The Forbidden Marriage

WARNING CONTENT: R-18 🔞 They say imperfection is beautiful. Will the ruins still be pretty despite all the blisters after an attack and a lethal explosion? Destruction is the total death of something. Then why do people find it beautiful when it looks horrible? The burned ruins are not pleasing. The darkness of the skin from senescence is not a delightful sight. It's scary. Spooky things are a horror for almost everyone. If ever the time comes and ruins ask that they be seen as beauty rather than just a vestige of beauty once upon a time, will they be loved for their imperfection, darkness, and brokenness? Napakunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya, pero hindi na ako sumagot. Di ko rin maintindihan kung anong ibig niyang iparating. Tahimik kami buong biyahe. Dinadaan niya sa bako-bakong daanan, at mas napapahigpit ang yakap ko sa kanya sa bawat pagtatalon ng motor sa hindi pantay na daan. Purong kadiliman ang paligid, tanging mahahabang talahib at ang ilaw ng buwan na nakagapos sa mga ulap ang kaunting liwanag. Hininto niya lang ang motor nang mamataan ang isang lumang bleachers, malaki at medyo naluma. Dinala niya ako sa isang baseball field. "Anong gagawin natin dito?" humalukipkip ako nang makaakyat na kami sa bleachers, at umupo siya roon, hinarap ko siya. Bumuntong-hininga siya, itinaas ang mga braso at tumingala sa kalawakan ng field. Madilim, tanging mga dilaw na ilaw ang nagbibigay ng kaunting liwanag sa damuhang nakapalibot. "I really wanted to see you... and talk to you... Penelope," mahina niyang sabi. Napataas ang kilay ko. "Tungkol sa proposal mo?" tanong ko, hindi umaalis sa kinatatayuan ko. Ayaw kong lumapit o humakbang nang kaunti. "Yes... and I just wanted to convince you to stop seeing that guy..." Alam ko kung sino ang tinutukoy niya, kaya nanatili na lang akong tahimik. "And... go back to Bacolod. This place is not safe for you..." "Hindi pa nga tayo kasal, sinasakal mo na ako," sambit ko, sabay taas ng kilay nang lumingon siya sa akin. "How about we talk about the rules we need to set... if ever I agree to your proposal?" Napatango-tango siya. "I'm a selfish person... so if you are married to me, I don't want to see you being too close to that Makon or anyone else..." "So... I can't have boyfriends?" "You may... but not too close, not to the point that he can call you names, disrespect you, or cross your boundaries and limitations." He has a point. "How long will I be married to you? Until I'm happy? What if I say I can be happy after just a few months, and I'm only pretending so I can get out of this marriage quickly?" I laid out the plan he had probably already anticipated before I even spoke. He didn't answer my question right away. "How about we have dinner instead?" he smiled. "And talk about the rules of our marriage?" I asked again. "There's only one thing we need to do, respect the marriage, Penelope, and I will too..." "What are you talking about?" I interrupted, staring at him. I didn't want to let another idea creep into my head, only to realize in the end that it was wrong. I didn't want this to happen to me when I was near him. I didn't want to feel like this, to get confused, when deep down... I was already certain he wasn't the one I would choose. Yet the closer we got, something inside me stirred, a part of myself I didn't even know existed. It had to be purely transactional. He wouldn't marry me because he genuinely liked me, right? "Five years, Penelope. Love me within five years, and if you can't..." I stared at him. "I can have everything and still keep my freedom?" I asked. He nodded. It all happened so suddenly. I should have been shocked, or at least bit my tongue before answering him that way, but something inside me, something I thought I didn't have, rose up like a shadow in a scary movie. I could feel it rolling through me, and I was afraid it might break the promise I made to myself and to Alney. I didn't want to choose him... not even after Alney was gone. I just couldn't. He's too much, too good at catching attention, too good at using those eyes. I thought he might be somewhat innocent, which is hard to believe just by looking at him, but at least that's what I fed on my mind. What if I love you in five years, will you feel the same, Juarenz? "What if I can't even like you?" I muttered. "Aw..." he said softly. "Show everyone you still are... you have to convince your parents that you love me, right?" "So... what will you get in return from this marriage, Juarenz?" "Good looking kids?" he asked with a sly grin. "Oh..." I nodded slowly, feeling a little insulted, but... hey, he's going to use me, and I will use him too. But that could f**k everything up. Kids, marriage, eventual divorce after five years? "You just want to screw me up? Why not do it outside marriage?" "Because you can't have everything