Rename the White and Black

CHAPTER VII - THINK OF IT

I woke up at six in the morning and he was not here beside me. He came out of the bathroom with his towel on his waist. He was drying his hair using a short towel, looking at me shyly and I did not know how would I see him at his image. I went out of the bed and I prepared my things for a bath instead of looking at him for so long.

He came near at me and he had not changed yet, as usual, looking at his blushing face made me look away. I became irritated at him and I tried to walk away but he held my shoulders and I was moved backward to the wall. I felt the wall at my back and I pushed him but I did not have the strength to avoid him.

“Kai, put on your clothes, please,” I pleaded, closing my eyes and he smirked. What was he thinking of and did not care about my feelings? It was my first time to see a man half n***d in front of me. It was awkward to see him like this. I slowly opened my eyes, showing that I was not affected by his half n***d body even he had six pack of abs that made me feel uncomfortable.

“No, I don’t.” He smiled playfully and looked at my lips. “Tomorrow will be our engagement party. Are you ready, Sae? Think of it. It is your chance to get rid of this fake relationship,” he said seriously.

I shook my head and pushed him with my full strength. I felt hurt on what he said. Was he playing about my feelings? Ah, I know it! He was not really interested to me. Why did he allow us to make this fake relationship? Why did he make me feel that I was liked by him? Why I felt his feelings and actions were true?

“I will do it for Lolo Emman,” I said courageously, he came near at me and touched my cheek. What was he doing to me? He was playing with my feelings then, I would show him what would be the end of this.

“Are you sure? Even your forever happiness would be its exchange?” he seriously said.

What was he trying to say? I could not understand him. I looked at his gloomy eyes. It made me hurt while seeing him suffering like this. I would make sure that I would not fall in love with him. I would not let myself being hurt because of him. I would not let myself to be a burden.

“You will file for an annulment, right?” I asked and he remained silent. He looked at my eyes deeply, thinking that it was his hobby to allure me with his actions but still, I felt secured with him.

“Yes, but what if Lolo Adolfo refused to my plan?” he seriously asked and there was no voice coming out from me. I was stunned at my place. What if Lolo Adolfo refused and still forced us to marriage? What should we do?

“Let’s continue it,” I answered, seeing him smile then, he freed his small laugh that made my heart hurt. Did he just insult me? What was I told him a while ago? Let’s continue it?

“How about they wanted us to have a baby?” he added. My knees trembled while he looked at my eyes furiously.

I did not know how to answer his question because it was too insensitive. I know that I was not ready for that thing. I would not let him be the father of my children if he would just do this to me repeatedly because I wanted my children to be happy with the man I love.

“See, you didn’t respond? What was your real decision? Did you understand our situation? We’ll get married at this young age.” He almost panicked. I pushed him hard and accidentally dropped my things.

“Kai, I don’t know what’s running in your mind. I know I have dark skin and I am ugly. I know that I am not the perfect girl for you because you are handsome. Is that what you think?” I answered and my tears began to burst down on my cheeks. “I know that you hate me because I made your life miserable. I’m sorry but I love Lolo Emman. I really need to do this.” I sobbed, picked up my clothes and my pouch. Before I enter the bathroom without looking at his face, I added, “If you don’t really like me, why don’t you just leave me? You’re just only having a pity on me, right?” I banged the door shut.

I was hurting deeply inside. I felt something that was stabbing my chest. I could not help myself but cry so hard. I felt like nobody would love me the way I was. What was their ideal girl? Beautiful. Fair skinned. Clever. What else, a perfect girl? I did not intend to make it happen with our lives. Did he think I like it? No. He was wrong. I did not want to be married too. I have my dreams first to fulfill and I wanted it to become true.

I heard him stomping his feet behind the door and I finished everything quickly. I went to the kitchen and pretend that nothing had happened. I noticed him going out and I ate alone again. I started to clean the house and washed my clothes. After all, I sat on the couch and watched a movie marathon. I was eating my baked cookies while watching a sad movie. I really cried not because of the movie, it was because of Kai, who made me hurt even more.

12nn. I woke up, cooked again and I waited for Kai to get back but he did not return at home. I was worried where he was but I ignored my emotions and I just made my assignments and reviewer for the quizzes.

4:45pm. I fell asleep again while doing my things. I woke up at 5:00pm and I remembered to prepare for a dinner. After I cooked, I was watching the time and he have not returned home. What was I doing? I was almost looked like a wife. No! Erase, erase! Avoid thinking like that! I was really pissed off because of him.

