sense.

Mate? I have the alpha rogue as mate? That can't be. The moon goddess must be playing tricks with me, pranking me. A rogue as mate is the last thing I want. I can't possibly be with a rogue, I mean maybe if the rogue was innocent, but I know this one is far from innocent.

My wolf wants to jump in his arms though, he is so happy he finally found his mate. I don't want to take that from him, but I can't deal with this particular guy right now. I don't want him as a mate. I want a normal sweet guy, not a cold, cruel alpha rogue.

So I do the thing my rational mind comes up with. I run away from him, pulling my hand out of his grip.

I bolt out of the door, pushing people away, clearing a path to the stairway in front of me. If I could just get to my house, I would be safe there and all this nonsense would be over.

But even as I thought that I knew it wasn't true. My wolf is already attached to his mate, he wants him, he wants to run with him, play with him, lick his snout, and eventually mate with him. He is already completely over the moon, he doesn't want to live without him.

But I can't listen to my wolf, he doesn't have the same emotions I do. He would be attracted to him if he killed someone in cold blood. Because it's never the wolves that are cold. They just react on instinct, they don't mean to harm anyone, it's the human that usually f***s things up. And in this case, the human is a rogue, a bad one.

I sprint down the stairs as quickly as I can, trying not to fall down. My feet go faster than ever before, my brain solely focusing on getting out of here.

When I'm finally down the stairs, the outside in sight, I'm almost relieved.

But then a giant form jumps in front of me, making me stop. At first I'm just confused, like what just happened? But then I look up to the face of the form to see a very annoyed looking man with dark blue eyes, staring down at me. Did he just jump down the entire staircase? What is he? Some kind of superwerewolf?

I try to run past him, but he is just too fast for me. Physical activity was never my thing, I'm not really strong or fast.

He grabs my wrist, preventing me to escape. Sparks fly up my arm, lighting the skin on fire where he is touching me. I immediately look down again, trying to think of all the horrible things about him, instead of his beautiful eyes. I know in the back of my mind that I'm judging him without even knowing him, but I can't help it. I've heard things about him and in every rumour there's a bit of truth.

He keeps walking in the direction of a random closed door, probably wanting more privacy. Everyone is looking at us, anticipating what comes next. They know I don't like rogues and that I'm gay so they probably figured out by now what is happening.

I keep fighting him, not wanting to go in a room alone with him. What if he tried something? My body is already reacting to him, even though my mind doesn't like him. He must feel a lot for me too. But he wouldn't do anything against my liking right?

It's no point fighting him though, he is stronger than me.

He casts me another annoyed, now more angry, look. ''Stop it,'' He grits out, obviously losing his patience with me. He uses his alpha voice, showing me that he actually is a natural alpha, which surprises me. I didn't expect him to be a natural alpha. Luckily for me, alpha voice doesn't work on me because I have the pack doctor gift. That means that I can heal people, obviously, but also that power voices, like alpha voice, doesn't work on me because I need to be independent and not easy influenced when healing a patient.

''No!'' I shout, making him look at me in surprise. I bet he never had anyone defy his orders before. ''Let me go!'' I keep struggling. I want to process this on my own, I don't want to deal with this immediately. I need time.

He doesn't let me go though, he drags me in the room, shutting the door behind him. His now angry blue eyes look at me, appearing to go right through me. Even though I can see the anger in his eyes, they're so inhumanly beautiful.

He blocks the door with his body, before letting go of my wrist.

We both stand there looking at each other, neither of us saying a single word. It's like we're both waiting for the other one to speak. I'm not going to speak though, I don't have anything to say to him at the moment.

''Why would you run away from me?'' He finally cracks, his desperation evident in his voice. I can clearly now also see a hint of pain in his eyes, what causes me pain, cause I didn't want to hurt him.

Feelings are so confusing

''Because I need to think.'' I say, trying to calm my whiny wolf down. He keeps wanting to go to his mate to comfort him, but I can't let him.

''But why? We are mates, what is there to think about?'' He says, his black eyebrows scrunched together. His darker complexion and black eyebrows make his dark blue eyes stand out even more. He just looks confused now, like he genuinely didn't understand why I ran away.

"You're the alpha rogue! You must know your reputation." I say, trying to justify my running away to him. He doesn't know about my past, but it's still not that weird that I ran away given his reputation. Maybe he doesn't know about his reputation? Although that would be weird, I feel like a guy like that probably loved being feared by many.

''Of course I know my reputation, but I expected you to get to know me first before making a judgement of me based entirely on gossip that you've heard about me. Just seems a bit hypocritical, don't you think?'' He says, scowling a bit now. Did I offend him? Maybe there's more to him then, if he's not proud of his bad reputation.

I step back a bit, not wanting to be in the crossfire if he happens to be aggressive of something, I rather always have somewhere to flee to. Luckily, behind me is a window, and we're on the first floor now so that is good.

I'm not ready to tell him what happened with my parents, maybe he wouldn't understand. I know it is wrong of me to despise a whole group for the actions of a few, but I can't help it. Rogues have done something in their life to make them rogues, and that something is usually bad.

