Shade

I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz, or arrow of carnations that propagate fire: I love you as one loves certain obscure things, secretly, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself, and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose from the earth lives dimly in my body. I love you without knowing how, when, or from where, I love you directly without problems or pride: I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love, except in this form in which I am not nor are you, so close that your hand upon my chest is mine, so close that your eyes close with my dreams by Pablo Neruda Anastasia I'm that woman, young feminist wants to be, I'm a self-made millionaire, not entirely self-made to be honest but still, I have my own company, I'm 28, my beauty is what they call striking, man and woman all stare at me, sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't. my black hair is so long almost touching my butt, my eyes are what the Chinese call jade, my face is smooth, I look a bit younger than my age but I still look mature, I'm not married and I don't plan to, I don't plan to have children either, yes do have a dark story, a story I don't plan to share, most people think I'm successful because of my looks, beauty can also be a curse as well as a gift. because people don't see anything else about you except your exceptional good looks, even if you are qualified for a job, men still want to have s*x with you first not all but the majority it is very exhausting, I'm not a saint, I have worked as a stripper and I have slept with men for money I'm not proud of myself but it has kept me going, my mom died young and I had to survive maybe all the pain I have gone through made me the person I am today, my therapist thinks I'm a dominant because of my experience with men come on I don't think I'm a traumatized lady, I was on the street and I was r***d it's part of my life I have accepted it, but I still hate it when people touch me, without my permission. I'm a dominant because I love it and I get turned on when guys wait for me blindfolded or on their knees, thinking about it makes my blood rush with desire, I nearly call Matt to wait for me in the playroom but I remember I have an appointment, my friend baby shower, I have to go, If I don't go my friends will think I'm some kind of rude which is entirely wrong, there are not my friends except Mrs. Rose, she is a nice woman and I like her, it is rare for me to like someone, so invited me for her baby shower I promise to attend, as a dominant is very wrong to break my promise, and I never break my promise never and it has nothing to do with the fact that my mom promises me that she will be strong and she will not die and she did, she died.. she promise, I could feel my breath accelerating, no Anastasia remember what your therapy said you are in control, I breathe in and out I feel my self relaxing yes Anastasia you are safe, my entire body that was tensely relaxed. I dressed up in a navy blue straight grown, paint my lips black that how I like it, I pack my hair into a bun, I feel I look too professional but that is me. my driver drove me to her house, she saw me as soon as I enter, she smiled warmly at me, that Rose, is always nice but she can be scary too according to her husband but I don't think so. I walk toward her with my gift. I look around and complement the decoration, "It's beautiful," I say calmly "I know right, my son did it," she said proudly " your son, when did he stop crawling" we both laugh, "you see why you should step outside your office from time to time and check on me" well that's true I'm a workaholic at the time Rose was raising her child I was in a 50-50 in my company I rarely leave the office because I was on the edge of losing everything "Excuse me, can I steal my wife for a moment," Rose's husband said holding her around her waist and kissing her neck, she laughed playfully slapping his mouth away, I smile, for some reason, they are just my favorite couple "No problem" I dramatically turn away, and face someone I render not see today "Hey Ana, you made it, long time," Anita says moving toward me, she and Belle, her rich gossip pal, how I despise these people, I'm only friends with them because that is how the rich work, you have to have rich friends and I'm a businesswoman, smile at them " I met you at my company last week Anita" I comment dryly " Please what is that, I can't remember when I last saw you at a social gathering Ana" "you know how it is, get to make the paper" I smile "you already have enough money, Anastasia, now you should think about how to get married and have children" I cringe inward at her words, see why I don't like her she loves making others feel less like she is better and knows what best for everyone and trust me a control freak doesn't like another control freak Belle yell a waiter and hand Anita and me a glass of Champagne "thank you" I murmured "oh please, this is the 21st Century, married is not all that important just be happy" she pats my back gently, I appreciate her comment but I don't appreciate her hand on my back, I step forward and she withdrew her hand "well, I agree with Belle" I smile, sipping my drink "whatever isn't that Rose's son, wow his yummy, tattoo and pierce hmm just my type," Anita says "take your eyes off him, pervert " Belle commented laughing " He takes after his father in looks, " I say disinterested " what are you trying to say, you are so cruel, Rose is also very pretty"Anita laughed " I never say, she is not" I roll my eyes " come on Ana don't be modest, her husband is so hot! she doesn't compare" I smile well to be fair, she is right no matter how much I don't like their company, they are very entertaining I felt the hair at my nape raising, I turn and the piercing blue eyes are looking straight at me, I stare back expecting him to look down but he was not backing down the dominant part of my surface and she getting very irritating, I face and saw Anita and belle staring at Helen, what she is pregnant, well that is surprising because I thought she is a lesbian, seeing that Anita will be occupied for a while, I walk away without being noticed by them, no one stared at me like that not even when he has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen, I aware that I'm catwalk more than usual and the way his eyes stare at me, God, I feel his eyes slowly moving down my figure, ok that just rude, look at the fact that he's just a kid. I stand in front of me, I see color appearing on his cheek, ok that cute "stop"