When She Sleeps

Suspended

I cried for what I could only imagine was hours, or at least that’s what it felt like. “This isn’t real.” I thought to myself, how could it be? It was so quick, I don’t understand how things can be perfectly fine one moment and horrible the next. “Why me?” “Why Mom?”

In an attempt to raise me out of my hospital bed, an alarm starts going off, and for good reason, the entire room started to spin. Sarah walked back into the room in a hurry. As soon as she saw me her eyes lowered to the floor. “I am a dickhead.” I thought to myself, she didn’t say anything, the room was rather quiet. “I’m sorry.” I couldn't resist breaking the silence. “I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

“No, it’s okay.” She said quietly “I understand how you’re feeling; I would have reacted the same.” She said, “My sister's house was destroyed today as well; she didn’t make it either.” She broke down. “I am so sorry, I am such a dickhead.” I was gutted, how selfish of me. I never even thought about the damage, the aftermath. "What is the number of casualties?" I looked down. “18 so far, many are still missing.” “18?!” My heart felt so low. I’ve lived in that community most of my childhood, and I know almost everyone I’ve grown up with them. I can no longer bear to hear any more depressing updates.

“Why are you working, you should be with your family Sarah.” I say gently “You should be around people.” “I am here to do what I can, there is a lot of trauma and not many trauma nurses.” She says between sighs, “I appreciate that though, I want to help where I can.” This amazes me, this woman is grieving but still has time to take care of everyone else. “Alright Ben, I’m going to be back I’ve got to run and get your antibiotics.” “Antibiotics?” I say. "We need to administer antibiotics just to be sure there isn't any serious infection." She pauses. "We are still waiting on a room for you, so you’re here for now. It looks like you'll probably be here for a couple of days at least. You had to have some blood, but your color is starting to look better."

“I feel like I was hit by a truck.” I tried joking but it fell flat. Sarah left the room. I hope I didn’t offend her; I appreciate everything she’s done for me. Before I could dwell too much on the joke Sarah walked back in with an IV bag, she shut the door behind her. In silence, she began to hook up my IV first with the saline to flush the line, then the antibiotics. “Sarah, I want to apologize for my joke earlier. I didn’t mean anything by i..” I was cut off abruptly, Sarah turned towards me with tears in her eyes. She leaned down and kissed me, it didn’t feel romantic maybe she just needed to feel close to someone. I didn’t kiss her back, but I wrapped her in my arms and only felt it was appropriate. She’s been through so much, I’d been through so much.

“Knock..knock..knock” “Hey babe, I got here as soon as I hear..” Tonya gasped, “Benji?” She cried, “Who is this?” Startled, Sarah jumped back “I apologize, I was just getting his vitals and I felt sorry for him and gave him a hug.” There is no possible way she could have seen her kiss me, not from the angle she was standing. “This is my nurse, she lost her sister today as well.” Tonya seemed to ease down, which is great because I don’t know how to explain what just happened. I don’t even know what just happened. “Well, I will let you both visit,” Sarah said in a sweet voice. “I am sorry for your loss,” Tonya tells Sarah. Sarah nods and leaves.

“Babe, are you okay?” Tonya asks, “I was so worried about you.” “I’m okay, I just wish I could have made a difference.” I looked down and said, “I can’t get it out of my head, the way mom looked.” I choked back tears. “Baby I am so sorry.” She pulled up a chair beside me and held my hand. “Is there anything I can do for you?” I looked at her tear-filled face and said “No sweetheart you’re here that’s all I need.”

Another knock on the door and with it comes a short lady with her hair pinned up in a bun, half falling out. “Hello sir, I am with the administration. I have a few papers for you to sign. “Your insurance didn’t go through, so you have different insurance now?”

“I hardly think this is the appropriate time..” Tonya speaks up. “No it’s fine Hun, the insurance I have should be on file.” "Hmm, I'll try once more. Would you mind signing here? It simply states that in case your insurance does not cover your stay, you will be responsible for payment."Tonya scoffs. I signed without a problem. “Thank you, sir,” she says, “get to feeling better.” And she leaves the room.

“Ring ring ring” Tonya's phone buzzes and rings “Hello?” She says “Hey, I’m up at the hospital with Benji.” “Who is it?” I ask “It’s Tiffany.” She replies “I can’t leave Benji here, Tiffany.” I hear broken pieces of the conversation. She hangs up after saying goodbyes. “What’s wrong,” I ask. “Tiffany’s dogs are missing, they didn’t get hit, but they ran when all the sirens went off.” “Well baby you can go help her, I’ll be here for a few days at least, I’ll be fine,” I promised. “Are you sure?” She asked. “Positive baby, go help her and get some rest we’ve got a lot to do in the next few days.” She kissed me and gathered her things. “I love you, baby.” She said. The door opened and Sarah walked through. I caught her eye as I responded to Tonya and said “I love you too.” Tonya walked out and went home.

“Sarah, what was that about?”