Paradoxical Love

Chapter 32: Won't lose it

I would have backed away though it was obvious she had no intention of hitting me with the wand she was holding.

Because before, as I had already experienced, whenever she's in a bad mood she tends to beat my head every time we meet in the hallway of their building when boredom strikes, she's not joking around he would hit me with whatever she was holding, her violent tendencies were worst so I dare not to mess with her.

I tried scaring her a bit using my delinquent authority, yet she's the kind of princess who was built differently, fear isn't a part of her vocabulary, and is well aware that her life would be in danger if she's out of her home.

"I'm sorry, okay? You're too disrespectful and when I see someone who doesn't know their place, I put them back to where they belong." Helenia crooked her grin, totally saying that it was part of her royal etiquette.

It makes sense, I wasn't the only one who became her victim, if I'm not mistaken, she even tamed the gangsters and troublemakers in King Arthur's Hall to the point they call her their queen. She's called Crimson Princess not for her scarlet hair, but because she'd exchange one's blood if she sees someone dare to disrespect her by beating them to death.

"Fine, forget it." I forgive her and that's for the best.

"Although, I'm still alone. Nothing changed of me..." Helenia clenched her fist, bearing the sorrow of a lone false princess.

"Change you say...?" That's exactly the situation I considered the other day.

I may have confronted Matilda and did manage to get on good terms with her, yet nothing changed I'm still dancing on her palms as she sees fit. There is no change and everything is laid out pieces of glass that are reflected again. But it doesn't mean there is no change at all, she's wrong and I will prove it to her.

"You are mistaken." I simply implied with a mild tone. She appears to have forgotten that important part of the broken glass; that is the dwelling and permanence that it can yield reflection. The direction may have been different, but the quality of the light it reflects won't change.

"Why?" She couldn't help but peer into my eyes, her crimson hair was slightly shimmering from the faintest of light coming from the shuttered window.

"You're not alone anymore. You're the president of the Gaming Club, aren't you? We all have a past that encompasses our personality; it's up to us how we can change it to become a better version of ourselves." I can't believe I had to be putting up this archaic way of consoling her that I only use when we're chatting in-game.

It's for her sake anyways and she had seen a far worse side from me than ever after giving her countless poems.

"Really?" She let go of gripping her arms, sobbing as she's about to cry again.

"I'm relieved you are back to being yourself. We play together in the club you founded, have fun all day, you befriended Sattela who's always alone, and entertained those two i***t friends of mine, Ged and Ariel. We wouldn't ask for more." I merely stated what is true, I'm glad to be a part of her club for real.

No words erupted and silence reigned, she came closer beside me and muttered. "I want to cry you know?" She's obviously in tears, she did her best to escape the reality she endured, that's why she deserves to let it all out whenever she wanted.

"Humans are fragile, weak, and always rely on others. We cry for the reason that we're weak, in this way, we have an excuse telling them we still have a lot to learn." I parted a very philosophical lesson for her that became part of my virtue, I hope she can also take its purpose and learn it's fine not to be fine.

"You really are something. I'm fine now, you can cut the heroic act just like you always do back in the days." Now I discovered Helenia gets also annoyed by my antics during the time when we're together in the game, I won't be surprised since I saw it coming.

She wiped away her tears becoming a better and stronger version of herself. Although she was certainly weak and depressed, she obviously stood on her own feet and took the ordeal she never accepted.

The Crimson Princess sat in a chair near the window, as the wind never ceases to lift her crimson hair, even though she gathered her courage and believe she can move on, Helenia nevertheless wailed without hesitation.

This is the point where I should walk out of this room and let her have the remaining time alone, she should be able to cope up by herself for now.

Before I pass right through the threshold, in that instance, she exclaimed a declaration in her loud voice. "Just you wait! I'll make you fall in love with me and beg for my grace! I will never give up got it?"

I have no intention of breaking our promise, but I can't accept her love 'cause I know that what she held was admiration.

"Ah, eh, I don't know about that Firia!" I have no idea what I was saying, I got flustered getting overwhelmed by her honesty and pride.

"You stupid Salvation! Call me by my name you i***t!" Helenia calls me by my nickname yet she doesn't want to get treated the same, she becomes illogical sometimes.

"Argh! Forget it." The Crimson Princess is as frivolous and mischievous as before, I presume I had done my job here, and leaving her alone now means she can start to see that she became stronger in her heart.

I left the Gaming Club room having no regrets; I haven't got far from the campus gate when someone from behind tugged the hem of my uniform.

My beating heart froze in time, I turned around only to see Matilda under the blanket of auburn skies, I stood quietly before her majestic presence, waiting for her to utter a word or two.

"Let's go home together." Matilda gracefully demanded, she latched herself onto my arm even though I haven't given her permission yet.

"Alright?" I just gasped after I agreed with her, unable to decline her humble request as I remembered that I agreed to become her boyfriend.

We were walking at the same speed and direction, she just seemed to be mutely looking in front of her path like I was just a shadow. I was sweaty and worried even though the cold wind was brushing ever slightly.

I was so uneasy about the situation, the route that was supposed to lead to our home should be different. It was probably only a few minutes before I realized that I was following Matilda's trails unbeknownst to me until we reached our destination; it was none other than her home.

"Reyler, since you're here now, why not sip a tea before going home?" Matilda offered, her half-suppressed smirk certainly hide motives following the pattern that she's up to something if she brings me to her house. 

"I need to go home, I have something important to do." I used my so-called excuse card to elude an unbearable circumstance, this wasn't very effective but I hope it will work out somehow.

"More important to me?" She caught me off guard, to be honest.

"No..." For real, she got me good, I guess I can't escape now.

"I know you'll join me." The way her tongue crosses down her lower lip following with a mild bite; I'd knew she was serious as hell from that onward.

She was definitely thirsty. I didn't realize I was already walking with her as she drags me into her trap, I was powerless now that she has the authority to impose dominance now that we become lovers.

"We're here, care to open the door for me?" She was asking me after she unlocked the door.

"O-Okay..." Hell no. I can't afford to lose my virginity now, I know that's what she was after now that I'm her boyfriend, I mean, that's literally what she desired from the beginning, what else does she want from like me? It all points out one obvious direction; she's going to make a move today.

Whatever comes next shall become my fate, and my action behind it will simply change the outcome, hoping I can overcome this ordeal once more.