Rename the White and Black

CHAPTER VI – I CAN’T DO THIS

I did not expect what was happening to my life and why was this happening to me. When I transferred here at Clifford Frances University, there were many changes and may be, I could not ran away to this marriage. I never imagined what would happened in the future and I did not know what would happen to us after marriage. May be, I should not think of it anyway. It was still early to think of it.

Five days were gone and I think our relationship had improved. May be, Lolo Adolfo would not suspect us in our relationship. I did not know the reason why Kai accepted my favor to pretend like we were couples. No matter what was his reason, I would be grateful to him for accepting my favor.

“Sae, what are you thinking?” Haji asked me curiously looking at me; drinking his winter melon milktea. We were at our favorite café and he was now busy munching his nachos and fries.

“I am wondering why Kai accepted my favor to pretend like we are couples,” I seriously said, looking down at the nachos that he was eating. He gobbled his food and drank a little from his winter melon milktea.

“May be, he has a pity on you?” he questioned, I did not respond and looked at the window of the milktea shop. I saw Kai from a short distance and when our eyes met, he looked away. My stomach began to feel the fluttering butterflies.

“Wait, is that Kai, right? What is he doing here?” he asked me as his brows met. He was looking at him the same as me. I slightly felt nervous and I did not know how to react as he entered the milktea shop. I was stunned with his presence watching him at the counter.

He ordered an iced coffee with barbeque flavored fries. He came near to us and sat beside me. I did not know how to describe what Haji looked like because Kai sat beside me. I began to feel uncomfortable as I heard him breathing.

“It is okay to sit beside my future wife, right?” he asked Haji and I blushed. It sounded like a creepy one. I felt being nervous at this moment, my knees began to tremble and I limited my actions as he sat next to me. I was watching him using my peripheral vision.

“Yes, of course,” Haji answered and he looked away; showing that he was shy with Kai’s presence.

“Who are you again?” Kai asked Haji and he introduced himself joyfully. They shook their hands and their furious eyes met saying something. It was like I felt bad at it.

After a minute, the waitress put down the foods and drink that Kai had ordered. When she came back at the counter, I heard her with the cashier whispering something.

“Oh my! You came near to him,” the cashier said happily; seeing them jumping happily made me irritable.

“Yea, but he likes that dark skinned girl,” the waitress said sadly.

“Don’t mind it. May be, you can take his handsome man from her?” said the cashier and they were laughing. I uncomfortably moved a space between us because I was totally pissed off.

“It’s not like that. You’re too bad.” She pushed the cashier and they giggled again.

I was surprised as Kai moved closer and put his arm to my shoulder while eating his fries and then, gave me another strip of fries. I accepted it and Haji was surprised to his actions. Kai took a sip on his milktea while Haji put his earphones on his ears. I know that he lost his interest when he saw Kai put the strip of fries in my mouth.

“So, why are you two here?” Kai asked us. It seemed like he was thinking that Haji was my boyfriend. I smiled secretly as I felt him getting jealous at us.

“We’re just having a bonding together,” Haji calmly said. He was sipping his wintermelon milktea, he got some nachos and gobbled it.

It felt like the atmosphere was becaming hot so, I finished my chocolate milktea and fries because they were chatting for almost fifteen minutes. After I ate, I decided to leave first because I should go to the grocery store. I stood up saying goodbyes to them and turning my back at them but Kai stopped me.

“Sae, I’ll be with you,” they said while they were holding my arms. I looked at them and I saw how Kai blushed again and may be, it was because of holding my arm.

“No. I’ll do it on my own.” I removed their hands on me. I started walking to the grocery store, but after a minute, they were after me and I have nothing to do, so I let them to be with me. I got some biscuits, milk and chocolate drinks, crackers and coffee. I almost forgot the important thing, the sanitary napkins. It was the last thing on my list to buy.

“I need sanitary napkins but I was shy to get some,” I said shyly and I saw how Kai blushed, they raced to get me some napkins and they gave it to me. I giggled as they handed it over to me at the same time. I stopped giggling when I noticed that few people were watching us.

“You’re blushing, Kai.” Haji was teasing him and smiled playfully at me.

“No, I’m not blushing,” Kai lied and I smiled secretly.

“Seriously, you’re not blushing? Look at this,” Haji said and took a picture of Kai’s red face. Kai was surprised to what Haji did, he frowned and followed me to the counter. I felt happy inside because they looked like brothers teasing each other. It was my first time to see Kai annoyed like that.

