Dairy of a psychopath

Good things and new beginnings

My eyes were in shock right now,  the jewelries I was seeing were amazing and i couldn't believe it was all mine. 

Mama looked at me in awe, this is really beautiful, I really liked them and it was obvious because of the huge grin on my face. 

Amal turned to look at me and said "you have to see the kit, your cosmetics is no joke" I smiled replying with " look for something you really like and take it" amal was so happy she grabbed a Jimmy chou hand bang and threw it over her shoulder. " because you insisted I'm taking this"  I laugh at her expression. 

///:::::////

The more the wedding date drew closer the more I wanted to run away from it, call me ungrateful but I was really scared of the whole arrangement. I felt like time was moving too fast and I couldn't stop it, it is already 2 months to the wedding and it felt like 2 days to it. My mom was actually really excited so I didn't want to ruin the fun for It was a month to the wedding and I felt like it was all a dream, amal came over cause she told she had something important to tell me. i sat there waiting for her to say it but she looked so nervous. i gave her a reassuring smile before she started talking ...

"you remember when I told you that I didn't have any idea what ya haleefa was talking about when he told you to ask me about his health issues right?" Sue gulped inaudibly "yeah what about it?"

"well the truth is I know what he's referring to and i think it's better if I tell you." She intertwined her fingers in shame "go on I'm listening" I encouraged her 

"when ya haleefa was young he went through something terrible, something I think it's better If he tells you personally, but after he went through it he changed, not physically but mentally." She finished breathlessly 

"as in how?" I asked confused 

"after what happened he changed like he couldn't feel pain, love, excitement, happiness and sadness, in other words..." she trailed off

"a PSYCHOPATH,?!" I exclaimed caught off-guard

"yeah that" she mumbled looking away 

"which type is he?" I found myself curious 

"what?"

"psychopath's are categorized into 2,which is he?"

"I didn't even know about that, we never really talk about it with him" she sniffs 

"I really need to know see, there at least two distinct subtypes of psychopathy. Primary psychopathy is characterized by low anxiety and thought to result from a genetic predisposition, whereas secondary psychopathy is characterized by high anxiety and thought to develop in response to environmental adversity. Primary psychopathy is robustly associated with reduced neural activation to others' emotions and, in particular, distress. However, it has been proposed that the secondary presentation has different neurocognitive correlates." I explain the best way I can 

"from what I can understand it's secondary, but then ask him about it he knows more about it than I do seeing as he's going through it" she mumbled with a thin smile 

"do you think he'll answer my question? Because I really need to know" I stretch my hand holding on to hers 

"now that you know, yeah he has no reason not to. Just don't push him l, take things easy and most importantly don't be hostile" she advised I nod picking my phone up and Called him asking to meet up which he agreed to do. Around 6:20pm we met outside so we could talk without anyone interrupting or eavesdropping. 

"amal told me everything" I cut to the chase, he nod looking indifferent 

"I'm not in any position to judge you or anything so I won't say a word but I want to ask you something" I turn to look at him "go on" he stared back at me waiting to hear what I wanted to ask

"what type are you?"

"does it matter, to people it's all the same." His eyes drop to my lips before staring back up to my eyes 

"it does to me so please tell me, I need to know" I felt nervous 

"I'm not the cunning, lying, criminal type. I'm just the antisocial and dissocial type and well other things people seem to hate, I'm secondary. Although there are high tendencies of our type being criminals it's not the same for me. I'm impulsive, egotistic, rash, anxious and self destructive. I'm emotional at times, rarely though. Well I don't have to explain more you know all about it don't you?" His empty eyes stared into mine 

I sigh lowly "thank God, for a moment there I was scared. But why didn't you get it treated?"

"oh I tried, my parents sent me to the UK, US, Europe and UAE but the doctors all said the same thing" 

"which is?"

"they couldn't find the source of my trauma so they couldn't do anything about it, they called me a medical mystery. I gave up and decided to live my life the way I was destined to" he looks up to the sky with a sigh "I see" I mumble lightly 

"well now that you know, when should we break the news to my parents?" 

"what news?" I asked confusion laced in my voice 

"about canceling the wedding." He deadpanned 

I shrug carelessly "I'm not canceling it."

"what? After you knowing what kind of person I am you still plan on getting hitched to me?" He smirks with his eyebrow raised 

"all the more reason why i should stay, we doctors tend to be curious about the medical mysteries, even though I couldn't open my own hospital I get to have a patient."

"I never said I wanted you to treat me." He moves away from the car he was leaning against 

"you don't have to, I'll do it anyways."

I was a bit scared and hesitant but I'm gonna marry this guy, not for love but for ambition. Solving his mystery is my mission From onwards. 

///////

It was a day to my wedding, friends came over including amal cause I consider her as one . We stayed up all night talking about school days with them and amal laughing at our emberssing moments.. 

we had our"Kamu" the next day we ate and danced too, I had fun with my friends[Maryam, tasneem,Amira, Sarah, mabruka and tosin] and of course amal was with us. 

The next day was the duren aure, and the bridal shower, I wore a long black channel dress with my hair tied in a bun. We had lots of fun and I laughed a lot because of how funny this girls were. 

