Searching for Me

Chapter 3

What do you want from me? I can hear the man screaming at my father. “You want out? We can’t let that happen, your brother doesn’t seem to think it’s a bad idea, but we do. You’re in it, no getting out. It’s time to take matters into our own hands and show the Ashford family that they aren’t god and can’t play him.” The man sneers back at my father. “God, you think we think we’re gods? No, we are just people who got into the wrong business. Your father is fine with us getting out, but you, why do you have an issue?” Just then my mother comes out of my parents’ bedroom; only thing is she isn’t alone. The minute my father sees her, his face turn white as a ghost. It’s only now that I see the person has a huge knife to her throat. I cover my mouth hoping no one can hear my gasps. My entire body is shaking in fear of what’s happening before me. The two men standing with my parents are huge. Like brick-house-huge. I have no idea what they want from my parents but it looks like they aren’t planning on leaving until they get it.

I push my way as far as I can from my room, without being seen. Feeling the need to want to see more, maybe help them if I can; only it’s not help that I see. I see the man holding my mom run the knife’s blade across her throat, I hear her horrified scream then I see my dad start to fight to get to her. I want to run to them, call for help, only problem is I’m frozen to the spot. I can see my mom bleeding like crazy on the floor and my dad being held by the guy who had my mom.

The next minute I hear the man speak a language I’ve never heard before, the only word I hear that I possibly understand is die. “Do you understand now? There is no getting out.” I then hear my dad scream his name. “Alexei don’t do this.” And with those final words from my dad the gun goes off and my father falls to the floor.

Waking up to the sounds of screaming I sit up and realize that’s it’s coming from me. My door busts open and Kaleb is there, grabbing me and holding on tight. I can’t stop the uncontrollable sobbing, my dreams have never been this detailed. Was it real? Did I just remember something from that night? Kaleb is trying to sooth me by telling me I’m okay, that I’m safe but nothing works. I need Kaci. In the next minute Kaci’s running into my room and basically pushes Kaleb out of the way. Telling him and Dane she had this.

She pulls me in her arms and I just cry. “Shh, Gabs, I’ve got you. It was just a dream. Take a deep breath for me.” Kaci is saying this over and over.

I must’ve cried myself back sleep with Kaci holding me. Even though that is the last place I want to be, sleeping. I wake up when I feel Kaci getting up. She’s trying her best to not wake me so I just continue to lie there while she goes out. I’m sure the guys are worried or maybe a little freaked out.

I still can’t get over my dream. Did I really hear my dad say his killer’s name? Or is it my mind trying to give me closure when there really isn’t anything different?

I hear voices outside in the living room so I decide it’s time to face the music. I hear Dane whispering to I’m assuming Kaci and Kaleb, “Does this happen often, Kaci?”

“The last two mornings it has, for a while after her parents were killed she had them all the time, but over the years they’ve gone away. This one was the worst. She’s never screamed like that or not been able to calm down. This one was different I could see it in her eyes.”

“Why is she having dreams about it? I mean I get it, but I would think they would go away after some time.” Kaleb jumps into the conversation.

It’s now that I think I need to go out there. Kaci is the only one who knows I was there that day so that’s the reason she’s the one person who understands why have I have these dreams.

“I’m not sure it’s something you two should ask her. Good morning, doll. You okay?” Kaci asks me as she pulls me into her arms.

“I’m good. Sorry I scared and woke you guys up.” I look to Dane and Kaleb. They both have a worried look to them so I go up to my cousin and give him a hug. “I’m okay Dane, I promise.”

“Do my parents know about your dreams?” I shake my head yes to him but again they know I had nightmares but I never told them what about.

“Wanna tell me what happened in there, Gabriella?” My body stiffens when Kaleb uses my full name. I only hear it when I’m in trouble. But coming from him, it sets my body on fire.

I look over to Kaci, “I think you need to tell them Gabs, or tell someone other than me. Something is going on. You can trust them.”

I laugh a little, “I can trust them? I just met him.” I say pointing to Kaleb. “And they both work for my uncle.” She knows what I mean. I think I shocked the men though.

“What do you mean ‘they both work for my uncle’ Gabs? You work for him too.” Dane gives me a pointed look.

“You’re right, I work in the office and you two do whatever the hell you guys do. I don’t even know.” That’s all I can give them. They get my point the minute I say it and both sit down.