I did not eat my dinner yet and I stayed at the dining table to watch funniest videos ever on youtube that made me laugh out loud. It was already 7:15pm and he was not still at home. I became worried to him and may be, he was thinking about what I said. It made me sad when he was not at home but what was this feelings for him? He hurt me but still, I wait for him for a dinner. I pouted my lips and put my earphones in my ears.

9:00pm. I was still up at our dining table and I felt my sleepy eyes dropping and let my sleepiness invade my system. I was really tired, my body was aching and my stomach remained grumbling.

11:25pm. I woke up and I saw a blanket on my shoulders. I looked in front of me and he was looking at me with a tinge red of face. Why was he always blushing whenever he saw me? I wonder how he thought of me while he was blushing.

“It’s too late. Why aren’t you sleeping on bed?” I asked and looked at his face. I became calm as I knew he returned home. My worries turned into tenderness.

“Why are you still up here? Have you eaten your dinner?” he questioned me back and my system came back. I should not be sweet at him.

“I waited for you because I wanted you to join me,” I said unconsciously and my eyes circled. What did I say? I covered my mouth. How uncareful I was. It made me feel uncomfortable as his face was serious.

“What?” He was smirking.

“Nothing,” I lied. I shook my head and avoided his eyes to met mine.

“You waited me to come home to join you in a dinner?” He smirked again and I felt blushing. What would he think of what I said? I should make him feel that I was not interested too.

“Nothing, I just said that I was watching funny videos and I did not notice that I fell asleep here.” I hissed. He smiled playfully, making me tremble and I think that he would say something bad.

“Why did you prepare for two?” he asked and I thought of an alibi quickly.

“I waited for Haji. I thought that he would have his dinner here,” I said smiling wryly. He smirked and he served our dinner. I watched him while he was eating his food. Why was he acting like this? Sometimes, he was tender and sometimes, he was stuck and emotionless.

“Don’t you like to eat? It’s delicious. Do you like me to feed you?” he seriously said that made me blinked few times. What? Did I hear him say it?

“No, I didn’t.” He really pissed me. I ate my dinner and after all, he washed the dishes. This was the first time I saw him like this. What made him changed? Oh, no! This was not true. It was his technique to deceive me and I would not let myself to be hurt again.

I went to the bathroom to take a shower. I put on my pyjamas and dried my hair. He came near to me, making my face close to him and he was like studying my facial features. I began to tremble at his furious eyes.

“Wait, what will you do?” I shivered and I smelled mint on his breath. He looked at my lips and my brows met. What would this man do? He was really weird. I was frightened to what actions he might think to do.

“What if I kiss you tonight?” he asked while he moved closer to my face. I closed my eyes and I felt that no lips brushed my lips. I slowly opened my eyes and he was likely amused to my face while smirking. What was his trip? I pushed him away but he pulled me to his chest and kissed my hair. What did it mean?

“What are you doing?” I asked fearfully.

My knees trembled, butterflies were fluttering around my stomach as he leveled his face to me and he was blushing. I tried pushing him away but he pulled me and accidentally, we both fell to the bed. I was on top of him and he turned himself to my top. I felt his breathing that made my heart raced rapidly. I stopped myself from breathing. I wish he could not hear the beatings of my heart.

“Just think of it, Sae. Good night,” he said smiling and looking at my eyes. What did he mean? Just think of it? I really did not understand what he was saying. He got up and he went to the bathroom.

I laid on my bed and put my blanket above my head. I felt hot after what happened and my sweats were all over my face, neck and upper body. I heard his steps and he stopped at my side. I closed my eyes as he moved closer at me, removing my blanket and I felt him watching me closely to my face. I felt his warmth as he carried me and put me on his bed. Why was he doing this to me? Weird.

May be, he thought of r****g me this night? I moved away from him, making him feel that I was really sleeping and I moved sideward. I was always shy whenever he was close like this at me. He pulled me closer to him and hugged me from my back. I felt his arm to my stomach that made me feel the butterflies again. It was really uncomfortable position with him.

After a second, I felt his face more close to my head and I felt his warm breathing. It almost tickled me when he moved his face to my neck. I could not sleep with this awkward position. I waited for an hour to move a little, facing him and hugged him back. He would not know it because I know that he was already fell asleep.