Compelled

Kenna

Kenna

OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGod.

I just slept with Nicholas. My best friend’s (basically sister) favorite cousin. The one that she is the most protective of. The one that she has lost so many friends over.

We. Just. Had. s*x. And I left him in my bed.

I’m all but running down the block with no destination in mind. I toy with the idea of going to Paulie and Stacey’s house, but I’m not sure that I will be able to keep this to myself. For all they know, Nicholas and I hate each other. How am I supposed to explain The S-E-X?

Fuck, it was good too. So effin’ good.

Last night when he showed up at my house, I was ready to pull out some ninja moves and throat-punch him. Not only had he been nasty to me the few times that we crossed paths, but he’d humiliated me in front of the family. I’m not one to lose my cool, but when some asshole whom you barely know accuses you of being some low-rent, washed up porn star, what would you do? He’d been after me from day one, but he drove the knife in deep last night. I threw every scrap of food that I could reach at his stupid, perfect face, cursed him to the end of time, and then ran out of the house.

Bravo, Kenna.

But I had been wrong. He wasn’t looking to finish the job and bury me in my backyard. He had come over to apologize. His Uncle Charles had laid him out over his behavior, and he decided that he wanted to make peace. It took a lot for him to say he was sorry-his ego matched the size of his d**k if you know what I mean- but he was heartfelt and genuinely remorseful, so I let him in.

Bad idea.

We hung out like two old friends, drinking beer, watching movies and playing ConnectFour. I beat his butt a few games in a row and then we watched Star Wars. If (and this is a big if), this had been a date, it would have been perfect. But it wasn’t. It was just supposed to be two people getting past their differences and looking for common ground. I vaguely remember falling asleep, him tucking me into bed and asking him to stay with me. My stomach twists up in embarrassment. It has been a long, LONG time since I’ve had someone in my bed, and it’s been never since someone has tucked me in. His large, warm body curled around me, and I fell into a deep sleep.

The next thing I knew, he was shaking me awake, concerned that I was having a nightmare. Like the i***t I am, I blurted out that I was dreaming about him touching me all over and then-bam! The s*x happened. The most amazing, soul-shaking, v****a busting s*x— ever. He woke me up a few hours later, and we did it again. Just thinking about the sounds that he was able to pull out of me is making my face burn up. While he fell asleep, I lay awake, thinking about all the ways that this could screw up everything for both of us, the biggest threat being Felice’s reaction. The two of them were closer than close, and she had years of bad experiences with scammy society hoes using her to get to Nicholas. Her best friend from childhood had been engaged to Nicholas, and they had a beyond lousy break-up. Felice not only lost her friend but her cousin for years, after he left town to save face. He had just only home a few months, and the happiness that was radiating from the entire Grant family was blinding. The only thing marring his homecoming was the instant hatred we had for each other, but that had been solved last night. A few times.

There are precious few people out, even though it’s Monday morning. Thanksgiving is this week, and most people leave the city for family in the ‘burbs. I absently wave at an old couple with two corgis that I see periodically in the neighborhood and speed up so that I don’t have to chat. I feel like I have a giant scarlet letter plastered on my forehead. The Grants gave me a family when I didn’t know that I needed or even wanted one. They treat me as if I am a true relative and how do I repay them? By acting like all those other women, who buttered up to Felice and Grey for a crack at the billionaire heir to the throne. I had been horrified when Felice told me about the times that her friends from high school and college pretended to like her when they were scrambling to get into Nicholas’ bed. And in all his arrogant glory, he never turned them down, unthinkingly hurting his beloved cousin and eroding her belief in true friendship. The stories I had heard about him made me wish I had a lock of his hair to make the world’s most-stabbed voodoo doll. He sounded like the worst of the worst- a rich, entitled playboy, with no regard for anyone but himself and his p***s. I told her that I didn’t care how much money he had, I was gonna knee him upon first meeting.

When I first saw him, I thought he was the blind date that Felice’s mom Grey had set up for me. I honestly thought about dropping to my knees and screeching a prayer to the heavens. There was no denying the physical perfection that was Nicholas- well over six feet tall, with a ridiculously muscular frame and that face. Jesus. Green, dark eyes, supple lips and a scar that stopped him from being pretty, instead catapulting him into straight sexy. My lady parts sat up and started cheering before it all came crashing down. He turned out to be the asshole I thought he was, and we declared a silent war shortly after. Fast forward to last night and The s*x.

My feelings are all over the place. I vaguely hear cars honking at me as I cross another street. When I sped away from the Grants house last night, I was mentally putting together a plan to leave town. I packed up a few things and just sat on my bedroom floor crying until he knocked on the door and asked me to forgive him. I went from anger and despair to trepidation and hope. It’s too much for me to handle.

My feet are starting to hurt, and I look up and see that I have walked all the way down to the zoo. There is a light snow falling, and a couple of brave souls are desperately trying to jog through the park without slipping. I sigh deeply, my lungs burning from the cold and tilt my head back. The teasing wetness coats my face, and I let it wash away the all-consuming panic that has been chasing me since I ran out of my house. What do I do? I can’t tell anyone that after my award-winning psycho performance last night, I turned around and played P in the V with my archenemy. I don’t think that would go over well at all. My mind flashes back to Nicholas’ suspicious eyes, demanding to know what I was doing with his family, thinking that I was after their money. I snort, my breath clouding in front of me. I’ve got plenty of money of my own, thank you very much. But if there is one lesson I’ve learned from after all these years around rich people, it’s that you can never be rich enough. It is a never-ending game, who can acquire the most, marry the most, steal the most. What if they think that about me?

I begin to pace in front of an empty fountain. Charles is well aware of my financial status. He knows that I would have absolutely no reason to latch onto a guy for money. We met by chance, Charles and I, and I had no idea who he was, or who his family was. Even after he told me that he was part of the Grant Family of Chicago, I drew a blank. That kind of stuff is not part of my life, in any way. It wasn’t until I moved here, that I realized that the Grants are American royalty. I loved them anyway, and they drew me in with their warmth and trust. They never gave up on me, even when I gave them the emotional side-eye. I finally realized that they loved me, warts and all, and I allowed myself to love them right back. Now because I have no self-control, I might lose them. My pacing speeds up.

There are a whole lot of thirsty bitches running around that would do anything to marry into this family, and I have been clear that I’m not looking for a relationship with anyone. I barely date, and wind up scaring most guys I meet off. There is no way they would think anything else, right?

The snow is coming down harder, and I realize that I threw on the wrong coat for this weather. I also notice that I have on two different boots and pajama pants. My hair is a wet mop of black curls sticking to my face and shoulders.

I’m a damn mess.

I’ve only got one course of action. I’ve got to get back to my house and convince Nicholas that what happened last night, never happened and can never happen again. He and I can go on like pals and forget that we ever saw each other naked. I swallow convulsively. I am the worse liar on the planet. I wear all of my feelings on my face like a flashing billboard. I can’t continue to avoid him when we’ve supposedly called a truce. The family will be watching us like hawks to make sure we don’t spontaneously start trying to Mortal Kombat each other. Ugh, this is gonna suck, big time. I’m sure that he has no interest in anything past a roll in the sack, so it shouldn’t be too hard to get him to agree to my weak-ass plan.

I turn out of the park and head in the direction of my house, the reverse walk of shame. The cold is creeping up my legs, and I walk faster. I’ll make him some breakfast, tell him that the night before was a mistake, shake his hand, and kick his beautiful ass right out of my house.

Easy, right?