''Is it true? Have you done the things they say you've done?'' I ask tentatively, not knowing if I want to know the answer to that question. Part of me was hoping that all of those were just rumours all along. I'm not stupid, I know the only chance of true love I have is with him, my one true mate. But what kind of love would that be if I know that he has killed many people?

''I don't know what they're saying about me, but I have killed wolves. I also defied my own alpha, not in the legal way, I stabbed him in the back, not in the literal way, and I freed rogues from cells, fighting some guards in the process, but I try not to kill the guards. I'm not a cold blooded killer. I've only killed rogues that were in my pack that I misjudged. I can't always tell if the rogues I rescue are decent. Really, I'm not that bad, but people just believe what they want.'' He says, finishing his rant.

I really don't know what to think. He makes himself sound not as bad as the stories I've heard about him. Of course I know rumours are exaggerated most of the time, but him saying that he is not a cold blooded murderer still sounds weird. Cause that was the way he was always described.

''How could you do that to your own alpha?'' I ask, it is the one thing he admitted to being true. In a pack you can always challenge the alpha, but it has to be a fair duel, meaning both have no weapons, except their own claws. It also has to start at an official time. It is said that he, I realize now that I don't even know his name, did challenge his alpha but broke these sacred rules.

''It's the thing I regret the most. I am a true alpha, but I should have challenged my alpha fairly, not like I did. But I was a stupid, powerhungry 16 year old kid. I made a stupid decision that f****d up my life for a long time. But I made myself better, I vowed to myself that I would rescue wolves kind of in the same situation as me. My pack isn't evil, they're werewolves that made mistakes and just want a bit more freedom in their pack. So I give that to them.'' He says, his eyes showing honesty. He seems to care about his pack and freeing rogues. It's like he saw another side of them.

I'm just not sure if I can see that side too. In my eyes rogues will always be rogues. They made mistakes and no matter how much they regret those mistakes, they have consequences. And those consequences may have ruined someone else's life.

''I'm sorry, but I just can't forget that you're a rogue. And I also can't change the definition of a rogue in my head. In my head, you're the bad guys. And I know that's very narrow minded of me, but some things happened in the past and I can't just get over that.'' I say, already seeing the hope in his eyes crumbling. I know I'm being unfair to him right now, I'm also being unfair to myself, but I just can't handle this right now.

''I'm very displeased that you see us that way, but I guess that's a thing me and my pack can show you. We're not the bad guys.'' He says, sounding determined to show me that he is good.

''Maybe in time.'' I don't want to reject him. Part of me is already on its way to believing him. Part of me wants to believe him so bad. I've been waiting for my mate, I've wanted a mate for so long, I was always afraid I wouldn't have one. Now that I found him, a part of me is happy. Especially my wolf is ecstatic that he found his other half and I know I would lose him if I reject his mate, which is a thing I can't let happen.

I have to find a way to be at peace with this new found mate. I just don't know how or even if I can do it. My two sides are in a disagreement and it's so hard to think clearly through the fight that's going on in my head.

''For now, I just need time. I need time to think about this, to process this in my own house, on my own terms. So please, stay here for the night, don't leave yet.'' I don't know why I added that last part, I want him to leave. But I also don't want him to leave. I can feel the pull from the mate bond clearly. But I know I need time alone to think this through.

''Alright, me and my beta will stay here, the rest has to go back to the pack. I can't stay for too long though, so it would be nice if we could talk tomorrow.'' He says, putting his hand in his black hair, pulling it a bit. It's obvious this situation is making him stressed too.

''Alright, I'll come back here tomorrow and we can talk more.'' I just hope I've made some sort of decision then. I know that I won't reject him, even if that's what my first reaction was. I now know that there's more to him, and I know that rejecting him is not a real option, I would lose too many things.

I walk towards the door, that he is no longer blocking, to make my way out of the house. His voice stops me though.

''Oliver?'' Butterflies erupt in my stomach at the sound of my name rolling of his tongue. His deep voice makes me have goose bumps all over. Damn it, why does he have so much effect on my body already?

I turn back around, facing him. ''Can I please have a hug?'' His voice sounds surprisingly shy. His normally intimidating body language now more vulnerable. He seems uncomfortable with the level of vulnerability he is showing too.

I want to say no, I really do. I'm sure I can't think straight when his scent is surrounding me, but somehow my feet are already moving in his direction, not listening to anything my brain is telling them. Before I know it, my arms are around his waist, my face snuggling in his shoulder. His delicious scent surrounding me, making me and my wolf calm and relaxed. It's feels like I'm coming home after being away for a long time. His scent is so welcoming.

His arms go around my upper back, holding me tightly in place. I now notice that he's quite a bit taller than me, he seems about 6'4. I don't mind though, it only makes hugging him better. He is also quite well build, I can feel his back muscles underneath my fingertips.

I finally regain focus and pull away. Now that I know how good it feels to be held by him, I know I can't possibly stay away from him for too long. But I need my alone time now. I need to talk to someone about this.

I turn around and walk to the door, walking out of the house without looking back at him, even though my wolf is begging me to go back to him and hug him some more.

It's then that I realize that I still don't know his name.