The last event was the dinner, I got ready at 9:30 and we arrived at the venue by 10:20.

There was some introductions by the MC and then the speech, amal was about to deliver . She starts off by saying .... 

"well hello everyone thank you for making it to the wedding of A & A, anisa and Abdulrazaq. As you all know I'm the grooms younger sister and a very close friend to the bride. The first time we met I liked her, we just hit it off because we had a lot in common and i was kind of nosy" everyone laughs "this event today is something I've been waiting for, for months and the count down has finally ended. I'm so happy my big brother is also getting married, more space for me [ everyone laughs] i also like to thank everyone again for taking time out of their busy schedule to attend this wedding, thank you very much....." the guests clapped with a smile on their faces 

Then next my sister Amatullah speech.. 

"hello everyone I'm the brides elder sister amatullah, and I'm here to share her embarrassing moments [everyone laughs] when we were young anisa always dreamed about getting married, she'd always ask my mom 'mama when am I getting married?' and my mom will answer her with when you get taller, so she would wear heels and come to my mom saying 'I'm a lot taller now, call baba let's talk about fixing a date'  [everyone laughs] and now finally she's getting married *sobbing* we've always been there for each other no matter what and we will continue being that way, May you have a blessed marriage dear sister" 

I found myself crying, and some of my friends too. 

After the event I was taken to my house with him. My mom and his mom with some aunts of mine and his sat me down and talked some sense into me and his uncles and friends did the same to him. As everyone was about to leave I found myself about to cry, and before I know it I was crying and so was my mom, friends and sister. They were all about to leave when I was told that Abdulrazaq allowed my friends to spend the night with me I felt so relived at least for today i wasn't going to be left alone with a guy i barely know. 

After a hot bath we sat around in my room, they all admired it but I was too tired to notice. 

They entered my walk in closet too, I could hear them screaming, i just shake my head while amal stared at them laughing. 

"you are so lucky i***t, If I had all this I won't cry." Tasneem gushed 

"i***t see you, of course you will, you're the only child your parents have and they spoil you a lot" mabruka hit tasneem with a scowl "shut up abeg" she replied rubbing on her head 

We all sat on the carpet and munched on chocolate cake that mabruka brought with her. 

I noticed them exchanging glances while staring at me. 

"what?" I swallowed the cake barely with all the eyes on me

"nothing but by tomorrow at this time" Sarah raised her eyebrows and they all burst into laughter 

"Seriously girls do you have to do this?" I groan out loud 

"of course it's only natural!" Amira nod her head vigorously 

"I'm sure she can't wait for us to leave so they can be alone" Amal teases me and they all laugh

"yeah I am sure she hates us for ruining it for her tonight." Tosin wiggles her eyebrow at me 

"guys what are you saying?" I roll my eyes taking another bite of my cake 

"abeg calm down, you'll have him all to yourself." Maryam waved me off, They teased me all night. we stayed up all late talking and teasing each other, we had pillow fights and danced in our pj's. 

Around 7:00am in the morning I came downstairs to look around the house and it was beautiful, just too big for the two of us. It had two living rooms, a kitchen, 5 bedrooms but I only saw one so far and it's mine 

After walking around I went back upstairs and decided to take a look around his room cause he wasn't here, he left the house for us last night and went to crash at his friends place. his room was white and grey it was bright, the sun and side lamps made it look brighter . 

When I was done inspecting the house, I made pancakes before the girls woke up and not long after I they came down and pounced on it. 

After breakfast we took turns in taking our bath before watching TV. 

Around 6:00pm Abdulrazaq and his friends arrived, just like tradition they handed 150k to my friends as kudin sayan baki. My friends went upstairs and packed ready to leave, haleefas friends were dropping them off at home. I felt the sadness come back all over again and couldn't stop the tears from falling. I cried and cried, we actually all cried and before they left, the house was quite. I sat down in the living room with him, while I sniffle. My face was red from crying and I'm pretty sure my nose is too, a habit of mine when I cry. We sat there in utter silence for a while before he finally said....

"I'm sure you're still upset about being here but there are some rules we need to set first" he stared at me head on, I nod in agreement not wanting to talk I'm order to avoid breaking down in front of him 

"my rules are simple:

1} I hate unkept environment. 

2}don't go into my room please, I love my privacy, If not for emergencies of course. 

3} I don't mind bringing friends over but not a lot, especially if they want to spend the night here. 

4} don't touch my laptop I don't want a situation where you touch it and I end up losing some important files. I am not saying you don't know how to use it but you can never be too careful.

5}i love food, so please try to cook for me not more 3 times daily, i might decide to get take away sometimes." I nod respecting his wishes before excusing myself to my room.

I went back to my room and laid down on my bed. At any moment he might decide to do things to me and I won't be able to do anything about it, I felt really lonely in this big room. I was lost on thought when  I hear him open the door, my heart skip a beat and I tremble, then I hear him drop a tray in front of me and he says "eat, and take the pain killer, your head must be hurting from all the crying" I nod my head and reply with "thank you" he turned around and left. I ate and took the pain killer before drifting off into a deep sleep.