It's a Wonderful Lie

Emery I wasn’t surprised to find out that my little sister was engaged before me. She and Micah had been inevitable ever since we were kids. It didn’t bother me at all to think that she’d be walking down the aisle despite the fact that I was four years older than her and also had a long term boyfriend who I was ready to settle down with. It didn’t bother me at all. Or at least I kept telling myself that. But even if there was that nagging voice in the back of my head telling me that the status of her relationship dictated some sort of setback for me, I was truly happy for her. Especially knowing how happy she was and how happy Micah made her. I remembered growing up with the Davis’s. They’d moved to California the summer before I started first grade and lived just down the street from us. My mom decided it was her civic duty or something to be the most welcoming woman in the neighborhood, especially to the single mom who’d just arrived with two young boys. But all it took was one conversation for her duty to become a delight and they were instantly best friends. From there on out, I don’t remember a moment where we did anything without the Davis’s right there with us. First day of school photos, trips to the zoo, Thanksgivings, Christmases, birthdays, we were always together like one family instead of two. It was even my mom who introduced her best friend Anna to her second husband, who she refers to as the “love of her life.” They often joke that our family’s lives were meant to collide for all the best reasons. And of course one of those reasons included eventually bringing their two youngest children together in holy matrimony. All those years growing up together, my little sister Ava adored Micah. And he her. They were never the story of childhood rivals to lovers. Not even best friends to lovers. They’d always been in love. Thankfully they weren’t naive enough to get married straight out of high school, but Micah didn’t wait long after they graduated college to propose. And we’d spent the last two years planning her perfect Christmas wedding. And now, it was quickly barreling towards me and my hopes of having a ring on my own finger before I walked down her aisle continue to get slimmer and slimmer. But it has to happen soon. Merrick and I have been together since our senior year of college and we’ve made plans. Rather than following my initial dream of moving to New York and working in marketing there, I followed him to Indiana since that was the only law school he got into and we didn’t want to be apart. We’ve created our own little home here, though, and it’s been five years. He’s officially a practicing lawyer, I have a steady job with a small ad agency that won’t be too upsetting to leave in the next couple of years should we start a family and I become a stay-at-home mom. Our lives are easy and the only thing that would make everything even better is marriage. So with a week until we leave for the wedding, I’m hoping tonight is the night. He’d invited me out to dinner at our favorite little bistro where they know us well. It’s intimate and comforting, just like our relationship. The perfect place to start the rest of our lives. “You look beautiful as always, Emery,” he says as he peruses the menu like he’s going to order anything but the Tuscan Chicken Linguine. He always gets the exact same thing here because it’s his favorite. I know him like the back of my hand. He’s my person. “Thank you,” I smile, unfolding the napkin into my lap, “how was work today? Any new cases come across your desk?” “Nothing worth mentioning,” he takes a sip of his water, tapping a finger against the table, still not making eye contact with me. He’s clearly nervous and my heartbeat can’t help but ramp up a little bit. I know it’s tonight. It has to be tonight. I reach out my hand to steady his and give him a reassuring look, “You don’t have to wait until after dinner, you know? If you have something to say, you can just say it now.” “Really?” His shoulders drop significantly and a laugh burbles up out of me at his jitters. “Of course, baby. We both know this has been a long time coming.” I squeeze his hand once before sliding mine back to my lap. “I’m so glad to hear you say that,” he exhales, shaking his head, “I was so worried that this was going to surprise you and I know you don’t like surprises, so I wasn’t sure how you were going to react and—” “I’m not surprised at all, but I am interested to hear what you’re thinking, exactly, if you don’t mind,” I edge him toward the question I’ve been waiting my whole life to hear. “Right, yeah, that’s fair.” He takes another sip of water and then sits up a little straighter, “Well, I mean, we’ve been together for quite a while and it’s been great and all, but I think you can tell that something’s been missing for a bit now.” I nod, trying my best to tamper down the giant smile that’s threatening to overtake my face. “Yeah, so, it’s just time, you know? I think we should call it. No hard feelings, I’ll always love you, but there’s just no spark anymore and we both deserve better, right?” Wait, what? The excitement that was threatening to overflow has suddenly drained from me completely and I feel like a shell of the girl who was sitting here mere seconds ago. “Oh, you want—um, you want to break up?” I stutter out monotonously. “Yeah,” he looks at me like I’m the crazy one, “right?” “I—” I don’t even know what to say. My entire body has been taken over by a shock that’s frozen every emotion inside of me. Sadness, anger, nausea; I can feel everything twisting in my gut like a freaking washing machine, but nothing is coming out. “I know it feels so weird to say it out loud,” he continues, completely oblivious to the actual reasoning behind my sudden shift in demeanor, “but it’s also kind of freeing, isn’t it?” Shut up, shut up, shut up! I want to scream. To slap him. To do anything but just sit here and stare, but I can’t. I can’t move, I can’t understand any of this. “My sister’s getting married in less than a month.” I don’t know what it says about me that my long term boyfriend breaks up with me in public on the night I thought I was getting engaged and the first coherent thought I can get out is about losing a date to my sister’s wedding. No, that’s a lie. I know exactly what it says. It says I don’t love him the way I should love someone I plan to spend the rest of my life with. It says I only held on for all this time because I thought I was supposed to be in a stable relationship at this point in my life. It says I’ve wasted the last six years of my life as a guest star in someone else’s rom com and the writers haven’t even started drafting the script for my own. “Yeah, that was going to be a sweet vacation, but it’d probably be weird for me to go now, right?” He takes a sip of wine like this is the most casual conversation and not a funeral for what I thought I wanted. The fact that he’s so calm when he’s the one standing over the grave with a shovel is even more frustrating. “If you’re not my boyfriend, you’re not my date to the wedding,” I state plainly, my stare locked in on a couple behind him that looks so happy to be enjoying each other’s company. I’ll never have that, will I? “Good call, it’d be weird to have to explain to your family and all.” I direct my gaze back at him and suddenly all I can see are flaws. Everything I ever found charming about this man has been tossed in the coffin with the rest of my plans and all that remains are hundreds of tiny red flags covering him like a wetsuit. “I’m gonna leave now.” I set my napkin on the table and get up to go anywhere but here. “When do you wanna clear your stuff out of the apartment? It’s probably easier for me to keep it since my name’s the one on the lease and all.” Could my life get any worse?