outside marriage," he said. Point taken. "And also... I want my kids to inherit a little bit of your everything, Penelope," he added, smirking. This was the other side of Juaren Zethais, the cunning, calculating one. "I don't transact just for the games, Juarenz... I always make sure I get something out of betting. I'm greedy, at least that's one thing I've always admitted. But you know who I like... and who I'll like for a lifetime. That's only Alney. Is that alright?" He shrugged, unaffected. Seeing him so calm, I remembered how he had once told me he had a crush on me, like he had on any common girl, and it still stung. Hearing him say he liked me now... in that cool, controlled voice, as if it were just another transaction, was disappointing. Confessions were supposed to be sweet, shocking, make me flutter. But right now? He sounded like a man negotiating just so he could get under a girl's skirt. "I don't play games either..." he said, monotone, unbothered, unhurt. Playboy lang. "Do you remember Meek?" I asked. His reaction didn't change at all. I couldn't believe I was attracted to this man, and that I had even admitted it to myself! I couldn't believe he had once been the reason my feelings for Alney were tainted. And now, thinking about how Alney promised me comfort and safety, here was this guy, the same one who had, at times, caused me pain and confusion. "Of course you wouldn't!" I laughed. "If marriage is supposed to be respected, I'd assume you wouldn't be dangling your d**k around other girls." e laughed, and I looked at him with a serious face. "How about we slow it down, then?" "Are you backing out?" I asked. "No. How about we go on dates?" he suggested. "And have s*x?" He closed his eyes sharply at my words. "That's moving too fast, Penelope. You don't even like me." Well, that's where you're wrong. "Boring..." I muttered. His gaze sharpened as he looked at me. "Baby steps, Penelope... Let's start with you avoiding Makon and the illegal races," he said. "I can't just stand by and watch you destroy yourself." "Naaawa ka sa'kin?" "I pity you every time I see you wasting your life trying to forget your problems. You can't run from them... you have to run with them, learn from them. Stop throwing all your anger at me... I don't deserve it, Hope." Hope. The way he said it, soft, laden with pain, was torturous. I could hear the hurt in his voice, the genuine weight of it. Ngayon na ako nawalan ng ibabato sa kanya, samantalang kanina naman, ang dami kong gustong sabihin. Humakbang ito palapit sa'kin, pero hindi ako mahagalaw para layuan ang paglapit nito. Isang hakbang na lang ang pagitan sa amin nang tumigil ito. "You know what? You're selfish..." I was ready to unload everything I wanted to say, but he stepped forward again, too close, and his long fingers slid to the back of my neck, claiming it, steadying it. He bowed his head, pressing his forehead against mine. What is he doing? Why does my whole body feel paralyzed? "Stop being selfish, Penelope," he whispered, breath brushing my lips. "You can be selfish, once you take me with you. Take me first." And his hot, minty breath brushed against me, seeping in, stealing my anger. Just this close, and even a beast like me feels tamed. I can't decipher it. "So that's what you mean by selfish, right? Me... myself? How can it be selfish if there are two of us now?" What the hell am I saying? Wake up, Penelope! This isn't you anymore, you're caught up, frantic, wild, lost in conversation with him. So what if the warmth of his palm against my skin feels comforting? So what if his soft voice soothes me, and his breath against me eases something inside? I may have clear ideas in my mind, but no one controls my body, it has a will of its own. In a swift motion, he was suddenly close, lips pressing against mine, wet and demanding. His mouth moved over mine until I surrendered, parting my lips for his tongue like a key fitting a lock. Our tongues tangled, tasting the sharp mint of him, a potion I lost myself in. I clung to his broad shoulders as he gripped my waist, closing the space between us. "Hmmm," a moan escaped me. His hands traced from my waist up along my spine, sending shivers through me, but it was his kiss that pulled me deeper. I pushed back once more, panting. "Baby steps, huh? How dare you?" I stammered, trying to push him away, but he didn't budge. "Yeah. I dare you to take me... now, Penelope. Take me... take me..." "Ang bilis mo naman ata—" "Then take me slowly," he said with a grin, pulling me into his embrace. What was happening? Like the last time he held me, I stiffened at the comforting warmth of his hug. And despite the gentleness of his arms, despite the comfort, there was still this jolt in my mind, a wild, spasmic thrill. His effect on me hadn't vanished, if anything, it had grown stronger, scarier, impossible to resist.