Forever His

CH 1 - Luella

Riverliegh

He was sitting across from me, his drink in hand, swirling it and staring at it contently. He took a large sip and set it down on the counter. The ice cubes clinked against the side of the glass as the amber liquid sloshed and dripped over. His body was covered in tattoos peeking through the collar and sleeves of his black dress shirt, his eyes gazing into mine, causing my breath to hitch and my heart to skip a beat. They were electric blue, and they were getting closer. The smile on his face was warm and inviting, letting me know he was friendly despite his intimidating body. A few scars decorated his face, and he wore his hair messily tossed to one side with a few strands hanging on his forehead. He held out his hand for me to take, and as soon as I felt his hand touch mine, I was jolted from my dream.

Some nights I dream of him, completely entranced. It had been a long time since I had seen him, but he always came to me as I slept when I needed comfort. I don't know who this man is. I've never met him outside my dreams, and I try not to think about him too much. However, today made me feel as if one day I could meet him. After all, dreams are a projection of reality.

My fingers danced along with the black metallic coffin. The one that held my dear Aunt Luella. My heart is heavy, and everyone else is in the same pain. But deep down we all knew this day was coming, it was a miracle she made it this far. Her closest friends knew she would live long enough for me to grow up, but not a long time after that.

Luella had been going through a terrible depression, something she had had as long as I knew her. She always had a grace about how she did things. Always solemn and graceful, always calculating her moves. It was as if she lived in slow motion. Luella would bake her pies and desserts, and that was when she was the happiest. Everyone got to taste a little bit of that happiness when I'd take the desserts to the local diner and sell them for extra income.

Every Monday morning, Luella would make her pie crusts to prepare for the week ahead. She would knead the dough with her hands as she couldn't afford a fancy mixer. Every morning, she would knead and mix and bake with her aging hands as she hummed the same song over and over. I would give anything to sit at the counter and listen to her hum "You Are My Sunshine" just one more time. At least in those moments, I could pretend she was truly happy.

The entire time I knew her, Luella had been mute, never speaking a word. Instead, she would grab the notepad she kept in her apron pocket and write whatever she needed to say. Most of the time, though, I already knew what she needed or was thinking. It was like we had our own secret language.

Luella would eye the fridge and pause for a moment, and I knew she needed something. Usually she needed eggs. She was always forgetting to grab the eggs. Other times, after a horrible day at school, it was like she knew the second I walked through the door. She would grab the hot cocoa and set it in front of me while patting my hand gently to let me know she was listening.

I could feel a warmth behind me towering over my head, breaking me out of my trance. "Riverliegh, how are you doing dear?" Mr. Dixon spoke to me softly. His eyes were still glossy from the eulogy that I gave. How I was ever able to give a speech about her life and not break down in sobs, I'll never know.

"I'm fine, Mr. Dixon." I smiled to let him know I would be okay. "I'm just taking my time, to you know.... say goodbye properly." He nodded and put his arm around my shoulder. Mr. Dixon gave me a squeeze and looked down at me, but I couldn't bear to look up at him. I knew I would cry with the tears welling up in my eyes, threatening to fall.

"I'm so sorry to rush you, but everyone is waiting at the grave site. How about we walk down together, hmm?" I nodded my head as he led me out while a couple of Luella's old friends grabbed the casket to carry her down. Reaching the grave site, it all started to sink in, and I couldn't hold the tears in anymore. One tear ran down my cheek, and suddenly my face was wet with my salty tears. As my dear Aunt Luella was lowered into the ground, I put my hand over my mouth to muffle my sobs. Mr. Dixon pulled me closer to him and let me cry on his chest, not caring if I covered his dress shirt in my tears.

"How about you stay with us one more night? Being in that house alone right now can be depressing." Mr. Dixon rubbed small circles on my back encouragingly, while Mrs. Dixon walked up and grabbed my hand and rubbed circles on my wrist.

"I don't want to put you out any more than I already have. I'm honestly fine going back now. Y'all have been so kind to me, and I couldn't honestly ask for more." I tried to blink back more tears, knowing my heart would break once more if I let any more tears fall.

"Nonsense Riverliegh. We've watched you grow up into a beautiful woman, you've worked at our diner since you were a kid. You're nothing less than a daughter to us." I smiled at Mrs. Dixon, "One more night wouldn't hurt, I suppose."

I drop to my knees, kiss my fingertips and touch the soil and say one more goodbye. I grabbed the dark rose that I took off the top of the coffin, and I got back on my feet. I'll take the rose home and put it between some books to dry and put it in my flower scrapbook. Since Luella had passed, I've been slowly packing up her things. I couldn't bear to look at them any longer, knowing that she wouldn't be there anymore.

We both lived with the bare minimum, not craving the latest technology, the newest clothes, and we didn't decorate our house much either. I always went to school during the day, and I started working nights at the diner when I was just 11 years old. We enjoyed each other's company, and that was enough for us. I loved being with Luella, but I also knew she was missing something in her life, something that I wasn't able to give her. And that was just enough to keep her as depressed as she was.

