The Dark Side of the Mind

"I'll be right back, babe. I'm going for a walk down the trail to get some pictures of the sunset!" I hollered up to my husband, Dan. "Ok hun! Be safe, I love you!" He yelled back. "I love you more!" I replied and hurried out the door before he could argue with me. I skipped down the steps, and across the yard to the path happily with my camera in hand. The sun was just starting to get low and it was already shooting blood orange and fire red beams of light through the giant trees. This was going to be a gorgeous photo shoot. The contrast between the usually dull Washington Green and the rare but exquisite sunbeams and warm light was to die for. I went along snapping pictures when all of a sudden I got really dizzy and everything got dark and shadowy. I dont know if I passed out, or fell or what. When I came to I wasn't sure if was still where I was when the dizziness started, or even what time of day it was. I rose when I started hearing mumbling voices, almost automatically and began walking further down the path. A couple turns, and a little knoll, and that's when I reached it. In a damp, dark corner of my mind's forest, lies the door to hell. I couldn't tell if it was natural or not. Wait... did I say my mind's forest? I'm supposed to be in the forest behind our house. What happened to me? I refocused my attention on the door not even realizing at first that I wasn't just a door. Was it a relic from the past I had unwittingly stumbled upon? Was it conjured here to trap me by Something Else? I stare through the cracked door that seemed to be leaking evil, with terror. Just beyond it sits an old, lumbering pine. Next to the pine is where you'll find four tattered, shingled walls, one busted up floor, and one patchy roof that barely seem attached to each other. Even through my distorted imagery I see how the dirt fills the cracks. I hear how the wind whines and cries, whipping in an out of the flimsy branches that scratch against the tin. I can feel the desolation, feel the madness. It seeps into my senses- like a rush of heroin without the euphoria. Oh sh*t I must've dropped my camera somewhere. Is this a dream? Or have I lost my mind? Where am I? Through the dusty, cracked window of hellish escape, I can see her. She wears death like a perfume and sips off your torment like a fine scotch. She is dripping in a black silk gown, and barefooted. She has white hair and pitch black, soulless eyes. She is madness, and she is pacing. Back and forth. Back and forth. Somewhere inside me I knew, without a doubt, that she was the embodiment of insanity. As she paces I can feel the hate in her grow. It morphs and expands until it fills us both. Through the fog of distortion I watch as her pace quickens, her area widens, and she starts to fidget more and more. Her form becomes almost translucent as her momentum increases. Her emotions flowing through me flipping wildly from anger to despair. She erupts and howls with such intensity that eaven the center of the earth shakes a bit. So I howl with her. I don't know why, but I do. It feels right in my heart to howl with her. At that moment it feels as though even the universe is howling. Our shared torment aching in the sounds of our howls as my own past hurt only feeds her darkness. The memories start swirling inside of me until I can almost see them in front of me, clear as day. I'm horrified as I watch my 10 year old self crying, bleeding; it's as if I'm on the sidelines and it's not actually happening to me. ***Flashback*** From where I was curled up on the floor, I could see her lifeless body, laying there unmoving. He shot her. She's gone. She's gone and I'm stuck here with him. I thought it over and over and over while I stared up at him and cried. I'm sure what felt like hours was only a few minutes but all of a sudden it occurred to me that I just watched daddy kill momma and when he started walking towards me, I was sure he'd kill me too. Instead he slapped me, hard, and said "Go pack your stuff. Do it quickly and do it now. We're leaving." I was too scared to move, and sobbing too hard to realize what he was saying so he hit me again, even harder. He grabbed me by my hair, yanking me to my feet and screamed, "NOW!" I scrambled to my room and started throwing everything of important in my bags while choking back my sobs. Momma was gone. She was gone and he killed her. He killed her and now I'm stuck here with him. The neighbors must have heard the commotion and the gunshots because I heard sirens in the distance and as they got closer I could hear my father screaming at me to hurry up. I grabbed my bags and ran to him but when he opened the door and we ran out onto the porch.... 