I know it’s been a burden on Kaci being the only one who knows what happened that night but am I ready to tell someone else? Let alone my cousin and a man I just met. Granted, the man I just met does something to me and if I’m honest with myself I do feel safe with him.

Dane stands up and comes over to me, “Gabs, you’re like a sister to me, hell you are my sister. Anything you tell me won’t leave this room. Do you understand me? I give you my word.” I shake my head and look to Kaleb. “What about his word? Are you going to vouch for him?” He looks at Kaleb and they both nod their heads. With one final word, my resolve crumbles. Maybe having these dreams again are a way I'm telling myself that it’s time to come clean. If I tell someone maybe it will make me feel better.

“Okay.” I say to them and everyone sits down. Kaci sits next to me and grabs my hand for support. I know I’m going to need it.

I don’t really know how to start. Do I just blurt it out or start off slow? Maybe Kaleb doesn’t know what went on five years so I decide to start at the beginning.

“I was sixteen when my parents were killed. Max was staying over at a friend’s house and I was with Kaci. Or I was supposed to be with Kaci.” I look over to my cousin and his body freezes. I hold up my hand wanting him to not saying anything until I’m done.

“I had forgotten something so I ran back home to grab it. I went straight to my room and my parents didn’t even see me. I assumed they were in their bedrooms because I didn’t see them when I came in the house.

“As I’m getting ready to walk out my room I hear what sounded like the door being busted open and my dad running out to the living room. I stayed put just right outside my door. Since my parents’ room was on the other side of the house no one even thought to notice me standing there.” I can’t even look up while I’m saying this. I just stare at my hands in my lap and keep going. “I remember hearing my dad shouting at the man who broke in and the next thing I saw was my mom being man-handled out of her room with a man holding a knife to her throat. The minute my dad saw her, he went so white. He started screaming again saying they didn’t have to do this and I remember the man not holding my mom say.” I stop. This is a lot harder than I thought. Not only because I’m pulling up my past. but because this is going to affect Dane as well.

Kaleb jumps up and moves to my other side. I look up at him and I know he sees the tears in my eyes. Cupping my face and making me look at him, “You can do this, Gabriella, trust me, no matter what you say nothing will ever happen to you. Do you understand me?” I shake my head and with his hand now holding mine I continue. I can’t look over at Dane, I know I will break.

“The man started saying this has to happen, it’s the only way to get through to your brother’s head. He needs to know he can’t get away with it. He needs to know we won’t stand by and do nothing just because of who you guys are. The next second my entire world stopped. The man holding my mom slit her throat and she fell to the ground. I wanted to run to her, do something but I knew if I did I wouldn’t survive. With a few final words between the men, I saw my father go down with a bullet to his head.

“My dreams that I have are of that day. Of me seeing my parents being murdered and remembering that just because the police said it was a home invasion, I know it wasn’t. Whatever business our parents were into is what killed my parents.”

It’s only now that I look over to Dane. I let go of Kaleb’s hand and walk over to my cousin. He immediately pulls me into his arms and holds me. “I don’t know, Gabs, I really don’t know.” He rocks me back and forth. “Why didn’t you tell anyone besides Kaci that you were there? You could’ve helped them find the people.”

“No I couldn’t. Whatever happened that night, no matter what I would’ve said I saw, it would’ve been turned against me. Or I would’ve become a target. Now that five years has gone by and I’ve had all this time to relive and think about that night I know I wouldn’t be here now if I had told anyone I was there. I don’t want to think that Uncle is a bad person but it’s very hard for me to trust anyone anymore. After the gunshot went off and killed my dad I ran as fast as I could back to Kaci’s and told her everything. Since then, I’ve been having dreams of that night, nothing really changes it’s just me seeing my parents being killed and I wake up.”

“Only this time something else happened didn’t it, Gabriella?” Kaleb says to me. “You were completely hysterical when I came in there.”

Shaking my head yes, “I remember a name. In my dream my dad said his killer’s name before the gun went off.” Both the men start to say something when I cut them off, “I know it is just a dream but I’ve never remembered the name. Last night’s dream was different all around. I usually dream it like I’m there, this time though I dreamt like I was watching over it not seeing it as myself. Please don’t look at me like I’m crazy. My dad said his name, and the man was speaking what sounded like Russian.” For some reason I don’t want to say his name at least not just yet.

After telling them about everything I make sure that they will keep my secret, telling them that I will tell my uncle soon. I know I wouldn’t be able to get away with never telling them but I need to do a little digging of my own first. I know the first place I need to go.