I don't know Luella's entire story, only what I heard from the locals. Even then, there was limited information given to me. Luella was supposedly attacked by wolves on the outskirts of town while she was camping with her husband. Loving the outdoors, they went camping every weekend. People often joked about building them a cabin in the middle of the woods, so they could live off-grid.

After the attack, Luella was in a coma for 3 months while she healed. Head wounds, scratches, bites, and broken bones. But the worst was the gash that went across her neck, severing her vocal cords in the process. After she woke, she tried to speak, but no sound would escape her lips. Nursed had to calm her and explain the damage that was done. Doctors said when she woke all she wanted was her dear husband, Derek. As the doctors and nurses sat with her and told her what happened, she lost it. Nobody could even hear her sobs as she sat in silence with tears streaming down her face. There were even rumors that her tears were bloody, begging for Derek.

I sighed as I turned and started to slowly walk away from Luella, the knot in my stomach getting tighter with each step I took away from her. Luella was the only family I had ever known. How am I ever going to move on and find a life for myself? I don't even know who I am. I've spent most of my life going to school, working to help pay the bills, and taking care of Luella. Nobody wanted to take an 11-year-old girl seriously until Mr. and Mrs. Dixon.

The Dixon family took me into their diner and taught me everything I know. I was a waitress, busser, dishwasher, baker, cook, and the list goes on and on. I was so grateful to them, they taught me things that I knew Aunt Luella couldn't. Once I turned 18, though, the depression took a major toll on her body. It was almost like she was starting to realize I wouldn't need her soon, and she started to give up.

She had a hard time just living every day. Once I turned 18 and had graduated from high school, I officially became her caregiver. I would work during breakfast, lunch and dinner rushes, and sometimes even late evenings. In between, I would run home and make sure Luella was clean, fed, and clothed. Every day, I would find her baking her pies getting lost in the same dull pattern. Over time, she started to lose interest in even baking and instead would lie on the couch and stare off into space.

Many people from town told me that I was her only will to live, that I gave her hope in a time of darkness. She loved Derek so deeply, she was on the brink of giving up on life, until I showed up at her door. Now that I am an adult, she realized I could take care of myself and didn't need her anymore. And that was when she finally gave up.

Every time I saw Luella, I would smile at her. She would try to reciprocate, but as days turned into weeks, months, and years, she could no longer return a smile that was not forced. She became so lost and spaced out in her own little world. I would often find her holding a picture of her and Derek on their wedding day as silent tears filled her eyes.

Mrs. Dixon tugged on my hand, and we started to walk towards their car. The whole drive back to their house, I zoned out. I don't even remember Mrs. Dixon walking me upstairs to the bedroom. I snapped out of it as she kissed my cheek covered in tears and makeup before turning and walking out the door. The brief smile on her lips assured me that everything would be alright. I knew this was true. Deep down in my heart, I knew Luella was with Derek, and they were finally together again.

At that moment, I decided I would no longer cry. I should have tears of joy instead, she's where she wanted to be for so long. In the arms of her beloved Derek.

Do I want love that deep? Would I want a soulmate to love and cherish? Of course, I would, but what if one day they were no longer here? Being left alone on Earth to move on, but with part of your soul dying along with your love? Could you even be considered a person at that point?

Yes, I would want a love like that, to have someone to love as deep as Luella loved Derek. I remember Luella showing me pictures of her and Derek. She would smile and laugh silently while I watched her in awe. She was remembering the good times, and I always wished I could hear those memories. Her eyes would always twinkle when I said his name, and her face would light up.

She once wrote to me, "Riverliegh, find your love, your one and only. He will give you butterflies, and his touch will ignite your soul. You will both be drawn to each other, and only then will you realize what you have been missing. I would do it all over again."

I only hope to have loved this deep one day, even though the thought of losing my love scares me. Luella never once looked at another man, she only ever thought of Derek.

I've always believed in soulmates, the one perfect person made just for you. Luella instilled that in me from day one. If that was all I took from Luella's countless life lessons, I think I would be happy.

I was always a sucker for romance novels and had quite the collection. I had my few favorites, the ones where they both knew they were meant to be together. The inhibition they had, the inclination their souls would fight to find each other, so they could become one.

I sighed as I looked out the bedroom window. The sun had long set, and the stars were appearing slowly in the sky. I wonder if somewhere, my soulmate is out there looking for me. I know I hadn't been, I was taking care of Luella. But maybe it was time to pack my things and find somewhere new. I know my soulmate isn't here, not in this town.

I played down on the bed, turned to my side and pulled the blanket up under my chin. I put my arm under the pillow and started to drift off into a dream. A dream where maybe one day I could find my soulmate. And maybe, just maybe, it would be the man in my dreams.