Beyond Memories in Dreamland

And So It Begins...

Where am I?

How long have I been here?

Wait... Where is Britt?

How did I lose her?

I can't believe this is happening again.

I swore I would protect Britt at all costs.

I blink my eyes open trying to adjust to the darkness surrounding me.

I blink once again, then a second and third time before I start to recognize what's around me.

I look at all the familiar details as they hit me in a wave of fear, to my left is the tattered dresser with missing knobs, needles and vials laying atop of the otherwise barren dresser, the closet is slightly ajar and I can see the dirty laundry spilling out, directly in front of me the broken window that has been duck tapped in place with a small chair sitting beneath it. I'm lying on the large king sized bed with a cheetah print fleece blanket covering my naked body trapped between the wall and my father, who is luckily passed out beside me. He is slowly but barely breathing in and out softly, some might even say he sounded peaceful laying there asleep. It should be a relief that he is still breathing and that his recent binge didn't kill him.

I slowly pick up the fuzzy blanket from around my body, it smells bad, a mixture of sweat, dirt and bodily fluids. I begin to survey the damage he's caused this time, a bruise on my stomach, a hand print on my inner left thigh, and a sticky substance on my pelvic area. "Not too bad this time" I whisper quietly to myself, so as to not wake the sleeping monster next to me. I run my hands through my long dirty blonde hair. It's then that I feel something wet on my hands, I slowly pull them back in front of my face and I'm sadly not shocked to see blood on them. I'll have to get that under control before I try to find Britt, I don't want to scare her, and she shouldn't have to endure that.

I slowly and quietly get up from the bed and pull the chair from the window to the closet so I can reach the top shelf where I have a few pieces of clothing stored for when these kinds of things happen. As I am pulling the clothes down I realized this is my last set of t-shirt and shorts, hopefully I can replenish my stock pile before dad wakes up. I quickly get myself dressed in a white plain t-shirt and pink loose fitting shorts and tip toe to the bedroom door, unlock it, and let myself out into the hallway.

As soon as I am in the hallway I make a mad dash to the bathroom down the hall on the left. I duck in and lock the door behind me quietly.

I take a look at myself in the mirror, my hair is disheveled and messy, my face has a couple of marks on it and I don't know where they've come from, but I know that soap and water aren't going to fix them, I have tear stains on my face below my eyes and down my cheeks, something white on the side of my mouth and blood dried to the sides my face.

I take a moment to think about my options. I need a lot of cleaning up this time. After thinking it over for a minute, I decide the best course of action is to just get into the shower as quickly as possible so that I can get back to finding Britt. I take my clothes off, turn on the water as quietly as possible and hop in.

As the water hits the back of my head, I feel a sting that hurts so bad I almost scream but I know that will only result in more injuries, so I quickly jam my hand into my mouth and instead my scream comes out as a small squeak, and for the first time in a while I am grateful for my quick thinking which normally gets me into trouble.

I must've hit my head last night which would explain all the blood and why I don't remember it this time. I thought to myself.

I grab the bar of soap sitting on the ledge and the wash cloth that feels hard and rough from having been air dried hanging on the water spout. As I look down at the wash cloth it looks slightly dirty but I don't have any other options so I just shrug lightly and hope that it'll at least make me more presentable than I am now. I take care of my body and face first hoping that the longer my hair is under the water the more it will sort of clean itself before I add soap.

Once I am done with the soap I reach down for the only shampoo bottle we have Irish Spring it's what my dad likes, once when I asked why we couldn't get a "girl" shampoo that smelled like roses he stared at me in an almost menacing way and said

"I want to make sure that all my girls smell just like me. You don't want someone else's daddy to think that they can do what you and I do together now would you Richelle? You wouldn't want that would you? Because you wouldn't want daddy to have to do anything to Britt since you weren't around?"

I just smiled and said "Of course not daddy, I love you!"