After having a grocery with them, Haji invited us to an arcade and I remembered what Kai did to me last time we went there so, I thought of an alibi. I invited them to Jollibee because I was hungry and they both agreed. I ordered a bucket of chicken joy, six cups of rice, three glasses of coke, three sundaes and fries.

“Wait, you’re too hungry, Sae. You have a lot of foods.” Haji giggled and we sat near a cool place. Kai and I sat opposite to Haji as Kai helped me to brought the food on the table. “Wow! I smell something fishy.” Haji giggled and Kai looked at him with his furious eyes. He stopped giggling and he invited us to eat and he grabbed a chicken to his plate.

“So, when is the date of your wedding?” Haji asked that made us surprised. I put down my spoon, giving him a signal that we should not talk about it. I even kicked his foot that made him stopped from munching his food.

“It depends on the decision of Lolo Adolfo as long as Lolo Emman is still alive,” Kai answered and he started to bit his chicken. I put many gravies on my rice and started to eat the chicken.

“It’s gluttony, Sae.” Haji smiled and I stopped eating the chicken.

“I am not voracious,” I said against him, pouting my lips and made him laughed a little.

“She was just stressed,” Kai said while gobbling his food, looking at Haji furiously and there was something in his eyes that I could not explain.

“After your wedding, how will be your honeymoon?” Haji giggled. Kai and I were almost choked as we heard him. I did not expect him to ask such a question like that and I really wanted to push him away. Honeymoon was not on my mind yet, because we were still young. “Well, it’s impossible that it is only just for a wedding that Lolo Emman wanted both of you to grant,” he added and we blushed. My sweats were all around my body and my heart beats rapidly. I was uncomfortable on what he said and I kicked his leg. He bit his lower lip controlling his mouth not to say “ouch!”.

The atmosphere remained silent as he questioned us about that thing. May be, our grandfathers would not demand us to have a baby because I already know that Kai would file an annulment after a year but I did not know why I felt hurt in my heart.

Haji decided to go home after eating with us. I thanked him and I gave him a hug for a goodbye. Kai and I walked to the car. I wanted to sat at the passenger seat but he stopped me. He made me sat next to him.

“Are you sure, Kai?” I asked as I watched him on his seat putting his seatbelt. I noticed that he was blushing and rest his head then, he drove.

I think about it until we got home because Haji was right and may be, our grandfathers really planned this before. May be, they wanted to see their grandson and granddaughter to get married. Erase, erase! It was too early for that thing.

I changed my clothes and brushed my teeth then, I laid to my bed. I was surprised at Kai because he lifted me up and laid me down to his bed. He was looking at my eyes seriously. He remained silent as he turned his back at me, drying his hair with a short towel.

I wonder if I did not choose to transfer here, what would my grandfather do? May be, he would force me to Kai without knowing him well. He was not a kind of a womanizer or a playboy and I was grateful for that. He was just a silent type of guy that would make your heart beat rapidly. I wonder what he was thinking because he never said what he felt. He never opened everything he had in his life or even in his past. It made me curious about him.

He laid beside me and I was looking at his back. I came near to him an inch and I smelled his favorite perfume that made me smile. I wanted to hug him but I know I could not because he would just ignore me. I was surprised when he turned in front of me, seeing his face an inch closer to me. I could feel his hot breaths on my face. His eyes were closed while I was watching him sleeping.

I made a noise, trying to wake him up but he did not respond. I caressed his hair and I saw his handsome face again. He looked like an angel or a model. His skin on his face was soft. I traced from his forehead down to his nose and to his rosy lips. It was shiny and kissable. I brushed my finger to his lips and he smiled. He held my hand, smelled it and put around his waist. It was really an awkward position. Tell me that this was not happening. What would I do? I really did not mean it.

He opened his eyes and cupped my face. I felt the current through his hand to my face. My heart kept beating for him. What would he do? This was an unforgettable feeling with him. He put his hand on my back and hugged me.

“Sorry, I can’t do this,” he whispered and went out of the bed.

What was he trying to do? He was weird lately and I could not explain why he was acting like that. I think he was not ready for a relationship. My heart was hurt a bit but I managed to turn it away. I did not want to get hurt. Just forget it and everything would be okay.

Please, don’t fall in love with him, Sae.

It was a promise to myself.