6 red laser dots were pointed at his chest. we both stopped and threw our hands in the air. I'm sure my appearance was frightening to them and I was still sobbing and snorting so hard I couldn't breathe. One officer started talking to my father and and at the same time another snuck over to the side, out of his sight, grabbed me and pulled me back to them. They wanted me out of the line of fire, I realized. Once I was on the side of safety I turned to look at my father - just in time to see him reach for his gun and all six laser dots become bullet holes in his chest. The look in his eyes went from absolutely crazed, to somehow peaceful and at home, then blank as he fell to the ground. He never even made it off the steps to the porch. "HE KILLED HER! OH MY GOD, HE KILLED HER!" I screamed. And then all hell broke loose. Cops were running around everywhere, yelling into phones, yelling at each other. Medics and detectives were assessing my father and mother but they couldn't move them until they "cleared the scene". Eventually they put me in an ambulance with a female officer so I could be checked out at the hospital but I think they just wanted to get me away from there. Looking back, I now knew that they also had no idea what they were going to do with the 10 year old girl whose father just made her an orphan. I keeping staring at the scene, or rather 'memory' that's playing in front of me. Now the pain in my howling is almost as piercing as hers. I manage to pull my eyes off of the memory and back to her when I see that she's now staring at me. Her eyes bore into my heart. It feels almost as though she is pulling herself inside of me, trying to gain control. I fight to keep my balance but I'm bobbing between my own soul and something I cant quite escape. Its like I'm drowning in the waves of a riptide of anguish. Finally, the pull releases me, and the memory disappears from sight, but I'm far from being home yet. I'm not even sure if I've left my home, left my body, or left my mind. My entire soul could be at risk. I'm still staring at the dark woman. Her sheer beauty and overwhelming pain are hypnotizing, yet frightening. I break eye contact long enough to notice that tucked nicely between that creaking old pine and the door to hell, two simple pieces of rope hung an unsteady-looking plank. A dancing seat. I find myself gravitating towards the swing but I'm not sure I'm actually walking anymore. I reach the swing, and notice the Dark Woman is still reaching deep into the depths of my eyes with her piercing black orbs. I turn away from her and continue til the ropes are in my hands and the seat is beneath me. I take a couple steps back, push myself into the air, and there I swing, endlessly. I'm in my constant limbo. Destined to watch her, my madness, flying high, and dipping low for all eternity. I'm surprised her howling hasn't cracked the windows, obscuring my view. Yet, here I sit. Always at a stand still, yet always swinging. I'm not even sure how long I've been here now. Maybe a minute, maybe a day, maybe a year. Sometimes I think about Dan, about my home, and wonder how I am ever going to return to him. At this point, I don't think I'll be the same if... when I do. Sometimes the twins come and swing with me. The first time I saw them I thought the Dark Woman was breaking out of her prison to consume me. Oh, yeah. I found out that she isn't allowed to leave the rickety old cabin of hell. The twins told me that she's trapped in there and she can't get out unless I let her walk through me. I wonder if she tried to take them too. I wonder how long they've been here. They are kind to me but a bit strange. Both with short dark hair and pink dresses that look to be something from an old fairytale. Both with the same matching pink bows in their hair. They've taught me things about the Dark Woman, and they like to swing with me. They ask me questions about where I came from but they can never tell me how I got here, or even where here is. They certainly can't tell me why I'm here or how to get back. Whenever I ask they just stare at me with empty expressions on their matching faces. I've pondered what they are - if they're like me or if they're something like the Dark Woman. They don't seem evil but they could be perpetual and deep, deep sadness. It never changes here. A constant dusk. No sunset, no sunrise, no stars. No breath taking wonders to be caught on film. I haven't see my camera in ages. An everlasting distorted reality, that's where I am. A place where nightmares haunt the day, because there's never any light. Sometimes I think to myself that maybe this is what purgatory is like. Sometimes I believe this is more like hell. The only piece of beauty on this small property in the depths of the Devils Woods is The Garden, though I believe "Garden" is a funny word for prison. The only truly beautiful thing here are the roses that cover the backyard and the ivy that snakes up the trees forming an evil looking, slithering gate around the property. Both are black as the night sky -if I remember what the night sky looks like correctly- and almost as brilliant. The roses look like they have tiny universes wrapped between their petals in the dusky, grey light. The vines appear to be a writhing, ominous wall that separates us from the Devil's Woods. I've figured out that it was the Devil's Woods that I came out of when I found this place but I don't know why the ivy let me in. The last few days though, I've been devising a plan to get out and try to find a way home.