At the thought of that I remembered I still haven't found Britt, I needed to hurry up and finish my shower, cover my wounds and find her quickly before she realizes something is wrong. I quickly get the shampoo into my hair grimacing at the pain as I massage it into my head and then rinse it out, as the brownish red water flowed down the drain, I waited until the water began to clear being sure to wipe it all down the drain with my hands. I don't want to get in trouble for staining the white porcelain bathtub.

Once I finished up and was satisfied with my cleanliness, I stepped out of the shower and put the same clothes on that I had when I entered and went back to the mirror located on the wall just above the sink. I grabbed my hairbrush just to the left of the sink, as I carefully brushed my hair I felt on my scalp for the source of the blood from earlier, thankfully there was only a small gash in my head and at least for now it seemed to have stopped bleeding. I got my hair all brushed out and pulled it into a long braid that ran down to the middle of my back. I was just reaching for my toothbrush when I heard a small whimper from outside the door,

"Elle"

"Elle, where are you" the voice said barely audible.

Britt!

I opened the door but I didn't see her anywhere.

"Britt, where are you?" I called out as quietly as I could.

"I'm i-in here"

"Where?"

"I'm in here" she said again and I could tell she was scared but trying to use her "big girl voice" just like I taught her to do. "I'm in our bedroom Elle and I c-can't get out."

I sped walked across the hall and one door to the left, I reached my hands underneath the door, "Britt come to the door and take my hand" I said quietly but trying to sound confident in my directions to my 4 year old sister "I'm here there is nothing to be afraid of, are you in there alone?"

"Yes, one of mommy's and daddy's friends tried to come in last night but I didn't let them just like you told me."

"Good girl Britt, you did such a good job, I am so proud of you" I tried to be as encouraging as possible "You did so good. I'm going to try and get you out of there. Let go of my hand and I'll be right back."

"N-nno I don't want you to leave me." I could hear the tears in her voice now, this is exactly the type of thing I am always trying to avoid.

"Britt, I am not going to leave you I am just going to try and find mommy or daddy's keys okay?" I heard a sniffle "Try to be quite like we practiced and I will be right back, I'm going to let go of your hand now okay?"

"O-oaky but you're c-coming b-back r-right?"

"Yes! I would never leave you alone, no matter what. It's me and you against the world forever and always remember?"

"F-forever and a-always" she said trying to stifle her crying and be quite like we practiced almost every night before bed.

I made my way just a little further down the hall and into the living room, I knew mom would be there and it would be easier for me to get the key from her than my dad because once she was passed out... she was out like a light. I found her on the tattered couch which was now missing one of the cushions and the once vibrant red now looked like a faded orange brown. She looked battered and was laying on the couch half on and half off belly down, facing toward the TV with vomit all over her.

I took a glace around the living room. It was littered with needles, small baggies of pills, some green stuff and remnants of white powder, and beer bottles probably from last night. The table was more the same but also housed some small straws.

I looked back to her. She typically keeps the keys on a neon green spiral band around one of her wrists but as I made my way carefully toward her navigating my steps lightly around the mess I saw that it was being held just barely in her hand that was hanging off the couch. The keys looked as if they were going to slip through her fingers at any moment and I was thankful because that meant she probably wouldn't notice anything was missing when I took them out of her hand to go and rescue Britt from the bedroom. I took a long look at my mom I could tell that at one point she was probably the most beautiful person in any room, being a mix of Mexican, American Indian, and White gave her a beautifully tanned olive skin tone that was a stark contrast to mine which was a slight golden white like my dad's, she had raven shoulder length hair that looked dull now but I had seen in pictures from before that it was vibrant and healthy once. She had high cheek bones that were even more prominent now that her face was bruised and sunken in. I loved to watch her sleep because it was the most peaceful I ever saw her, she wasn't anxious or nervous like she normally was. I reached down and brushed her cheek with a sigh and then carefully and slowly grabbed the key from her hand.

The key in hand I made my way carefully back through the living room and slightly down the hall to the room Britt and I shared.

"Britt, I'm back. I'm going to get you out now"

"E-elle I-I t-thought y-ou w-weren't c-coming b-back" she said through heaves of sobs.

"Forever and Always remember Britt?"

"Y-yea" she said as I put the key in the door and opened it up to reveal my baby sister smiling at me through the tears on her face, chest moving rapidly up and down. She had started to panic when I didn't come back right away. She ran to me and I pulled her up into a hug and squeezed her tight. "I'll always come back for you, you silly goose" I said as I rubbed our noses together. She gave me a big smile and as I was pulling her in for another hug I heard loud cries coming from the room beside ours.

"No!" I shrieked "No, no, no, no, no!" In my efforts to clean up and focus on Britt I had neglected the baby. I pulled away from Britt quickly.

"Britt, go back into the bedroom now. Get in the closet and shut the door. Don't come out until I come get you and tell you to come out. Okay?" I said quickly. I could hear the fear in my voice and by the look she gave me I knew she could hear it and feel it radiating out of my tense body.

If dad woke up he was going to be angry and I didn't not want Britt to see what he does when he's angry. She did as I told her and ran back into our room. I made sure that she had tucked into the closet before I started to take off down the hallway but it was too late.

"RICHELLE!!!" I heard my dad yell from his room. "Shut. Him. Up. Now! My head is pounding!"

"Yes, Dad." I called back.

I stepped into the nursery and picked up Andy as quickly as I could trying to soothe him. I gave him his pacifier but he spit it out almost instantly. I checked his diaper but he didn't need to be changed. He felt slightly warm but he had just woken up, so hopefully its just from sleeping and not because he's sick. I started back towards the kitchen to get him a bottle which was my only option left. He was probably hungry and as soon as I got some food in him, I am sure he would calm down but as I stepped out of the nursery I figure toward over me.

"I thought I told you to shut him up" he spat.

"D-dad, I-I'm t-trying, J-just let m-me g-go g-get h-him a b-bottle?" I said holding Andy closer to me as he started to holler even louder than he was before.

"RICHELLE YOU SHUT HIM UP OR I'LL SHUT HIM UP!!!"

"Ssshhh Andy, everything's okay. Shhh, please stop crying" I cooed at Andy hoping he would quiet long enough for me to take him into the kitchen to warm his bottle and satisfy dad's need for him to be quiet.

"RICHELLE! I'M WARNING YOU!"

"Shhhh..."

"I..."He opened his mouth to say something but there was a loud banging on the door, we both turned toward the door surprised to see a police officer standing outside. As soon as I saw the police officer I knew this wasn't going to end well. My dad was in no mood to deal with the police today.

I turned back cautiously to look at my dad as I anxiously awaited his reaction. I could see movement as my dad's posture began to change slightly. As I was turned back around about to be face to face with my dad again Andy shrieked louder than I had ever heard him cry before. And with that last cry my dad was sent over the edge. He narrowed his bloodshot eyes at me and before I knew it Andy had been ripped from the safety of my arms by my dad. I couldn't even wrap my head around what was happening when he suddenly threw Andy against the wall with so much force, anger set in his piercing blue eyes. I watched silently as Andy hit the wall with a loud thud and fell to the floor, his body limp.

As I watched the scene unfold before my eyes I heard the front door open with a bang and a crack as the words "FREEZE!" were being yelled behind my back in my direction.

I fell to the floor crawling for Andy, silent sobs falling from my eyes and chest, as I was about to reach his eerily still body I was kicked hard sending me flying up into the air, my body slamming hard into something behind me. I tried to take in my surroundings but it was hard. I felt so tired, I blinked trying to keep myself awake, the scene around me becoming fuzzy, then the thought of Britt came to the forefront of my mind.

I need to get to her.

I blink again this time trying to get up, but a pair of hands from a man I had never seen before in my life stopped me, and I didn't have the strength to fight back.

"BRITT!" I called out as loud as I could. "Britt! My sister!" I said my voice barely a whisper at this point.

A strong voice called out to someone "There's another child in here!" was the last thing I heard and then sirens before I let the tiredness I was feeling takeover my entire being. Nothing but cold darkness surrounding me.